


Long Ago and Far Away

by wannaliveindeansdimples



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Anal Sex, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Sweethearts, Dream Sex, F/M, Feathers & Featherplay, First Love, First Time, Frottage, Hot Tub Sex, Light Bondage, Lost Love, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Multi, Oral Sex, Pining, Private Investigators, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-06 21:43:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 68,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3149477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannaliveindeansdimples/pseuds/wannaliveindeansdimples
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean was in high school, he and his best friend Jimmy Novak fell in love. Then Jimmy was forced to move away and he  never contacted Dean the way he had promised. Now Dean is an adult and a successful private eye with his own firm. It's been years, but he's still haunted by the memory of Jimmy. </p><p>Sam hated law school and now works with Dean at the firm. When they get two new clients in the same day, he learns things about himself he never knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got very excited about this as soon as I first started planning it. It's more complex than most of my previous works and it has a full cast of misfits all interacting and being ridiculous. There's a fair amount of angst (it is ME, after all), but there is also a quite a bit of humor and silliness, I think. 
> 
>  
> 
> IT'S ALIVE! Er, well, it's done, anyway. ~~It is a work in progress, but I am still very much invested in finishing it. I have the last of it plotted out and will hopefully get it finished before I get all the currently written parts posted. I haven't worked out a posting schedule yet, but once or twice a week. You'll get at least one more chapter by next Friday, in other words.~~
> 
>  
> 
> Destiel is definitely meant to be the main focus of the story, but the Sam side of things just kind of grew bigger than I expected, so his part may be equal to the Destiel at this point.
> 
> This is getting to be a novel by itself, so moving the rest to the end.

_Trembling hands reached out for his chest in the dark. Thick lips covered his and kissed him like the world was ending. A stubbled jaw slid underneath his mouth and he tasted it, rough and salty. The air filled with moans and sighs and whimpers. He didn’t know which were his and which belonged to the guy beneath him._

_There was no awkward fumbling, though there should have been. All four hands seemed to know instinctively just where and how to touch. Mouths knew just what to taste, what to take a bite out of. Cocks slotted together perfectly._

_And then, holy hell, he was sliding inside. Something like electricity, something like life and joy and light were shooting through him. He’d never felt anything like it. It was like they were two parts of a circuit and the connection had just been completed. He felt whole for the first time in his life._

_He locked eyes with his companion in the dark and his stomach dropped like he was flying. He was dizzy and lightheaded, but everything was so good. Everything was perfect. He was complete. He was home._

_It felt like they rocked together for hours, that power building until it eclipsed even the feeling of his cock sliding in and out. Their eye contact was the focus now. “Dean…” the guy had whispered, reaching up to touch his face. For some reason, that was what sent him over the edge from pleasure to orgasm and he came, long and intense, staring into those eyes that knew him so well._

_His lover had had his own orgasm. Then they had slept, twined together. It had been magic. It had been everything. By the next afternoon, it was all gone for good._

~~@~~

God, he hadn’t thought about it in so long. Why now? Every time he remembered the dark haired boy with the blue, blue eyes, it fucked with him for weeks. He’d managed to avoid thinking about it for, what, two years now? Then again, he reflected, he’d been in a relationship for most of that.

He sighed as he poured his second cup of coffee. He supposed it wasn’t that surprising that it was happening now, since he and Lisa had split up just over two months ago. Still, he wished it could have waited for a week when he didn’t have a big potential client coming in. He needed to land this account.

Of course, he could have probably put an end to this years ago. He was a private investigator - finding people was what he did. He’d never looked, though. He didn’t want to risk the disappointment. Even though he longed for answers, he also didn’t want to ruin one of his favorite memories by finding out it hadn’t meant anything to the other person involved.

And really, what else could the reason for all those years of radio silence be? Unless, of course, something terrible had happened. Those were really the only options he could think of. But he didn’t _know_ , either way. So he could still pretend that Jimmy Novak was out there, still thinking about him sometimes and being tormented, too.

Luckily, his meeting wasn’t for another couple of hours. That gave him time to eat and shower and maybe get his head clear. He finished his coffee and threw together a breakfast taco. He ate it in front of his laptop, finishing up some last minute paperwork. He checked his email, but there wasn’t much going on there. Mostly just bill reminders.

With breakfast done, he hopped in the shower. As he soaped up and felt his erection spring to life, he let the fantasy come. He knew from experience that there was no point in fighting the memories. If he didn’t let himself get off to them now, they’d just be more intense later. So he remembered and he came.

It probably should have cheapened it, but it didn’t. It was the best sex - best anything - he’d ever had. He was still getting off to it all these years later. To him that didn’t make it cheap. That made it phenomenal. One of a kind. Unforgettable. _Jimmy_.

It was stupid, and he knew it. No way should the thought of that guy he’d banged in high school - okay, that did cheapen it, but he was trying to create distance so he could get through the day - still affect him this much. But it did. Dean had resigned himself to the idea that it always would.

He dressed and got into the car. “Yeah, Sammy,” he answered when his phone rang. “I’m on my way.”

“You know there are other people in the world besides your brother,” Charlie told him dryly.

“Hey, Charlie. Sorry, he usually calls me before big - “ he stopped as his phone beeped in his ear. “Actually he’s calling now. You want to hold? Or should I call you back?”

Charlie made a frustrated noise. “Other people in the world, Dean! Fine, I’ll hold.”

Dean clicked over, putting the phone on bluetooth as he backed out of the driveway. “What’s up, Sammy? On my way now.”

“Yeah, um, I’m not.”

This was new. “What? What are you talking about?”

“My damn car broke down. I’m having it towed, but in the meantime, I’m stuck on the side of the highway. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Damn. All right. See you soon, Sammy.”

There was a long-suffering sigh on the other end of the line. “It’s Sam.”

Dean just chuckled and hung up. “Okay, Charlie, hit me.”

“I’d like to hit you,” she muttered.

“Come on, Charlie, don’t be like that,” Dean told her, smiling. “Sam is stranded on the side of the highway! He’s always getting into some kind of trouble. Whereas I know that _you_ can take care of yourself.”

“Don’t try and flatter me, Dean Winchester. Just because I’m awesome, that doesn’t mean you can use it as an excuse to blow me off.”

“Charlie,” Dean spoke softly, but with an edge to his voice now. “I’m driving. Would you like to get to the point or maybe spend the week on desk duty catching us up on paperwork?”

It was his not-so subtle reminder of who was the boss. Charlie was his best friend and she was an amazing investigator. She just had this weird competitive thing sometimes. She’d get jealous of silly shit like this. Dean assumed it was a side effect of being an only child, but whatever the reason, it was tiresome. It was best to nip it before it spread.

She sighed, this time obviously to calm herself. “Sorry. I was doing it again, huh?” He didn’t bother answering. “Right, okay, so you got another potential client coming in this afternoon, after the big meeting.”

“You my secretary now?” he asked mainly to needle her.

“In your _dreams_ could you land a secretary as hot as me,” she told him in a playful tone.

“Garth’s feelings are going to be hurt.”

Her voice softened. “Garth’s a sweetheart. It’s really too bad he’s a man or I would so hit that,” she admitted. Then she cleared her throat. “Um, anyway, _I_ am the one telling you because _I_ am the one who landed the meeting.”

“All right, so who is she?” he asked with a smile.

“God, why do you just assume it’s a woman, Dean? It is possible that - “

“What’s her name, Charlie?”

Charlie huffed. “Jody. Her name is Jody.”

He chuckled. “All right. And why is Jody coming to us?”

“She runs a security company, and she suspects one of her employees is committing workers’ comp fraud. I want to handle the case.”

“ _You_ want to handle a workers’ comp case? She must be hot,” he teased.

“Dean! Well, okay, I mean, yeah, she’s hot. Not like _ScarJo_ hot…” She trailed off for a moment and Dean could only roll his eyes, knowing she was picturing Scarlett Johannsen in her head. “Um, anyway, but she’s straight. It’s not like that. I just have a lot of respect for her and I want to make sure the job is done right. You and Sam will be busy with the new guy, anyway and - “ She blew out a frustrated breath. “Look, please?”

Dean didn’t trust Charlie’s motives on this. He believed her when she said she wasn’t chasing a straight woman, but he didn’t believe her about the rest. There was another reason for her wanting this. He shook it off. He was happy to let her deal with it.

“Why don’t you just handle the whole meeting?”

“Will you make an appearance, at least?”

“ _Charlie_ …” Dean warned, suspecting her intentions even more now.

“Dude, I swear I’m not trying to set you up. I just want her to meet with the owner of the company, make her feel important.”

He reversed his earlier decision to just let it be. None of this was like his friend at all. “Charlie, what’s this about?”

“Nothing!” He stayed silent, waiting her out. After a full minute of dead silence, she conceded, “Fine. I’ll tell you when you get here.”

She hung up without a goodbye, which wasn’t unusual. Dean spent the rest of the drive listening to the radio. Since he had learned a long time ago that his beloved classic car was a hindrance on investigations, he now drove a sensible, boring economy car to work and only drove his baby on the weekends. He’d splurged on the stereo, though. No sense suffering needlessly with poor tunes just because he couldn’t have his sweetheart rolling beneath him.

And just like that, images from the previous night’s dream came back to him. The dream that was really a memory. He tried to shut down further thoughts before they could take over, but the song on the radio changed to one that had come out back then and he was lost.

~~@~~

_Dean had been sitting in History, dreading another of Mr. Chamberlain’s boring-assed lectures on the Civil War. Before the bell rang, though, the door opened and suddenly Dean was wide awake. This guy walked in and something about him felt as if it was simultaneously punching Dean in the stomach, grabbing him by the chest, and whispering sweet nothings in his ear._

_He was wearing a simple dark gray long-sleeved shirt over a purple tee and a pair of tight, faded jeans. The outfit was capped off with some ridiculous shiny belt buckle. He had dark brown hair that looked like it had gotten scared and stuck that way, sticking up in all directions. His face was made up of a cleft chin, lips that were crazy thick and blue eyes like x-ray machines. Those eyes swiveled over to meet Dean’s and Dean was sure that his heart had stopped beating._

_His eyes must have widened or something because the guy had ducked his head slightly, hiding a shy smile. He walked over to Mr. Chamberlain’s desk and spoke quietly to the teacher for a moment, but he threw a couple of glances Dean’s way. Dean’s green eyes stayed on him the whole time, so that wasn’t too surprising._

_When the teacher motioned the new guy over to the desk beside him, Dean was ecstatic. From the looks of it, the other guy was pretty happy, too. The pair of them held each other’s gaze until the new guy sat down._

_“Hey, I’m, uh, I’m Dean.” He still wasn’t smiling, mainly because all he could do was gawk. No one around them seemed to have even noticed the new boy, but Dean couldn’t look away._

_The new kid gave a small shy smile. “Hello, Dean. I’m Jimmy.” His eyes flicked away from Dean’s for second, long enough to appear to look at Dean’s mouth and then continue on down to his chest. “Nice, uh, jacket.”_

_Dean grinned at that and flicked his own eyes down Jimmy' body to his waist. “Nice belt buckle.”_

~~@~~

Charlie knocking on his car window brought Dean back to the present. He’d only been parked for a few seconds, but he’d been lost in thought. He pursed his lips and glared at her as he climbed out of the car. He grabbed his briefcase from the back and locked up before turning to lean on the car.

“I can only assume your presence here means you are anxious to tell me what the hell your deal is with this new case?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest.

His scowl turned to a look of concern, though, when Charlie nibbled her lip and looked...fragile. He was not used to that look on his favorite redhead’s face. She was the toughest person he knew. She could even make hardened former beat cop Bobby look like a crybaby sometimes. At the moment, however, she looked like a teenager who was about to tell her dad she’d wrecked the car.

“Hey. Charlie, come on, man,” he told her, taking her by the elbow until she was the one leaning against the car. “Whatever it is, it’s okay.”

She nodded and looked up at the building. Then she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. She whispered, “I’m adopted. Was adopted.” She shook her head. ”Whatever. My parents weren’t my birth parents.”

“Wow. Okay. How long have you known?”

She sighed and glanced up at him. “A long time. My parents never tried to hide it or anything.” She looked all around them, even more paranoid and furtive than usual. “I started looking into my birth parents’ identities as soon as my real parents died.”

Dean’s mouth quirked up in a half smile at what she’d said. He wondered if she even realized. “And now?” he prodded gently.

“I mean, I know it’s stupid, right? Like my parents were amazing and I don’t need or want to replace them, I just...I want to know where I came from. I mean…” She hung her head. “I don’t know what I mean. I don’t know why I care.”

Dean put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Charlie, it’s okay to wonder where you came from. What’s it got to do with this Jody, though? You think she’s your mom?”

Her eyes snapped up at that and to his dismay they were shining with tears. He had only seen her cry one other time and that was when that one redheaded twin died in the last Harry Potter movie. She nodded.

“I mean, I think so? I’m not sure, though! I traced my birth mother here years ago. That’s why I moved here. And now, my research has narrowed it down to a few possibilities, but, like, I’m _sure_ it’s her, you know?”

“Okay, all right, it’s going to be fine, Charlie, I promise.” He rubbed her arm as he said it. “You hear me? All good, yeah?”

She nodded mutely.

“Good. Now let’s get upstairs and take care of the new client so we can get to the really important one, whaddya say?”

She smiled at him, the Charlie he was more accustomed to seeing. “Thanks, Dean.” She punched him in the shoulder, hard enough that it might bruise. “You’re the best, man.”

Once they were back upstairs, she went off to her desk and Dean found his way to his office, waving at Garth as he went past. Garth gave him a huge smile as he always did and Dean stepped into his domain feeling slightly better than he had earlier. Not that he’d admit to anyone how Garth’s warmth and enthusiasm made him feel.

He had ten minutes until his big meeting. He mentally prepared himself as best he could, going over his standard spiel in his head. Their motto, how they operated, all the things potential clients wanted to know. He hoped it was enough. They could certainly use the steady income of a big corporate client.

He was feeling fine until he caught sight of his high school diploma on the wall. That reminded him of high school, which of course reminded him of Jimmy. It was so stupid and he knew it. It had been over a decade since he’s seen him. Sure, he’d been his first. Hell, Dean was willing to admit, he’d even been his best. That didn’t mean it wasn’t time to suck it up and move on. Or at least get the _cojones_ to finally look up the guy and see what happened to him.

Now, instead of being ready for his meeting, he was pissed off at himself. Now when Garth knocked and came in, his cheerfulness was an annoyance instead of a comfort. It shouldn’t be, but there it was.

“Dean, your ten o’clock is here to see you,” he announced as his lanky frame strode through the door. He closed it behind him and dropped his voice. “He’s a really interesting character, Dean! Normally, a man his size wouldn’t be very intimidating? But he has this... _commanding presence_ ,” Garth gushed, as if relishing the way the words felt on his tongue.

Dean frowned. “Well, did you send him into the conference room?”

Garth’s eyes widened. “Oh. I, uh, I’m going to do that right now.”

Dean sighed as the man scurried out. Garth always forgot the big things, while making sure the minutia - like trying to impress a big client by walking in personally to announce him instead of doing it over the phone - got taken care of. He was, as Charlie said, a sweetheart, but he was not the best secretary Dean could have chosen. Too bad he ran a halfway house for misfits instead of a real business.

Dean steeled himself and headed out into the rest of the building. He took a deep breath and let it out before pasting on a big, confident smile and opening the conference room door. Garth was pouring the potential client a cup of coffee and making a mess in the process.

The would-be client was not very tall, but he had a rectangular face, longish sandy hair - Sam would be proud - and sharp translucent brown eyes that didn’t look like they had ever missed a trick. They watched Garth with hawk-like intensity as he over-poured first the coffee itself and then the creamer. The secretary also managed to create a pile of sugar crystals on the table and the man’s saucer. There was a smirk on the client’s face that didn’t waver.

When Garth left them, the man’s eyes finally met Dean’s. He was still smirking. He cast a look over his shoulder in the direction Garth had exited. “Not exactly the brightest bulb in the drawer, is he?”

Dean frowned. “Garth’s family.” He knew being that curt with a potential client was probably not wise, but he was loyal to his people first. Garth might not be first-rate secretary material, but he was a hell of a guy and Dean wasn’t going to let a stranger talk shit about him.

An eyebrow went up and Dean wasn’t sure, but he thought the smirk grew a bit more. The man inclined his head. “Fair enough. My name is Gabriel Lokinose. And you would be Dean Winchester, I presume?”

Dean walked over and took the hand the man held out, shaking it firmly. “I am. I run this firm with my brother Sam. We find people, rescue things. It’s a family business.”

“And where is this brother of yours?”

“He had some car trouble, but he will be here shortly.”

Lokinose gave a “Hmm,” as if unimpressed that he was not being met by all of upper management. “Business not good enough to afford decent transport for its owners, then?” the man asked, checking his fingernails as if bored.

Dean forced the smile to stay on his face, instead of allowing the glare he wanted to level at Lokinose. “Well, my brother believes, as I do, in putting the majority of our profits back into the business, so that we can offer the most state of the art technologies to our clients.”

Lokinose looked at Dean appraisingly. His face gave away nothing. He sipped his coffee - or, more accurately, slurped it - and Dean forced his smile to remain fixed in place. “If you’d like I can go over all the services we offer, including those exclusive to those clients on retainer, as you would be, if you decide to hire us.”

The man shook his head. “There’s no need for that. Let me tell you what I need first and then you can tell me what your company can do differently than the much less expensive companies I’ve already met with.”

~~@~~

Sam couldn't believe his car chose today, of all days, to crap out on him. This client was important. Dean wouldn't say it, but Sam knew they needed to land bigger fish if they were going to stay afloat.

Sam shook his head at the terrible mixed metaphors, telling himself that it was a sign of his intense frustration. He was going to be late for the meeting - if he even made it there at all - and Dean, while a consummate professional, was never going to be known as a people person. He didn't have the patience for it.

Sam kicked a piece of gravel and peeled off his suit jacket. It was going to get hot out here. He may as well start removing layers now. By the time the tow truck got there, he was down to his tank undershirt. He was still sweating profusely, even though the wait hadn't been nearly as long as he expected.

Since he knew Rufus, the driver, he got him to agree to drop him off at WB PI on his way to the mechanic shop. He rushed up to the third floor, still trying to put his shirt back on. The cuffs weren't wanting to cooperate, so Sam barely had it around his arms when he got to Garth's desk.

"Is he still here?" he asked as he frantically tried to get his clothes to work.

"Yeah, but I think you better get in there, Sam. Mr. Lokinose ain't what you'd call Dean's cup of tea. It's tense in there."

Garth actually looked concerned and that was never a good sign from the king of optimism. Sam continued trying to work his sleeves on as he stepped through the door of the conference room.

He sent a vague smile in the potential client's direction and apologized.

"For what? The interruption, your tardiness, or your state of undress?" Lokinose asked and Sam dropped his hands, straightening, and made eye contact with the shorter man for the first time.

_Holy shit_. The guy before him was...well, _hot_. There was no other word for it. Sam had no idea why. Not that the man was bad looking - in fact he was reasonably good looking - but he was not the kind of good-looking that made straight men - like Sam - question themselves. There was something about him, though. It was disconcerting.

Sam thought it must be either the eyes, the charisma, or some sort of chemistry on a level he'd never before experienced. Evidently, the man felt something similar when he looked at Sam, though, because the arrogant smirk fell away and became something softer - and warmer, much warmer - when Sam turned to face him more fully and they locked eyes.

"Um," he stammered. "For everything, Mr. Lokinose."

Lokinose blinked, then smiled. "Gabriel, please. Call me Gabriel," he invited as he stood. "We'll be working very closely, after all." The man finally broke their staring contest and looked at Dean. "Mr. Winchester, WB PI is hired, on the condition your brother Sam is my personal investigator."

"I don't see that being a problem," Dean answered, clearly shocked. He looked at Sam to confirm.

"That's no problem at all, Mi- uh, Gabriel. Thank you for the opportunity."

Gabriel's smirk was back as he looked Sam up and down. "Thanks for the show." He winked and began walking out. "Your brother can explain what I want. I'll have the necessary info sent over this afternoon. In the meantime," he practically purred as he got close to Sam. "Here's my card. My private number is on the back. I'm due for another meeting now, but we should get acquainted. Tonight over dinner. Call me."

With that, he strode past Sam and out the door, with two shocked Winchesters staring after him.

"The hell was _that_?" they asked in unison as they turned to look at each other.

“Sounds like it was WB PI gettin’ a new client, boys!” Garth grinned from the doorway. He faltered when he saw the other two. “Why aren’t we celebrating?”

Sam finally snapped out of it and leveled a smile at Garth. “No, man, we are. We are definitely celebrating, right, Dean?” he asked, flicking a pointed glance at his brother.

“Yes! We just landed our biggest ever client, so we are definitely gonna party. Later, though. Right now, we got more work to do, all right?” He did his best to smile at Garth. If his eyes squinted too much to hide the fact that it didn’t reach them, well, Garth didn’t seem to notice. He grabbed Sam’s elbow. “Um, Sam can you come, uh, work with me in my office for a few minutes?”

“Yeah, sure, Dean,” Sam told him, slightly nervous. If Dean had noticed his reaction to Gabriel, Sam wasn’t sure what he was going to say.

Back in Dean’s office, Dean closed the door and let his freaked out face show. “That was freaking weird, man! Before you got here? I was ninety-nine percent sure he was about to walk right out of here. And okay, yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice he kinda had a thing for you - can you please put your clothes on now, by the way?”

Dean was pacing as he talked, which told Sam just how tense the meeting had been - and how much control he’d had to keep himself under. He stopped and took a deep breath and Sam clapped him on the shoulder.

“You made it, dude. We landed it. You can relax now.”

Dean looked at him in concern. “You sure you’re okay with...with being his eye candy or whatever?”

Sam’s eyes dropped to the fascinating carpet at Dean’s feet. “Um, yeah, I mean, for the good of the company.”

He could feel the weight of Dean’s gaze on him, though. “Sammy,” Dean started, but a knock on the door and Charlie walking through it interrupted him.

“Hey, Dean! I just heard the news! That’s awesome!” She was grinning, but Sam could tell that wasn’t why she was here. “So, have you told Sam about your next client? I mean, he probably wants to step in, too, right?”

Dean sighed and Sam looked back and forth between them in confusion.

“We have another client meeting? A big one?”

“I haven’t had a chance to talk to him yet, Charlie.” Dean and Charlie shared a look Sam couldn’t interpret and then Charlie nodded. “Sam, Charlie landed a potential client for us. She runs a security place. What she needs is pretty simple and Charlie is going to be handling it for us, but Charlie has requested that we meet with, uh - “ Dean stopped and looked at Charlie.

“Jody. Her name is Jody. Mills.” Charlie sounded nervous, and yeah, okay, that was weird.

Dean leaned closer to Sam and explained in a low voice, “Jody is important to Charlie for non-sexual reasons and Charlie has asked me to give her the VIP treatment.”

Charlie looked at Dean for a second before she, too, leaned close enough to Sam to whisper, “I’m, uh, adopted and I think - “

“Oh, wow!” Sam interrupted, getting it right away. “You think she’s your - “ Charlie nodded. Sam smiled at her reassuringly. “Of course we’ll give her the VIP treatment, Charlie.” He pulled her in for a one armed hug.

And so it was that a couple of hours later, he stepped into the conference room, right behind Dean. Dean stopped short just inside because the woman at the table said, “Ooh, he’s pretty. You’re pretty. Hi, Pretty. I’m Jody.”

Dean laughed and started forward, “Thanks, beautiful, but you can just call me Dean.” Sam couldn’t see it, but he was sure Dean had winked at the very handsome woman sitting at the table next to Charlie. For the second time today, Sam was acknowledging that a client was hot. Then Jody Mills noticed Sam back and her eyes went wide.

“I want him. If I hire your company, can I have him?”  She wasn’t leering at him or anything, she just had a look of stunned admiration on her face. Sam blushed and smiled shyly.

“Oh,” Charlie said in a small voice. “I kind of hoped I’d be your investigator.”

“Dammit. You _are_ a doll. But he’s so _pretty_.” She pouted. “Can’t I work with you _and_ him?”

“That’s going to be a little problematic, sweetheart. He’s spoken for,” said a voice from the doorway.

“Uh, Gabriel? What are you - “

Garth rushed in then, “Sorry, I was on a phone call. Uh, Mr. Lokinose is here to drop off some paperwork. He insisted on giving it to Sam personally.”

Jody Mills looked Gabriel up and down, making an assessment and obviously finding him lacking. “Oh, I’ll just bet he wants to give it to Sam,” she repeated with a smirk. Then she leveled a glare at Gabriel that Sam had to admit was incredibly sexy. “Listen up, shorty, if handsome here says he’s spoken for, that’s his prerogative, but I think he ought to at least be given the choice, don’t you?” Her attitude toward Gabriel was dismissive. She smiled at Sam in a way that made him lick his lips.

Sam couldn’t find any words at all, but Dean did his best to intervene. “Uh, Ms. Mills, Mr. Lokinose here is one of our clients and I’m afraid Sam has been assigned as his personal investigator.”

Her face fell and Gabriel’s smirk rose. Then she perked up again. She smiled savagely at Gabriel, then sweetly at Sam. “Well, if we aren’t working together, then there’s no reason why you and I can’t go to dinner tonight, then, is there?”

Sam really tried to find words and give her an answer, but he found he couldn’t. “I - um - that is - “ He was unused to attention like this and to have it twice in one day was unsettling to say the least. “Sure,” he finished lamely.

“Well, there’s an enthusiastic yes, if I ever heard one,” came Gabriel’s sarcastic response. “Unfortunately, I have already asked our large friend here to dinner this evening.”

_Shit._ “He’s, uh, he’s right. He - he did.” Sam looked at Jody apologetically. He could see Dean and Charlie watching to proceedings, Dean with growing horror and Charlie with rabid fascination. Garth had apparently gone back to his duties to escape the drama that was unfolding.

Jody’s eyes narrowed at Gabriel and the smile on her face became predatory. Sam was more than a little turned on by it. Before she could say anything, though, it all apparently became too much for Charlie.

“Hey, uh, Dean?” she asked suddenly. “Didn’t you have a, uh, _thing_ to show me? In your, um, office?”

Dean seemed to snap out of his stunned daze at Charlie’s words. “Oh, the _thing_! Damn, you know I’d almost forgotten the thing! We better, um, go.”

The two of them left the room without a backward glance and Sam wasn’t sure if he was terrified or relieved. This whole thing was surreal, but he was enjoying it on some level. Then again, there were two very powerful personalities currently fighting over him and he was a little bit scared of both of them.

Jody watched them leave then turned back to Gabriel. “Well, seeing as how we’re both new clients, anxious to get to know Sam here, why don’t I join you, then?” Jody purred.

Gabriel, apparently used to getting his way with much less work, was struck dumb for a moment, gaping at her. Sam seized the opportunity to grab a buffer against his unexpected attraction to the man.

“Yeah, I think that would be, uh, nice. Get us all acquainted at once.”

“Sam, as your new and very important client - “

“Hey!” Jody snapped. “Tiny! The man may work for you, but you don’t dictate his free time.” She stood up and leaned over the table, bracing on her hands so she could get right in Gabriel’s face. “Tall, dark and sexy says he wants me at dinner, so I’m coming to dinner, you got that?”

Gabriel stared in surprise, then muttered, “Fuck, you’re hot.”

Jody’s scowl turned into that same predatory smile again. “All the more reason for me to come to dinner, isn’t it?” She flicked a look in Sam’s direction, looking him up and down like he was on the menu. Sam shifted under the scrutiny. “Besides,” she told Gabriel, dropping her voice. “I don’t think our boy Sam over there has ever been with...someone like you. He’ll probably appreciate having me along to ease the way.”

Sam wasn’t entirely sure what was happening right now, but it sounded very much like Gabriel and Jody were equally as hot for each other as they both were for him. As he was for them, if he was honest. He also thought there might be the suggestion of some sort of three-way, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about that, so he just set it aside for now and tried to regain some control of the situation.

He cleared his throat. “So, um, you two want to go get some dinner later? Say sevenish?” He tried to pull off casual, but was afraid he just looked like a big dork.

Gabriel turned at him and smiled. It was similar enough to Jody’s that he felt his knees weaken. “How about I make you both dinner at my place? If we really wanna get...acquainted,” he said, flicking his eyes briefly to Jody, “then we should do it some place cozy, instead of a crowded restaurant. Whaddya say, Sam-o?”

Sam had to clear his throat again, twice, to answer, “Uh, yeah, that’s, uh, yeah. Good.”

“Sounds good to me, shorty,” Jody said with a smirk.

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed at the nickname, but he said nothing about it. “Excellent. If you text me your addresses,” he said, handing another of his business cards to Jody, “I’ll send cars for you both around six-thirty?” Sam nodded mutely, Jody curtly. Then Gabriel was gone.

As soon as he was out of the room, Sam felt the events of the past few minutes threaten to send him into a panic. “Um, I’m just gonna go get Charlie for you, okay?”

“Sure thing, handsome.”

It wasn’t until he had left the room that he realized Gabriel hadn’t given him any of the paperwork.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a confusing day and Sam has an even more confusing night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels level: 5"  
> Feels type: Dean Winchester being a heartbroken bb  
> Smut level: So many.  
> Smut type: Non-Destiel  
> 

Dean was nearing the end of his rope when Garth walked out with the second empty coffee pot. Things with Lokinose were getting super tense. Everything Dean said, the guy had a sarcastic or belittling comment to and Dean was finding it increasingly difficult to maintain his composure.

Then out of nowhere, Sam walked in - half naked for no reason Dean could imagine - and everything started to get weird. Lokinose was clearly checking out his brother - which, yeah, not cool to have to watch - but if he didn’t know his brother was completely hetero, he’d swear Sam was checking the guy out right back.

Thankfully, though, the guy was giving them the account. Hopefully it wasn’t contingent upon Sam dating Lokinose because that just wouldn’t fly with Dean - whether Sam was interested or not. Dean certainly wouldn’t judge, if Sam was. He’d tease, of course, but judge? Not so much.

Everything started to get a little better after that, up until he and Sam had gone to meet Jody. Then life got super weird again. Then it got even weirder still. If Charlie hadn’t had the presence of mind to get them out of there, he’d probably still be standing there, dumbfounded - and possibly scarred for life.

Dean didn’t even want to know what was going on in his conference room right now.  Instead he sat at his desk and half-listened as Charlie went on and on about how great Jody was. He recommended she complete the job before confronting their new client about their potential relationship.

Charlie rolled her eyes. “I’m not _stupid_ , Dean. Although, right now she seems more interested in Sam than anything else.” She didn’t seem upset about that fact. Mostly she seemed confused and maybe curious.

Dean sighed. This was not a good day so far, landing a new client or not. He just wanted to go home and wallow. He laughed to himself about how he’d changed. When he was younger and still reeling from his first broken heart, he’d have run straight for the bar and a willing partner to tumble in the sheets with, both of them too full of whiskey and loneliness to pay attention to details like names. That hadn’t been him for a long time, though.

Finally, before Charlie could notice that he’d missed the last several minutes of what she was saying, Sam was knocking and walking in. He looked sort of like a puppy who wasn’t sure if he was in trouble or not. Dean smiled to himself as he realized this was why he had never wanted a dog. He hadn’t needed one. His baby brother was a giant puppy.

“Uh, Charlie, Jody is waiting for you in the conference room.” He looked at her apologetically.

“Okay. What the hell _was_ all that, though?” she asked as she started for the door.

Sam rubbed the back of his neck and turned an interesting color. “Um, I’m kinda having dinner? With, um…” His eyes flicked to Dean for only a second and then away. “With both of them together.”

Dean was a little relieved. “That’s good, right? Jody can be a buffer between you two. I don’t know what that dude has in mind, but I don’t think it involves you wearing clothes.”

Sam’s color went from interesting to bright red. “Dean! Just drop it, okay? This is - we’re just - it’s dinner, man.”

Dean looked at him suspiciously. Something was going on here that he didn’t understand. Luckily for Sam, he was too tired and stressed out to pursue it. He waved at both of them.

“Fine, whatever. Charlie, don’t leave your client waiting. Sam, read over the Lokinose paperwork. The guy has an ex-wife that he thinks is dating someone else. If it’s true, that terminates her alimony agreement. He needs us to get proof, one way or the other.”

“He didn’t give it to me.”

“Well, shit. See if he left it with Garth then.”

Within seconds they were both gone, leaving him to mope in peace. For the millionth time (approximately) Dean considered looking up Jimmy in their search engine. For the millionth time he decided not to. He hated that he was like this. That his mind would latch onto something from so long ago and refuse to let go of it.

Before he realized he was going to do it, he had his phone in his hand and he was dialing. Benny picked up on the second ring.

“Hey, brother. Long time no talk. How you been? How’s Lisa doing?”

 _Shit._ It _had_ been a while, he supposed. “Uh, I’m doing all right. Lisa is fine, I guess. She’s not really in the picture anymore.”

“Well, damn, brother, I’m sorry to hear that. Didn’t really think she was right for you, though, if I’m allowed to be honest.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re only about the twentieth person to tell me that since we broke up. Where were you fuckers when we were dating, huh?” He laughed again to show he was only joking.

Benny chuckled. “What, and rile up Dean Winchester into defending his woman like the caveman he pretends to be? No, thank you, just the same. You’d have just clung that much tighter and you know it.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. What about you? How are things in Domesticity-ville?” he teased.

“Oh, brother, they are good. So good. Andrea and the kids, man...everything I could ask for and then some. More than I deserve, that’s for sure.”

“That’s probably true,” Dean told him seriously, then laughed at Benny’s noise of indignation. “I’m just messing with you, man. You earned this. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, man. Means a lot. Maybe someday you’ll get something like it. You’ve earned it yourself, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know if it’s for me, Benny.”

Benny made a derisive noise. “You know damn well that’s a lie. You want kids and a partner to stand by you and a house and a yard and all the rest of it. You’re just too scared to look for it.”

Instead of arguing, Dean blurted, “I’m dreaming about him again, Benny.”

Benny let out a long sigh and Dean steeled himself for a lecture on letting it go. Instead, Benny said, “Brother, maybe it’s about time you used those detective skills for your own peace of mind and looked him up. I know you’re scared, man, but you gotta face the music or this is gonna go on till you die.”

Part of Dean was relieved. Maybe this was why he’d called Benny. Maybe some part of him knew this was what he’d say. Dean nodded, knowing Benny couldn’t see, but needing to do it for himself. To make himself tell Benny he was right.

“Yeah. Yeah maybe I should.”

“You let me know how it goes, all right? I gotta get back to work now, brother. Good to hear from you.”

“Yeah, you, too. I’ll call again soon, maybe we’ll get together.”

There was a smile in his voice when Benny spoke again. “Now that sounds good, Dean. Let’s do that.”

When he got off the phone, he pulled up the search engine and got as far as typing the “J”. Then Garth knocked on the door and came into the office to remind him he had surveillance scheduled on a possible fraud case. Dean nodded and waved him out. His search would have to wait. He had actual work to do now.

He sent out a quick interoffice text telling everyone he was gone for the day and headed down to his car. He tried to shove thoughts of Jimmy as far down as they would go so that he could get into work mode. He had to focus right now. He couldn’t afford distractions.

That worked just fine until he had been on the stake out for about an hour. There had been no activity in the building he was watching for that entire period of time. He never let his gaze wander too much, but letting his eyes scan around the area was necessary. On one such scan, however, his eyes lit on someone that looked eerily like the person who had been haunting his dreams.

He sat bolt upright in his seat. He’d only gotten a brief glimpse from the profile, but...it couldn’t be. Could it? He started to swing his binoculars up for a closer look, telling himself he was jumping at shadows, when he caught movement from the building he’d been watching. He swung the binoculars in that direction instead. No time now to chase ghosts from his past. The hunt was on.

~~@~~

It was later than usual when Dean finally got in. After work, he’d decided to head to a bar and play pool for old times’ sake. He didn’t hustle anybody, he just played by himself. A few women tried to chat him up, and he flirted a little bit, but he wasn’t feeling it. He wanted something more than a few hours of distraction. Hell, in his current mope, he wasn’t even good for keeping someone else happy for _that_ long.

He turned on the shower to get it hot and brushed his teeth while it warmed up. When he stepped under the spray, his mind conjured up the man he’d seen this afternoon. He’d tried to ignore it all evening, but now there was no more distraction. His memory was hazy at best, but it could have been him. Of course it had been _years_. So many goddamned years.

Dean slammed a fist sideways against the wall. Too hard, but not hard enough for lasting damage to himself or the tile. He was so frustrated that he couldn’t get past this. Jimmy was so long ago, so why couldn’t he let it go? He would forget it literally for _years_ at a time. Then it would suddenly pop back into his head like it had never left and he’d obsess for weeks. He was only a few days into it, but it seemed worse than usual for some reason.

Dean went ahead and jacked off with the memories again, hoping it might stave off the dreams tonight. If he could go a night without the dreams, he knew, he’d be past this a lot faster. When he climbed into bed, if he tucked the extra pillow in front of him like a little spoon, well, there was no one around to see or mock him.

Unfortunately, his plan was only partially successful. He did not have the sex dreams, but he still dreamed about Jimmy. Specifically, he dreamed about the day Jimmy left him and all the things Jimmy had promised that he hadn’t made good on.

~~@~~

_Only a few hours after Jimmy had left his bed to go home, he was back. Unlike the morning, though, Jimmy no longer looked happy. Instead, his face was wrecked. He’d been crying, Dean could tell. He was still trying hard not to._

_“Jimmy, man, what is it?” Dean’s eyes bugged out of his head as a possibility occurred to him. “Did somebody find out?”_

_Jimmy shook his head and a sob escaped him. He finally got out a few words before the crying took him. “I have to leeeaave,” he wailed. “We’re...fucking..._ moving _,” he gasped out around sobs. “To_ day _, Dean. He’s making me go_ today _.”_

_Dean’s insides had turned to ice. This couldn’t be happening. Not Jimmy, not now, not after...everything. No, he couldn’t go. But what could they do? They were sixteen and broke. Jimmy couldn’t just come live with Dean and Dean couldn’t leave Sammy behind and run away with Jimmy._

_So, instead of screaming out the denial that he so fervently wanted to, he tried to comfort Jimmy. “It’s okay, man. It’s okay. Wherever you go, I’ll - I’ll come visit, okay? You write me or call me - tell me where you are, okay? And we’ll work it out. I’m not gonna lose you just because your dad says you gotta move away. I’ll wait for you, Jimmy. Okay?”_

_Jimmy had looked at him with so much hope and relief in those blue eyes that Dean felt bold enough to say, “I love you, Jimmy. I’m not gonna let this tear us apart.”_

_And Jimmy had promised to write. He had promised to call and to tell Dean where he ended up. They were going to keep in touch. They were going to see each other again. But those letters and calls never came. When Dean finally tried to call him, out of desperation to know_ why _he hadn’t made good on his promises, Jimmy’ phone had been disconnected._

_Dean hadn’t said “I love you” since._

~~@~~

Sam spent the rest of the day a bundle of nerves. By the time the car came to get him, he had calmed back down, but only marginally. He had no idea what he was getting himself into with this dinner. He was excited and scared and completely bewildered. Dean was the one with the crazy sex life, wasn’t he?

Except, he wasn’t, not anymore. And really, Sam wasn’t sure it had ever been as crazy as Dean had made it out to be. Not that now was an appropriate time to be thinking about his brother. Or maybe now was the perfect time, lest his libido do away with his common sense.

When he arrived outside a large not-quite-mansion, Sam took a deep breath. Another car was just pulling up in the drive as the driver let him out. He watched as Jody stepped out, wearing a little black dress that made him feel like a slob in his white button down and slacks.

“Hey there, handsome,” Jody called as she neared him. “You ready for this?”

Sam laughed and held out an arm for her to take as they walked toward the house. “Honestly, I’m not even sure if I know what “this” is.”

She grinned at him. “I think it’s whatever we want it to be.”

Before Sam could ring the bell, the door was opened by Gabriel himself, a smirk firmly in place. “Hello, Sam. Jody. You both look ravishing,” he told them as his gaze swept over each in turn.

“You clean up okay, too,” Jody conceded as she swept past his outstretched arm.

Sam said nothing, still not entirely sure how he’d found himself here. He followed Gabriel as he led them to the kitchen. “Dinner is almost ready. Can I get either of you a drink? Beer, wine, whiskey?”

“Some wine would be lovely,” Jody told him.

“Sam? Vino okay for you?”

“That’s fine, yeah.” Sam didn’t like wine all that much, but he figured it would give him something to do at least.

Gabriel told them to have a seat at the bar on the far side of the island, where he was cooking something that smelled really good. He gave them their wine, then went across the room to do more prep work and left them alone for a few minutes.

“So, Sam, tell me about yourself,” Jody said, sipping her wine and rolling the glass between her fingers.

“Well, I went to law school at Stanford, decided I didn’t like it. Came home and became my brother’s partner at his PI office. Now we’ve got a third full time investigator and a few people we hire on an occasional basis, plus a huge office and a secretary.”

Jody smiled and shook her head. “That’s nice, Sam, but none of that is very personal information, is it? I want to know about _you_. What do you like to do? How do you feel about the world? How comfortable are you letting a woman take control in the bedroom?” she asked last, putting a hand on his thigh.

For some reason, it grounded him. “I like organic food, working out, reading, my job and hanging out with my brother. I think the world is a really screwed up place that we just have to deal with as best we can. And I think if someone as beautiful as you wants to order me around when I’m naked, then I am all for it.” He put his large hand over hers on his leg and took a sip of his wine.

“Ah-ah-ah,” Gabriel chastised as he walked over and stood behind and between them. “No fair, flirting without your host. Is that polite?” He put an arm on each of their shoulders. “What are we talking about?”

Sam wasn’t sure what to say, but Jody answered, “About how, when we all get naked, I’ll be the one calling the shots.” Sam’s mouth went dry and he saw Gabriel swallow visibly as he looked at Jody’s challenging face. “Sam said he had no problem with that. Do you?”

Gabriel swallowed again. “Uh, no. I’m fine with that.” He regained his smirk then. “I look forward to it, in fact.” A bell rang somewhere in the room. “Ah, but there’s dinner. If you two would like to have a seat at the table over there?” He pointed to a round table in the middle of the room, with three chairs spaced evenly around it.

Sam pulled out Jody’s chair and she raised an eyebrow. He shrugged sheepishly and she laughed, taking the seat. “Don’t worry, handsome. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to do things for me.” Sam blushed as she winked at him, his nerves returning.

When he turned around, Gabriel was holding out a chair for _Sam_. His blushing only increased, but he sat without comment. As a hand stroked down his arm, a breathy voice in his ear whispered, “Good boy.” Sam felt electricity race down his body from his ear to his toes.

Gabriel held up his wine glass. “A toast,” he proposed, “To new friends.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the food Gabriel had skillfully prepared. Food which Sam nearly choked on when Gabriel finally broke the silence.

“So, Sam…” Gabriel paused to sip his wine. “Jody seems to think you’ve never been with a man before. Is that true?”

Sam downed nearly his entire glass of wine trying to wash down his bite of food without choking. He cleared his throat loudly. He hadn’t been expecting quite that level of bluntness, though his conversation with Jody had been bordering on it. He took a deep breath before trying to answer.

“Yeah, that’s, uh, that’s true,” he admitted in a ragged voice.

“May I ask why that is?”

Startled, Sam made eye contact. Those whiskey eyes were boring into him. “I’ve, uh - “ He paused to clear his throat again. “I’ve never been attracted to a man before.”

It was Gabriel’s turn to be startled. “You - never?” He looked really upset, which Sam couldn’t understand until he spoke again. “Oh. I’m really sorry, Sam. I thought you were attracted to me, too, or I never would have invited you - “

“I am,” Sam said quietly but firmly. “I am attracted to you. Just no man _before_ you.” Then he thought about Gabriel’s words and was mildly offended. “Did you really think I would have come here just for the sake of the company?”

Gabriel held up his hands defensively. “Hey! Some people would have. I’m not judging. Besides, it’s not like I know you well enough to form opinions about what you would or wouldn’t do.”

Sam nodded, appeased. “Yeah, all right.”

Jody’s fork dropped onto her empty plate. “Eat faster boys. I’m going to go freshen up,” she told them, raising her eyebrows at Gabriel in question.

“Up the stairs, last room on the right.”

She smiled, trailing a hand across Sam’s shoulders as she walked past. “I’ll be waiting.”

Sam smiled back, as did Gabriel. Sam couldn’t help watching her walk away, hips gently swaying inside her dress. Then he realized she was watching him over her shoulder with a grin. He managed not to blush, but he gave her a half shrug. Her laughter echoed up the stairs.

When Sam turned around, he saw that Gabriel was staring at him with undisguised interest. Sam swallowed nervously and finished his wine. “I’m not very hungry anymore,” he told Gabriel quietly.

Gabriel stood up without a word and held out his hand, maintaining eye contact. Sam took it and stood himself. The man was nearly a foot shorter than he was, but somehow Sam found him intimidating. Gabriel finally broke eye contact as he led Sam toward the stairs, walking slightly ahead.

Feeling like it was only fair, Sam watched Gabriel’s backside, too. Gabriel looked back to check on Sam and caught him staring at his ass. His eyes widened and his lips curled up in pleased surprise. Sam smiled and shrugged. “I like the view,” he said simply.

“So do I,” Gabriel told him. Heat flushed through Sam again. He was so out of his element here, but he was enjoying it.

He was lucky to have never really had sexual hang-ups. Dean had had a rough time of it when he was growing up and he’d really made a point to explain to Sam - as soon as he’d finally figured it out himself - that as long as what Sam was into didn’t hurt anyone else or put Sam in danger, it was okay. Even if other people thought it was weird or sick or whatever label they wanted to put on it.

Because of that assistance in his upbringing, Sam had never felt that sick twist of guilt in his gut that he knew so many people experienced when they were exposed to a new kink they’d previously been unaware of. Being attracted to a man was unusual for him, but it wasn’t sending him into a big gay panic - or any other sort of panic, for that matter. To him it was no different than when he discovered he liked being tied up sometimes or that he enjoyed digital stimulation during blowjobs. It just was.

Before Sam knew it, they had reached the bedroom. When they walked in, Jody was lying on her side on the bed, wearing a leather corset and her heels. The garment came up to just below her nipples. She sat up and smiled, crossing her legs as she leaned back to give them the full view. Sam’s mouth had gone dry and his cock was stirring.

“Glad you could make it boys. I was about to start without you.” So saying, she reached between her legs and rubbed lightly a few times, staring right at Sam as she did so. Then her eyes flicked to Gabriel and she motioned toward Sam with her head. “Why don’t you kiss our friend there and then help him out of his clothes?” Her eyes were dark with want when they turned back to Sam, as if she was already imagining it.

Sam held Jody’s gaze another few seconds, then looked at Gabriel. His smile was predatory, but his eyes showed nervousness. Sam smiled at him encouragingly and licked his lips. Hunger replaced the nerves in Gabriel’s eyes then. His hand came up to Sam’s neck and Sam’s head moved down.

When his lips touched Gabriel’s there were no fireworks or explosions. Time didn’t stop and the world didn’t end. All that happened was the strongest wave of attraction he had ever felt rushed over him in a wave, spreading fire through his blood. He couldn’t open his mouth fast enough to slide his tongue out and into Gabriel’s waiting mouth.

Gabriel made a noise of surprise, but he let Sam claim him with his tongue. Gabriel was meant to be in control here - well, after Jody - but Sam’s hands came up and gripped Gabriel’s face of their own accord. His fingers scrabbled against the skin of Gabriel’s neck and face, the back of his head, finally settling on clutching his head with one hand and his shoulder with the other, getting as close as he could in the kiss.

For his part, Gabriel seemed to be having much the same reaction to Sam. His own hands were roaming and he, too, clung as tightly as he could. His tongue swept into Sam’s mouth, as if treasure were buried at the back of it. Sam moaned into it, both arms wrapping tightly around Gabriel now, while his hands swept over Gabriel’s hair.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Sam heard Jody say from the bed. When they broke apart, she was staring at them in pure lust. “You both need to be naked as fast as humanly possible.”

Gabriel started unbuttoning Sam’s shirt, kissing every bit of skin that he uncovered, though he didn’t linger anywhere, evidently in as much of a rush as Jody. When his shirt was gone, Jody moved from the bed. She slid up behind him, planting kisses all over his back and running her hands up his chest. She nipped and sucked all over his shoulder blades and the sides of his back, near his stomach and above his hips.

Once Gabriel had finally managed to undo the button at the top of his pants and slide down the zipper, Jody grabbed the waistband and slid them down - boxer briefs and all - to the floor. He kicked out of his shoes and his pants, removing his socks as he watched Jody move to Gabriel. She kissed him now, helping him off with his clothes at the same time.

When she slid his pants down, she went down to her knees with them and took his cock in her hand. “Impressive,” she told him as she took him into her mouth. Sam gave himself a couple of strokes as he watched Gabriel’s head fall back in pleasure. Jody worked with hand and mouth, making little happy humming noises as she sucked his cock.

She pulled off and pointed at the bed. “Up there, on your knees,” she demanded. As soon as he’d managed to removed his shoes, socks and pants, Gabriel complied. He knelt almost in the center of the large bed and Jody sat down on the edge directly in front of him, her back to him. She curled her finger at Sam in a “come hither” motion and he found his feet moving with his having told them to.

“On your knees,” she commanded him when he reached her.

She drew him in for a kiss nearly as hot as the one he’d shared with Gabriel. She directed his hands to her breasts and he kneaded and stroked them with expert skill. He teased the nipples between his fingers until she broke the kiss. Then she leaned back, dragging his head down to her chest.

He sucked one hard nipple into his mouth and bit gently, flicking his tongue around it in a slow circle. “Suck on it,” she instructed, pressing his head closer. So he sucked harder. She writhed and panted beneath him, touching herself again. Then she moved his head to the other breast to repeat the process. “Fuck yeah,” she said, dragging him back up for another kiss before lying backward.

Sam moved between her legs, mouthing over the silky fabric of her panties before starting to slide them over her hips. Then he felt found the handy snaps on the waistband and tore the garment away, revealing Jody’s pussy completely. His cock throbbed and he gave it another stroke. She looked up at Gabriel and the other man adjusted his position until his cock was lined up with her mouth.

As Sam’s mouth closed over her clit, he watched Gabriel’s impressive cock slip between Jody’s lips. Before long, he could see it moving inside her long graceful throat. He licked at her in earnest, sliding a finger inside now. She moaned around Gabriel’s cock at that and Sam looked up to gauge the other man’s reaction.

His mouth was open and his head was back, obviously enjoying himself greatly. Sam lapped and sucked and slid another finger inside Jody, hoping another moan would escape. It was hot not only because it turned her on, but because his actions caused actions that turned on Gabriel more, too. He crooked his fingers inside her soft wet cunt in search of her G-spot. It wasn’t long until he found it.

The way her hips came off the bed as she came, he assumed she liked it. The moans that traveled through her to Gabriel’s cock were good indicators, as well.

“Fuck, Sam, whatever you’re doing to her, _keep doing it,_ ” Gabriel groaned as his hips rolled him in and out of her mouth.

She had other ideas. “No, get up here and fuck me, Sam. Maybe find out what Shorty’s cock tastes like at the same time,” she suggested with a filthy grin. She pulled a condom out of a hidden pocket in her corset. “Glove up, Handsome.”

He leaned down to kiss her as he rolled the latex over himself. When he pulled away, Gabriel’s cock was right there. Jody was looking at him, as if waiting to see what he would do. He glanced up at Gabriel, who shrugged, but Sam could see the naked want in his eyes.

Outwardly exhibiting a boldness he didn’t feel, he took Gabriel's dick in his hand. He made eye contact with Jody as he guided himself inside her. Then he looked up at Gabriel and licked a long wet stripe up the underside of his cock before sucking the head into his mouth.

His movements were awkward and clumsy as he attempted his first blowjob, but Gabriel seemed to be incredibly turned on just by virtue of the attempt. The constant roll of his hips was good for Jody, too, but he felt like he was neglecting her, so he pulled off Gabriel and kissed her again, changing the angle slightly to get a little deeper, stretch her a little wider.

Her quickening breath told him she appreciated his efforts. Her hips rose to meet his, over and over. He forgot Gabriel for a moment as he lost himself in Jody completely. No doubt this was how he missed the other man climbing off the bed and moving to stand behind him. The first he became aware of it was when a hand slid over his ass.

Sam looked over his shoulder to see Gabriel with his eyebrows up, asking permission. In response, Sam reached back and took Gabriel’s hand and moved it to the center of his ass, sliding it up and down over where his cheeks met. He blushed, but he maintained eye contact. Gabriel licked his lips and Sam turned back to Jody, snapping his hips hard to make sure she knew he was still very much with her.

“Oh, fuck, yeah, handsome. Do that again!” she cried before he snapped them a few more times while Gabriel massaged his ass.

Then on one backstroke, a lube-covered finger slid over his hole and he paused, waiting to see if it would enter him. When it didn’t, he roll forward again, but as he slid out this time, the finger breached the tight ring of muscle and his momentum drove him back onto it up to the first knuckle or so. He snapped his hips forward, then back onto the finger.

After a few times like this, Gabriel began working his fingers into Sam’s ass with more determination. It both made Sam last longer inside Jody by distracting him and increased his pleasure as the pads of Gabriel’s fingers pressed that magic place inside him that made sparks light up inside his skull.

Sam kept kissing Jody - mouth, neck, shoulder, breasts - before he finally reached down to thumb over her clit. She grabbed his arm and held his hand in place then. Within moments, her breath grew ragged and she started making new noises. She swore and said his name and bucked under him frantically, seemingly unable to get enough of his cock inside her. He worked his hips harder, trying to give her everything she needed.

When she finally came, she screamed and her pussy clutched at him, almost pulling him over the edge with her. If Gabriel hadn’t removed his fingers, it would have. He kissed Jody and gently slid out, stroking himself a few times before turning around to pull Gabriel into a kiss.

“Unf,” Jody murmured sleepily. “I think I need a break. I’m sure you two can find some way to amuse yourselves, but I need water.”

Gabriel told her there were cups in the bathroom. She forced herself off the bed with obvious effort and left the room in search of hydration.

“So, Sam,” Gabriel began, running his fingers through the taller man’s sweat-damp hair. “I know you’re new to all this. How do you feel about bottoming? Are you ready for that?”

Sam drew him up for another kiss and walked them both toward the bed. He sat and pulled Gabriel between his legs, still kissing. as he gripped the other man by the ass, he finally pulled away, long enough to ask, “Am I prepped enough?” Gabriel shifted enough to bring their cocks together and Sam groaned. He was achingly hard now.

“You could probably use a little more,” Gabriel told him, eyes hopeful.

“Then you should get on that,” Sam told him, leaning back onto the bed and raising one of his long, slim legs to put his foot up on the mattress.

Gabriel peeled off Sam’s condom and discarded it, grabbing a fresh one for himself. The lube was still on the bed where Gabriel had apparently left it and he picked it up, too. Then Gabriel knelt between Sam’s legs and swallowed Sam’s cock down whole with no warning.

“Oh, fuck, Gabe!” Sam cried out, shortening the man’s name without a thought. Fingers slid into him again and he thought he might lose his mind. He let out a stream of nonsense that all meant “This is one of the best things I have ever felt, please give me more of it” but mostly sounded like swearing and grunts.

“You like that, huh?” Gabriel asked as he pulled off. His fingers didn’t stop their movement. He glanced down to where they were moving, then back up to Sam’s face. “I think your body is ready. Are you?”

Sam nodded without hesitation. He wanted this. He wanted Gabriel. For the first time in his life, he wanted to know what it was like to be taken instead of taking. To have someone inside him instead of being inside someone else. It was new and a little bit daunting, but he was ready.

Gabriel put on his condom and lubed up, just as Jody walked back into the room. “Well, this looks like it’s about to get good,” she purred, walking back over to the bed.

Gabriel raised one of Sam’s legs and she took it to hold in place, running her hand up and down the inside of his thigh. Gabriel leaned down and took Sam’s mouth in a kiss as he lined up his cock with Sam’s hole. He slowly pressed forward until he was sheathed completely in Sam’s heat.

For Sam the experience was wholly unique. He’d never been with two people at all before, let alone when one was a man. No one had ever put more than a finger inside his ass. Now something that was very much not a finger was inside him and it felt... _right_. It felt... _good._ He was about to get fucked and he couldn’t wait.

As Gabriel raised back up, Jody’s hand moved from his thigh to his cock and began to stroke. Gabriel began to move his hips, rocking in and out of Sam slowly, letting him adjust to all the new sensations. Then Jody replaced her hand with her mouth and sucked him off as Gabriel started to fuck him in earnest.

“Oh, yes, fuck, Jody, yes.” Then Gabriel shifted to catch that wonderful bundle of nerves inside him. “Gabe! Fuck!” he cried as things behind his eyes exploded in color and sound and light. “It’s good, it’s so good,” he whined as the two of them took him higher and higher towards ecstasy.

“Why don’t you fuck him while I fuck him?” Gabriel suggested to Jody. “Condoms are in that drawer.”

Sam’s eyes flew open at the words, as Gabriel slowed his rhythm. He watched as Jody kissed Gabriel and then walked around him to get the condom. He went to reach for himself, but Gabriel grabbed his hand.

“Ah-ah-ah, save that for Jody,” Gabriel admonished. Sam whined, but dropped his hand.

In only a few more seconds, though, Jody was covering his cock in the condom and climbing on top of him. As she slid over him, taking his cock fully inside her, Gabriel pulled out. The Gabriel slammed forward as Jody rose off of him. They kept up this frustrating rhythm for several minutes. They were some of the best minutes Sam could recall, even if he thought he was going to end up insane afterward.

Then Jody and Gabriel both got lost in their own pleasure and stopped trying to tease him. The pair of them began to move faster, nearly matching their strokes now. Jody rode his cock while Gabriel repeatedly slammed into his ass. Though his cock was inside her, it felt to Sam like Jody was the one taking him. Gabriel was definitely taking him. It made him feel dirty and sexy and amazing to be taken by two people at once.

It wasn’t long before he felt his orgasm nearing. He reached down again for Jody’s clit and once again she held his hand in place. “Oh, fuck, yeah, Sam.” Then Gabriel must have done something Sam couldn’t see because she moaned, “Oh, yeah, Gabriel, yes, please, _fuck_!” and then she was coming.

This time, the convulsions around his cock combined with the thrusts against his prostate were enough to send him over, and he came as Jody’s orgasm was finally waning. Jody collapsed on top of him as soon as he was done.

“Come for me, Gabriel!” Sam cried out. A few strokes more and Gabriel did, crying out harshly and nearly bruising Sam’s hips with the grip of his fingers. He pulled out and removed the condom, stumbling over to throw it away before collapsing across the top of the bed, tangling a hand in Sam’s hair.

“You’re both welcome to spend the night,” he mumbled into the mattress.

“Hm,” Jody considered. “Ask me again after round two.”

Gabriel groaned. “Too tired. Samson wore me out. Need rest now.”

Already recovering, Jody evidently took Gabe’s words as a challenge and grinned at Sam. He had also gotten his second wind and grinned back. Together, they climbed up to the head of the bed and went to work on convincing Gabriel he wasn’t really as tired as he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *passes out moist towelettes and fans* This was a new thing for me when I wrote it. Interested to hear your thoughts, darlings. ♥


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets heartbreaking news; Charlie screws up; Jody cancels on dinner, leaving Sam and Gabriel alone for the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, the time between the first two chapters seemed to drag and the time between the second and third flew by. However, I'm rewarding your patience with an extra chapter!*
> 
> ###### Do you trust me? Read the tags/warnings and have faith, my beautiful children.

When Dean woke up, he swore he could smell Jimmy. He had only dreamed about the painful part, not the sex, yet he still woke up with the scent of him in his nose. Dean scrubbed a hand down his face, trying to wake up. He forced himself out of bed and into the bathroom, where he splashed cold water on his face.

It helped clear his head a bit. He debated another shower, but he decided he was going to use the time for something else. As Benny had told him, it was time to stop hiding from it. If he didn't want this to haunt him forever, he needed to find Jimmy Novak and learn the truth.

He chose a suit at random, then opted to have breakfast before he got dressed. He had a quick bowl of cereal, anxious now to get to the office before anyone else and start his search. He ate and dressed in half the time it normally took him.

There was little traffic this time of the morning, so he made it to work in only a few minutes. He sat in the car for a while, steadying himself. His heart was pounding and he was sick to his stomach. He took deep breaths until he could get out.

Up on the third floor he locked himself in his office with a large cup of coffee and no small amount of fear. Steeling himself, he booted up his computer. When he finally got to the search, it took him three tries to type in the name correctly.

It took several minutes to complete the search and Dean was nearly out of his mind. When it finished the answer made him frown.

_No results found._

Dean had started with the most common search because he hadn't expected to have to dig very deeply to find something. In this digital age it was hard for people living normal lives not to leave some trace of themselves on the world wide web.

Unsure what any of this meant - but almost certain it was nothing good - he skipped the next two medium strength searchers and just went right for the big gun. He didn't want to keep coming up empty.

_1 record found._

Oh shit. Dean had seen that often enough to know what it meant. Still, he clicked the record anyway, heart dropping through the basement of the building.

"No," he said aloud in his empty office as it loaded. "Aw, man, no, not Jimmy."

But there it was in front of him. A death notice. Dated only a few weeks after Jimmy had left. Dean wanted to tell himself it wasn't possible, but he was staring directly at the black and white proof that it was not only possible, but true.

He quickly did another search - mostly to hold off the inevitable emotional shitstorm - looking for Jimmy' father. To his shock, another death notice, but dated only two days after Jimmy had left him. All the accumulated anger of years evaporated in an instant, leaving him defenseless against the hurt.

He’d been so angry and so hurt all this time. Instead of forgetting him, like Dean had thought, Jimmy must have been going through his own personal hell. Forced to move and then his dad dies? _And then what_? Dean wondered. How had Jimmy died? Why hadn’t he called Dean when his dad died?

Dammit, he’d just wanted answers. Instead, he now had another broken heart and so many more questions. He fired off a quick text to Benny. He wasn’t up to calling him. He didn’t feel like crying, but he had a weight in his belly and it felt like there was something lodged in his throat.

**Found him. He died.**

He wasn’t really sure if it was too early to expect a response, but apparently not because it was only a few minutes before Benny replied.

**> Brother, I’m sorry to hear that.**

**> Guess there’s not much I can do for you, but you know I’m here if you need me.**

**Thanks, man**

Dean didn’t say more and neither did Benny. What was there to say? Dean wished that he could cry. It just wasn’t real yet, he supposed. It had been a long time, sure, but obviously that didn’t mean much.

“Why didn’t you call me, man?” Dean asked his long-dead friend. “Fuck, if you’d just called me, you might be alive right now.”

For a moment, Dean’s mind insisted he let that scenario play out. Jimmy calling him when his dad died. Dean would have told him to come back, stay with them. He’d have gone to get him if necessary. Then Jimmy would have moved in and...no. He couldn’t let himself go down that road. What would his life be now, if that had happened? How many mistakes could he have avoided?

His mind wouldn’t stop, though. Jimmy showing up on his doorstep. Asking to stay. Waking up with him every morning instead of spending all those nights wondering where he was and why he hadn’t loved Dean enough to call. He could have been with him all this time. Or maybe they’d still have broken up, but they’d have gotten more time than just one stupid night.

That’s when the tears finally came. When he thought about how those eyes and lips and hands were gone from the world forever. That by itself was a tragedy. A travesty. His beautiful Jimmy. God, how he’d loved him. But he’d left the world and Dean hadn’t even known. All this time, Dean had been angry and Jimmy had been dead.

Jimmy had been so bright and good. How could he be gone?

Fortunately - or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it - Garth arrived in the office. Dean was so surprised by how much time had passed that it shocked him out of his crying. Garth must have seen the light because he knocked and Dean got up and let him in.

“Dean! Man, are you all right?”

Dean let out a laugh that was a little hysterical. “Honestly, Garth, I don’t know. Um, old...friend, uh...he, uh...he died.”

“Oh, wow, Dean, that’s too bad, I’m so sorry. Can I do anything?”

“Yeah, just, um, keep Charlie out and send Sam in when he gets here, okay?”

“Sure thing, boss.” Garth stared at him a minute, but he finally left without another word.

Dean wasn’t sure what he did between the time Garth left and when Sam showed up, but he thought it was probably sit there in a daze. It wasn’t until Sam walked in, looking concerned, that Dean realized he hadn’t told him he’d been having the dreams again. Before he could say anything, though, Sam was walking.

“Dean, who died? What’s going on?”

Dean took a deep breath, afraid he would start crying again if he said it out loud, but he didn’t. “Jimmy Novak. Jimmy died.”

“What?” Sam replied, shocked. “When? How’d you find out? What happened?”

Too many questions. “Back then, man. A few weeks after he left. His, uh, his dad died a couple days after and he died a few weeks after that. I don’t know what of or anything.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve been...having the dreams again. Benny told me maybe it was time to look him up, find out what happened.” He shrugged.

Sam sat down heavily in one of the chairs opposite the desk. “Shit. So all this time? I’m sorry, Dean.” He ran a hand down his thigh and picked off some lint. Dean just watched, as though it were fascinating. “Why didn’t he call us, though? When his old man died?” Dean knew the questions were rhetorical. Sam wasn’t even looking at him now.

He answered anyway. “I don’t know, man. I’ve been trying to figure that out.” Then he looked at his brother and how young he suddenly looked and realized he was being a bit selfish. “I’m sorry too. I know you two were friends. You got hurt when he left same as I did.”

Sam nodded. “Not like you did, though. I’m okay. It _is_ sad. He was way too young. And so... _good_ , you know?” He looked up at Dean for the last words.

Dean just nodded. Talking to Sam had helped remind him it was in the past. That they had come a long way since then. He slapped his thighs with his hands and stood up, walking over to the other chair next to Sam and taking a seat again.

“So, tell me about this date of yours last night.”

Sam’s entire face turned red and he couldn’t look at his brother. Dean laughed with his head thrown back, then grinned and clapped Sam on the shoulder.

“Went that good, huh? That’s my boy, Sammy!” Sam smiled, half annoyed and half pleased to have impressed his brother. “You seeing them again?” Sam flicked his eyes to Dean’s nose and then away. He nodded. “You cool with whatever happened?”

“Yeah, man. Definitely cool with it. It was fucking amazing...” He cringed as he remembered himself. “Just embarrassed talking to my brother about it.”

“All right, message received. I just wanted to make sure nothing uncool happened.”

“No, Dean, I’m - it was good.” He was able to meet Dean’s eyes this time and Dean could see he meant what he said.

“Awesome.” He stood up again. “All right, we better get to work.”

Sam stopped at the door, looking over his shoulder. “Dean? Sorry again.”

Dean just nodded and waved him out.

Left on his own again, Dean threw himself into paperwork. Unfortunately, he’d been keeping up to date on his paperwork lately, so he didn’t have a lot of it to do. Still, it took care of an hour and now he had other things to do, like call clients and mail out reports. He had surveillance scheduled later today, but he really wasn’t looking forward to it. It was in the same area where he’d seen the Jimmy lookalike and seeing him again today might send Dean into some sort of episode.

Still, he had a job to do, so he had to do it. Thankfully, he had the added distraction of Charlie, after he was done with his latest round of phone calls. She came in and plopped down while he was on the phone, but stayed quiet until he was finished. As soon as he hung up, though, she popped out of her chair and walked over to perch on the corner of his desk.

“I think I’m going to tell her.”

“Tell who what?” He belatedly realized what she probably meant, but it had been a rough morning.

“Jody. That I think she’s my mom.” She stared down at her feet.

He frowned. “Are you sure it’s time to tell her? What happened to waiting until the job is over?”

She looked up at him and smirked. “The job _is_ over, boss man! I totally caught that sucker red-handed last night.”

“That was easy,” Dean said, shocked and a little impressed.

“Shyeah! Dude was an _idiot_. He literally left a meeting at Jody’s office - where he was pretending to limp no less - and went straight out to a dance club! Can you believe it? Anyway, so I got him dead to rights and she’s coming in today for a report.”

“Okay, then. Good luck, I guess. I hope it works out.”

She looked worried for a second, but then her face relaxed. “Of course it will, Dean. I’m Charlie Bradbury!” She grinned and started to walk out, but her phone rang. “Oh, it’s her. Hello?” she said into the phone, sitting back down in one of Dean’s chairs. “Now? Sure, yeah, that’s fine. Okay. See you then.”

Charlie hung up and looked at him with wide terrified eyes, staring to pace while chewing her thumbnail. “She’s coming over now instead of this afternoon. Shit! What am I supposed to do? I thought I had hours to work this out!”

“Charlie, calm down. It’s gonna be fine. You’re Charlie Bradbury, remember?”

She swung her face to him suddenly, going completely still. Then she smiled. “Damn right. I’m gonna kick this in the ass.” She nodded decisively and left.

Dean’s surveillance hours went fine. There was no activity either from the building he was meant to watch or the guy in the trenchcoat. He considered that breaking even. There was one more day of surveillance scheduled on that job and he’d have to talk to the client about whether or not they wanted to continue.

When he got back to the office, Garth was on the phone, but he waved frantically for Dean to wait. “Yes, ma’am, I’ll have him call you back first thing. You have a wonderful day. Thank you.” He scribbled something on a piece of paper, holding his finger up to Dean until he was finished.

Finally he looked up, concern etched all over his face. “Dean, you need to go check on Charlie. That Jody Mills lady came by for a briefing and it didn’t go very well, I don’t think. She stormed out after a few minutes and Charlie’s been crying ever since.”

“Aw, hell.” He nodded. “All right. I gotta put my stuff down in my office first then I’ll go check on her.”

He sighed and jogged to his office to put his things down. He took a deep breath and headed over to Charlie’s office. He knocked on the door, but didn’t wait for her to tell him to come in. She glared up at him with red rimmed eyes as he stepped through the entrance.

“I didn’t say it was okay to come in!”

“Yeah, well,” he murmured as he reached for her hand and pulled her up and into his arms. “Little birdie told me you needed me.”

To his relief, she didn’t fight his hold, but it was a little worrying that she just relaxed into the embrace so readily. She hugged back like she was afraid of letting go and that wasn’t good. He tilted up her face to look at him, but she had her eyes closed and didn’t open them.

“What happened, sweetheart?”

“I screwed it up and she got mad and told me to stay away from her.”

“Nice editorializing, but tell me what _happened_.”

He felt Charlie’s deep breath as much as he heard it. “I just blurted it out. No lead-in, no work-up, I just took her check and blurted out ‘I think you’re my mom.’” She ducked her head and her words were muffled. “She asked me what I meant and I told her I was adopted and I’d been searching for my birth mother and that I was pretty sure it was her.”

She finally pulled back and looked up at him, miserable. Then she buried her face even deeper in the crook of his arm. He just mindlessly rubbed his hand up and down her back and tucked his chin over her head for a moment. After a bit she pulled back out so she could speak again.

“So I basically had to admit to her that our meeting hadn’t been by accident and she was creeped out and mad and she felt used and like I tricked her into hiring us - even though I swear I didn’t, Dean. And she said she didn’t know if she was my mom or not, but she hadn’t wanted to be found. She told me to leave her alone and not try to contact her again.”

Charlie started to cry then, burrowing into Dean like he was a comforter. He just held on and petted her gently. Her thin body shook against him and he leaned over to grab the tissues from the desk. He handed her a few and she took them with a grateful smile. They stood there for a few minutes, until she was cried out.

“It’s gonna be okay, Charlie. All right? I have to leave now, are you going to be okay here by yourself? You wanna go home early?”

Charlie gave him a wide-eyed look. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“Of course not, Red. Just make sure Garth knows about anything you were supposed to do today, so he can have me or Sam do it. You go on home and get some rest.”

“Thanks, Dean.” She hugged him again, this time with a lot more life.

As soon as she had left the office, he told Garth to hold the fort and he left, too. He felt like he was storming a castle, but his only weapon was his phone’s GPS with its directions to Mills Security Inc. He didn’t know if she would even see him, but he had to try, for Charlie’s sake. The office was smaller than his, but not insubstantial. He smiled charmingly at the secretary and asked if he could see Ms. Mills.

To his relief, the secretary was dazzled enough by him that she didn’t ask the questions she probably should have. She just told Jody there was someone there to see her and asked if she was free. When Jody came out and saw him, she frowned, but waved him toward the office without a word.

“You here about your business or about Charlie?” she asked as she sat down behind her desk and motioned him toward one of the other chairs.

He walked over and placed the check on her desk. “Charlie.”

She made a face at the check and pushed it back toward him. “I’ll pay for the work. She did a good job.” She sighed and looked over her shoulder. Then she stood up and walked over to one of the other chairs. “You got any big secrets, Mr. Winchester?”

“Please call me Dean. And I don’t know how to answer that. I think we all probably have one at least.”

“Dean, then. Can you imagine if that secret was something you tried not to think about because it just drove you crazy with guilt and what ifs? And then one day, you’re living your life, things are going pretty good, actually, for a change, and then - _Bam_!” Here she laughed. “That secret walks up and slaps you in the face and gives you a candy gram?”

“I probably wouldn’t react too well.”

She shook her head. “No. I didn’t react very well.” She sighed and rubbed her cheeks with her hands. “I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t ready. It’s not that I don’t want to meet - “ She shook her head and sighed again. “I’ve had some time to calm down. I know I overreacted. She’s just a scared kid, looking for answers.” She laughed again. “The stupidest thing is, if she is my daughter, I don’t _want_ to turn her away.”

Her eyes welled up. He walked over and knelt next to her, offering her his hand. She took it. He tentatively put a hand on her back. She looked up at him, but didn’t ask him to remove it, so he smoothed his hand over her back, much as he had done to Charlie. She leaned into it and squeezed the hand that held hers.

“You got scared. It happens. It’s a tough situation.” He looked at her in appraisal. “But I’ll tell you what. Charlie is one of the best people I know. She’s smart, funny, tough - and she’d go to the mat for anybody she cared about - or anybody she just met, if she thought they deserved it. She’s good people.”

Jody gave him a weak smile. “And I should be so lucky as to have her for a long lost daughter?”

He smiled back. “Something like that.”

She nodded, then frowned. “Should I call her first or go back?”

“Well, she’s not at the office, but if you want, I can take you to her.”

Jody pursed her lips in thought. Finally she started moving her head up and down slowly. “Yeah, I think that would be good. I’ll get a cab back here. Or maybe she can drive me. If you’re sure you don’t mind?”

“For Charlie? I’d piggyback you there.” That got a real smile.

~~@~~

Sam was surprised when Jody called him, not least of which because he hadn’t given her his number.

“Hey, Handsome, it’s Jody. Listen, something really important came up and I’m not going to be able to make dinner tonight. I’d love to, I really would - last night was fantastic - but this is more important. Can you tell Shorty for me?”

“Uh, sure, Jody, I understand,” Sam told her, still confused. “How did you get my number, though?”

“Oh. Charlie gave it to me. Hope that’s okay. I was a little distracted the other night or I’d have gotten it myself.”

“No, it’s fine, totally fine. Like you said, um, fantastic.” He smiled as he said it, remembering. Then he was disappointed. “It’s too bad you can’t make it, but maybe we can do it again some other time. Um,” he hesitated then went for it. “With or without Gabe, whatever you want.”

He heard a smile in her voice, too. “Hell yeah, Handsome. That sounds good. I’ll talk to you soon.”

After they hung up, he didn’t waste any time calling Gabriel. He picked up in the middle of the first ring. “Sam-o! Please don’t tell me you’re calling to cancel. My ego cannot take that hit right now.”

Sam laughed. “No, I still want to have dinner. Jody, though, she can’t make it.”

“Oh.” Gabriel was quiet. Since that wasn’t a natural state of affairs, Sam wasn’t sure what to make of it. “Maybe we’ll go somewhere besides Umberto’s, then. That okay with you?”

“Sure, I don’t mind where we go.” Sam ducked his head and lowered his voice, suddenly self-conscious. “Are we still having, you know, _dessert_?”

Gabriel laughed, hard and loud, in Sam’s ear. “Sam-o, anyone can tell you, dessert is my favorite part.”

Sam smiled, heat rising in his face as he remembered their last encounter. “Okay, then. Sounds, uh, sounds good. You’re sending a car?”

“Actually, I think I’ll pick you up myself this time. See you at seven, Sam-o.” He hung up without waiting for a reply.

The rest of the day passed quickly. Dean and Charlie were gone for most of the afternoon, leaving Sam to speak with any new customers that came in. There weren’t a ton of them, but enough that - between appointments and paperwork - it kept Sam busy. When he was finished with the paperwork, he headed out, leaving a little early so he could spend a little extra time getting ready.

“Goodnight, Sam. You got another big date lined up?” Garth asked with his usual smile.

“Yeah, kind of,” Sam admitted with a self-conscious grin.

“Me, too.” He leaned closer so he could speak softly, even though no one else was in the office. “It’s my third date with Betty, so you know what that means.” He looked around to make sure they were indeed alone before he whispered, “Tonight we get to try the kinky stuff!”

Sam, having expected Garth to say “I get to kiss her” or maybe even “We might have sex”, laughed so loud it echoed through the office. He clapped Garth on the back. “Good luck with that, man.” He shook his head and strode to the elevator, in a great mood.

At home, he took extra care getting ready. He didn’t know why it mattered so much. He supposed it was because Gabriel seemed so effortlessly put together. It was stupid to worry about it. The man had already seen him naked...among other things. If the night went anything like the last dinner they’d had, his hair and clothes were both going to end up tangled, sweaty messes by the end of it - and so were Gabe’s.

He chose a button-up shirt that had blue and green and brown to match his eyes. It was a gift from an ex, so he hoped that didn’t make it bad luck. He chose silk boxers and a pair of lightweight black pants. He messed with his hair some more and then called himself an idiot. It didn’t stop him from spraying on some cologne, though.

Right at seven, the doorbell rang. Gabriel was standing there with a small bouquet of wildflowers and a tiny box of expensive, organic chocolates. He was also wearing the cheesiest grin Sam had ever seen. Sam rolled his eyes, but he was grinning, too. He took the flowers and chocolate and invited Gabriel inside his humble little house while he went to find water.

“Nice place,” Gabriel said when he returned from the tiny kitchen.

Sam shrugged. “Thanks.” It was nothing compared to Gabriel’s house, but Sam didn’t feel inadequate. He sensed no mocking in Gabriel’s tone, either, and that made a difference.

“Normally small spaces make me feel boxed in, so I like having a lot of space, but this place, I don’t know. I guess it feels less confining and more...cozy?” There was something in Gabriel’s face that made Sam think there was a story in there somewhere. Some reason why he felt confined in smaller spaces. Sam wondered if he’d be in Gabriel’s life long enough - or get close enough - for Gabriel to let him hear it.

“Yeah, I tried,” Sam said with a smile. “Thanks for the, um, the gifts. That was sweet.”

Gabriel shrugged. “I like to do the unexpected.” He looked around one more time and then held out his arm. “Shall we?”

The ride to the restaurant was pleasant. Gabriel was really good at small talk and Sam let himself be led for a while. When there was a lull, he finally asked where they were going, since they’d been driving for a while at that point.

“There’s this little out of the way place I like to go. I usually just go there by myself because it’s quiet, but I thought it would be a good place for dinner conversation.”

Sam laughed a little. “You didn’t seem all that interested in conversation last night.”

Gabriel smirked and raised a shoulder. “That was when there were three of us and before I knew you’d never been with - or wanted to be with - another guy before.” He grinned. “ _Now_ I feel like I want to know more about anyone who could have a new experience like that and just give himself over to it so readily, with no big gay panic.”

Sam’s laugh was louder this time. He was pretty sure Gabriel was completely serious, but it seemed so incongruous with his personality. He seemed like a person who overindulged in the pleasures of life and didn’t think too much about them - but maybe Sam was being unfair.

“I’m really not that interesting, I promise. My brother, now, he’s the one who has a tragic back-story. His story is kind of the reason I am the way I am, though, I guess?” He paused as he realized they were pulling into a parking lot. The side of the building read “Jacques’ Bistro” in white script letters.

“Hold that thought, Samalicious. We have arrived.” Gabe made his eyebrows dance and Sam just grinned like an idiot. He really liked this guy. Gabriel was a lot of fun.

The restaurant was not at all what he expected. He’d thought it might be some intimate, dimly lit place for lovers - despite Gabriel’s claims that he often dined here alone. Instead, it was quiet, and the tables were spaced far apart for privacy, but they weren’t made small to encourage closeness. Nor was the lighting particularly dim. It wasn’t as bright as a diner, but it wasn’t a candle lit romantic getaway place, either.

“Nice,” Sam said sincerely when he looked around.

Gabriel was greeted by name and they were led to an isolated table in the corner. It was framed by windows, so it wasn’t made for making out. Gabe ordered a bottle of wine, but checked to see if Sam wanted anything else for himself, so Sam ordered a beer.

They made more small talk while they perused the menu. When they had their drinks and had placed their orders, Gabriel went right back to their previous conversation.

“Okay, Sam-o, tell me all about yourself. Or your brother. Whatever it was you were about to tell me in the car.”

Sam took a long pull off his beer and started tearing apart one of the rolls they’d been given. “Well, uh, first of all, I was really surprised I was the one you were interested in? Not only because he’s usually the one who gets hit on, but also, uh, he’s bisexual.” His smile was self-effacing. “Not that that seems to make a difference to our chemistry, I guess, since I’m not and yet I’m here with you.”

Gabriel actually laughed. “So, it’s really just me?” Sam nodded as he drank more of his beer. “That’s kinda cool, actually. That means I will always be the hottest guy in the room to you.” He winked, but then started toying with his wine glass and didn’t look at Sam for a second. “Which is only fair, since you’re always going to be that for me.”

Sam blushed. The compliment was obviously sincere, since it was told without any of Gabriel’s usual smirking or bravado. “Wow, I - thanks.”

Gabriel shrugged, still not looking. A smile pulled at one corner of his mouth. “Your brother’s hot - there’s no denying that - but he’s not my type.” He shook his head, as if he could fling off the serious tone the conversation had taken. “Anyway, you were telling me how you can be so nonchalant about suddenly switching teams.”

“Right. Well, Dean didn’t have the easiest time with his sexuality. .Our dad was a marine and then a cop and he was 100% sold on the idea of what a real man was. Real men did not have sex with other men, in his opinion.”

“He sounds like a real charmer,” Gabe replied, but there was no malice in it.

“He was...he looks worse on paper than he actually was, I guess, but for Dean, it made being bisexual really difficult. There were other people around, too, making it hard for him. Some real homophobic assholes.”

The waiter came to check on them then, so Sam stopped talking. He ordered a second beer and then the waiter was gone again.

“Basically, he had it rough, suffered through a lot of guilt and shame and…” Sam trailed off, realizing Dean wouldn’t like being talked about so much. “Anyway, he was four years older than me and once he figured out that the guilt and shame were bullshit, he was determined that my life was going to be easier than his.”

He shrugged and paused in his tale as the waiter set his second beer down. He smiled and nodded at the man before he stepped away.

“So he told me that, if it didn’t hurt anyone else and it felt good, it was probably okay. That if I liked something other people thought was weird, it didn’t matter. Chances were there was someone else out there who liked it, too.” Sam snorted as he remembered what Dean had told him. “Actually, he said, ‘Sam, if you wanna stick your dick in a pudding cup, it’s nobody’s business but yours and the pudding’s.’”

Gabriel laughed loudly enough that a few people looked over, but Sam ignored them. He just grinned at Gabe.

“I like your brother,” Gabriel told him decisively.

“Sure didn’t seem that way at the meeting.”

Gabriel looked sly all of a sudden. “To be honest, I wanted to see if he could put up with my shit. I’ve had people snap at me for a hell of a lot less than what I was throwing at your brother. I can get testy and childish when my blood sugar drops - and sometimes when my blood sugar is fine and I’m just bored - so I have to know the people I hire can handle it.”

“Yet you decided you wanted me to be your investigator.”

Gabriel shrugged and made direct eye contact. “I don’t think you’ll ever bore me.”

Sam felt a heat pool in his belly and he licked his lips, staring down at the beer bottle label for a moment. “So, tell me about you, Gabe,” he asked, changing the subject.

Gabriel smirked, knowing full well what Sam was trying to do. He steepled his hands on the table. “You mean aside from the fact that I’m rich, powerful and devastatingly handsome?” He fluttered his eyelashes as he said it.

Sam kept his face neutral. “Well, obviously aside from that.” Then he snorted and said, “I’m serious. You know a lot of things about me. I don’t even know what you do for a living, really.”

“Pay a lot of attention to your client files, I gather?” Gabriel asked sarcastically.

That flustered Sam. “I was a little distracted by the client himself,” he said before downing a large portion of his beer.

The waiter came then with their food and Sam was saved any further embarrassment for a few minutes. They ate in silence for a while, but finally Gabriel took a large drink of his wine and cleared his throat.

“I’m a self-made man. Started with nothing, built an empire. I started with specialty candies and worked my way into other luxury items. Basically, if it’s for pleasure, we probably make or sell it.”

Sam finished his bite of veggie lasagna. “That’s impressive. Dean sort of did the same thing. I mean, not with the same degree of success, obviously, but still.”

Gabriel nodded. “I know. It was another reason why I chose your agency.”

“It does seem a little weird to be out to dinner with you when my company works for you.” Sam avoided eye contact as he continued, “Especially given that my current assignment is to investigate your ex-wife.”

Gabriel had his wine glass in his hand, lifted to drink, but he set it down. “Sam, is that your not so subtle way of trying to find out if I still have a thing for my ex?”

Sam’s eyes shot up at that in surprise. “No, Gabe. If I wanted to know, I’d ask.”

Gabriel nodded, then seemed to come to a decision about something. His shoulders, which Sam hadn’t even noticed the tension in, suddenly relaxed. “Okay, fair enough. The split was not amicable between me and Kali. It didn’t end well and I am not carrying a torch for her in any way. My next relationship after that…” He stopped and took a bite of his salad. “Let’s just say they didn’t believe I was over it and leave it at that. Again, not an amicable split.”

“Wow, you sound like a keeper,” Sam teased. “I can’t wait for our dramatic breakup.”

Gabe laughed and drank his wine, saying nothing. The rest of the evening went well, with Gabriel slowly opening up more as it wore on. They took turns making each other laugh and Sam couldn’t remember having this much fun in a while. The last time he’d seen Gabriel notwithstanding. So he was surprised when Gabriel looked troubled when they got back to the car.

He let Sam in first, then walked around to the drivers side and got in. He immediately turned toward Sam, a serious look on his normally smirking face. Sam was pretty sure he was about to get an “it’s not you, it’s me” speech or something similar. He steeled himself and waited for the other man to speak.

“Sam-o, listen, um…” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, turning to face front again. “Shit.”

“Look, Gabriel. I had a great time, but if you don’t want to go out again, it’s fine, okay? No hard feelings.”

Gabriel swung toward him, eyes wide. “What? No, Sam, you’ve got it all wrong.” He laughed and shook his head. “Actually, what I wanted to say was that...my original intention had been to take you back to my place again, but…” He gulped, visibly. “I really enjoyed talking to you tonight and I want this to be more than just a physical thing.” His words came out in a rush and then he fell silent, waiting for Sam’s reaction.

Sam smiled and reached out to grab Gabe’s chin to make him look over. “Hey, I’m totally fine with that. I mean, don’t get me wrong, last night was...fucking awesome, man.” Sam laughed. “But I was kind of out of my depth. I have no problem slowing things down and actually trying to date.” His smile faded to barely there. “I like you, too, you know.”

“Yeah?” Gabriel looked vulnerable for a minute before the smirk came back. “Of course you do. Rich, powerful and devastatingly handsome, remember?” He started the car. “And hey,” he told Sam as he backed out, “If you still want to see Jody and...you know, have a two-way,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I’m okay with that.” When they were heading out of the lot, Gabriel pointed at Sam sternly. “Just don’t lie about it. Most things are cool with me if you’re upfront about it, okay?”

Sam considered that for a moment. “Well, this afternoon, she and I agreed to get together some other time, just the two of us. So I probably will see her again. I don’t know if I’ll sleep with her again, but it’s definitely a possibility.”

Gabriel smiled slightly. “Thanks for letting me know, Sam-o.”

They didn’t talk much on the ride home. When they arrived at Sam’s, Gabriel said he would walk him in. When they got to the steps, Gabriel jumped ahead and onto the first stair, though. He stopped Sam before he could step up and used the height advantage to pull Sam into a kiss.

It was a relatively tame kiss, but Sam could swear he felt a current of something just under the surface of it, barely contained. He wanted to chase it, but Gabriel had asked him to go slow, so he held back. When Gabe pulled away, Sam did pull him back for a second kiss, though, not yet ready to let go of that faint something just yet.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Gabriel whispered when they broke apart again.

He walked back down the stairs and waited until Sam was inside before starting his car. Sam watched him through the window until he turned at the end of the street and disappeared into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * ~~the extra chapter is actually a bribe to keep you from killing me~~. Please remember that I love you. ♥


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean struggles to cope with his loss; Jody makes her absence up to Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will do my best to get another chapter up before another week goes by. Busy with worky-writing stuff, but I will try.
> 
> On a totally unrelated note: A certain fic writer once said, "I promise, I don't do sad endings." Or maybe it was "I only do happy endings." Regardless, it is a good promise to live by - and I try not to make promises I can't keep.

After he got Jody and Charlie back in the same space and speaking, the rest of the day went reasonably well. He held it together the whole day in the office and didn’t let himself think about Jimmy at all, really. Once he got home, though, all the feelings he’d been holding back tumbled out, bubbling up to attack him. He walked into the living room, set his briefcase down and fell right the fuck apart.

He’d cried some in his office this morning, but nothing like this. He collapsed on the floor, whole body shaking. Sobs ripped through him and hurt his throat with their intensity. Jimmy was gone. The boy he had loved so dearly, that had haunted Dean’s dreams for over a decade, was dead and gone. Had _been_ dead and gone for almost all the time that Dean had been without him.

He’d never been able to grieve properly because he’d been plagued by all those unanswered questions. He’d never resolved it in his mind because he could never quite come to terms with how the sweet, loving guy he’d fallen for - who’d promised he’d call and that they’d visit - had just abandoned him so callously without a word. So it just kept coming back to gnaw at him, whenever he wasn’t distracted by endless one night stands or the most recent soon-to-be-failed relationship he was attempting.

Now he knew that Jimmy hadn’t abandoned him. Not really. Sure, Jimmy could and should have called Dean when his dad died, but Dean wasn’t angry about that. He was disappointed, definitely and not least of which because it might have changed Jimmy’s fate. But he’d been an adult when his own father died and he hadn’t exactly made the best choices after it happened, either.

So, devoid now of any anger, Dean grieved. Jimmy had been his best friend, first love and his first lover. And he had died, alone, with no one to mourn him. Dean didn’t even know _how_ he’d died. He could find out, if he dug deep enough, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to. He didn’t think he could bear to hear it had been a suicide or a murder or even just a freak accident. Whatever the reason, Jimmy was gone and it was just so fucking _sad_.

Eventually, the tears dried up and the sobs subsided. Now that his questions had been answered, now that he knew _why_ Jimmy was gone, he no longer felt haunted. He was still sad, but instead of haunted he felt...strangely empty. Some part of him, he supposed, had hoped that looking up Jimmy would lead to seeing him again, even just once. Even that tiny hope was gone now and there was nothing to fill the hole it left.

For the first time in a long while, he dug the box out from under his bed. He found the old photos and pulled them out so he could look at them. He and Jimmy, looking over the seat back of the Impala when Sam had called their names. Jimmy laughing, one of the first times Dean had ever seen him do it, because Sam had tripped over his own giant feet and landed on his butt in the floor. Jimmy, looking squinty and annoyed because Dean had put the camera in his face first thing in the morning.

There were dozens of photos of one or both of them, sometimes with Sam or other people. For the first time since high school, Dean was able to look at them without anger or hurt or confusion. He just missed him now. He thought that would be okay, though. He thought that was something he could maybe just get over.

As he put back the pictures, he spotted the video they had made. It took him a while, but he finally found the camera to play it in and hooked it up to the TV in his bedroom. He watched Jimmy hanging out in his old room with his younger self, and smiled sadly until the tears threatened to come again. Then he switched off the video and got up to find something to eat.

For the first time in a long time, his dreams of Jimmy weren’t based in memories. Instead, he dreamed Jimmy’s ghost had come to visit him. Dean had asked ghost Jimmy why he’d stayed away and Jimmy had answered, “I didn’t want you to know I was dead. It hurts me when you cry, Dean.”

Dean had woken up with that, as his conscious mind grabbed onto the forgotten memory. Though he’d held on to his memories of Jimmy all this time, some things had been left behind. That sentiment, expressed by Jimmy once when Dean had gotten so angry with John that he’d started to cry, had been one of those left-behind things until just now.

Once again, he was up too early, but he’d gone to bed too early this time and slept his full night’s sleep. He considered finding out where Jimmy was buried and paying the grave a visit, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He felt sad knowing no one ever had done that, but he figured Jimmy was long past caring, after all these years.

He got up and made himself a real breakfast and ate that while he scanned the news on his laptop. He had one more day of surveillance for that one client before it was time to start on his next case. Unless, of course, Garth had something new for him by now. They were always getting new short-term clients that Dean never even knew about until Garth put the To Do list in his inbox - and then reminded him it was there.

He felt lighter than he had since things with Lisa had gone sour, though the sadness lingered. He worked out before he showered and dressed, so he wasn’t very early getting to work that morning. Garth was already there, nursing a cup of coffee and smiling his usual smile.

“Hey, Garth.”

“Morning, Boss man!” He squinted at Dean. “You feeling better? You look a little better today. That’s great, Dean,” he told him with an even bigger smile.

Dean did his best to give him a convincing smile in return, even though he didn’t share the man’s enthusiasm. Garth was one of a kind. Weird, annoyingly chipper, and unfailingly optimistic - even when he shouldn’t be - but Dean never regretted hiring him. He hadn’t even been looking for a secretary. Garth had just come in, basically looking for work and applying for a job that didn’t exist with a guy who didn’t want to bring in new people. To this day, Dean still didn’t know how he’d found them, but he was glad Garth had.

Before he could get started on his work, though, Charlie was bursting through his open door. She flew past the sitting area and around his desk, where she barreled into him to give him a hug against his chair. She mumbled something into his shoulder, but he couldn’t understand her. He didn’t ask her to elaborate until she pulled away.

“Wanna try that again in English?”

“I said ‘Thank you’ for talking to her.”

Dean shrugged, unable to take credit. “She was already halfway convinced to talk to you, anyway.”

“Maybe, but you talked to her and you even _brought_ her to me and we went from not speaking to having dinner last night to she’s coming to lunch with me today.” She grinned at him. “She even cancelled her weird sex-date with your brother and that Lokinose guy to spend time with me!”

“Ugh, Charlie!” Dean complained, cringing. “Just coz I’m cool with it doesn’t mean I wanna talk about it, you know.”

“Prude,” she teased.

“Yes, not wanted to imagine my brother having sex with people makes me a prude. Guilty. Can we move on?” He glared at her.

“Fiiiine. I have work, anyway.”

He got back to work, but only a few minutes later, he was interrupted once more - and by the same redhead. This time, she looked upset, though.

“Dean? Garth just told me about your friend. I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me? There I was whining about my problems and you didn’t say a thing!” She bit her lip, caught somewhere between pouting, condolences, and guilt. “I’m really sorry. Do you wanna talk about it?” Charlie wasn’t any better at talking about emotional stuff than Dean was, so he appreciated that she made the effort.

Dean cleared his throat lightly, intending to decline, but he had a flash of Jimmy’s face and instead found himself replying, “His name was Jimmy Novak. He was my first, uh...my first.” He couldn’t bring himself to say “love” out loud, even though it was true and this was Charlie. “All this time, I thought he moved away and just kinda ditched me, but it turns out he was dead.”

“Oh, Dean, I’m so sorry. I can cancel lunch with - “

“No, Charlie, I’m okay, really. Actually, it’s kind of a relief not to have all those hurt questions anymore, you know? Now I’m just sad and it sucks, but it’s better than before, kind of.” He nodded, pretty sure what he said was true.

Charlie grabbed him in the second hug of the day. “All right. You’ll tell me if you need anything, right?”

“You bet,” Dean promised.

Before he could even think about getting back to work, Sam walked in. It was, he realized, going to be one of those mornings when he had to get a lot done in a small amount of time.

“What’s up, little brother?”

“Just wanted to see how you were doing. I’ve got a date tonight, but if you wanna hang out or something I can cancel.”

“Nah, man,” Dean waved him off. “I’m good, really. Sad, but not angry anymore, you know?”

Sam nodded. “Okay.” He hesitated in the doorway for a second, but then came inside further. “Um, just so you know, Gabriel actually liked you a lot. He was just yanking your chain to see how long you’d keep your cool. He was going to hire you regardless.”

Dean turned down his lips and raised his eyebrows in contemplation. “Fair enough. Glad we landed the account, whatever the reason. He treating you okay?”

“You asking as my boss or my brother?” Sam asked with a smirk.

“Both,” Dean answered seriously.

“Well, the answer to both of you is, yes he is. Very well, actually. Last night he told me he wants to take things slow. And he’s having an assistant deal with the business side so there’s no blurring.”

“That’s good, Sammy,” Dean told him with a smile and he meant it. He wanted Sam to have something good in his life. “So where does that leave things with you and Jody?”

“We’re going out tonight, actually, but other than that I don’t know. I like her, though.”

“Yeah. She’s Charlie’s mom, though, so tread lightly, all right?”

“I will, Dean.” He started to say something else, but then shook his head. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

“Get started on work more like,” Dean mumbled as he waved him out.

That afternoon, he had his final surveillance for the insurance client. He wondered now if he’d imagined the guy who looked like Jimmy. Just his mind playing tricks. Probably the guy hadn’t really looked like him at all. Dean didn’t even worry about it as he sat watching the building. When nothing was happening, he looked around the neighborhood. There was a pizza place he’d heard good things about and a burger joint he’d definitely have to try - because he tried them all. There was a bookstore that advertised rare books, so he wondered if he might try getting Sam’s birthday present there.

He turned back to watching the building for any signs of life. When he finally saw some, the guy was almost immediately on the move, looking like he was going somewhere in a hurry. Dean started up the car and prepared to follow. As he was driving away, he caught a flash of that trench coat he’d seen before. As he drove slowly past on the crowded street, he saw dark hair and a rugged jaw, but little else.

Dean focused on the job and forgot about the man in the trench coat. It wasn’t Jimmy, so it didn’t matter. Sure, he’d been interesting, but the job came first. Dean followed his target to the new location, where he managed to get a whole slew of incriminating pictures. He wasn’t authorized for anymore time. He tried to call the client, but didn’t get an answer, so he stayed an extra half an hour, but still left before the target did.

Dean drove home, congratulating himself on a job well done. Then he got inside, put away his gear and watched reruns until he fell asleep. He had barely allowed thoughts of Jimmy to enter his consciousness all day. His subconscious, however, had no such filters.

~~@~~

_They’re tumbling. Wresting on the floor like always, but this time, Dean get an erection that he prays Jimmy can’t feel when they land with Dean on his back and Jimmy pressed, victoriously, against his chest. He’s out of luck, though, he guesses because almost immediately after they come to a stop, Jimmy' eyes go wide and he lifts up to look down at where their bodies are touching together._

_Dean feels himself blush a deep red, but when Jimmy lifts his head again Dean is shocked. His best friend smiles at him. Grins, even. And then he rolls his hips and Dean has so little ability to think that it takes him several beats to realize that his blue-eyed friend has an erection of his own._

_Then, suddenly, they’re kissing. Dean had spent so many hours worrying over this, trying to figure out how to make it happen and in the end it was so simple._

~~@~~

Sam found himself sweating nervously as he stood outside Jody’s door. She’d called earlier and suggested he come to her house for dinner. “Supposed to be a nice night. I thought we could eat on the back patio and spend some time in the hot tub.” She’d given a throaty chuckle then. “Bathing suit optional.”

His nerves abated somewhat when she answered the door. Instead of being dressed to the nines like the last time, she was wearing a simple blouse and comfortable-looking jeans. Her hair had not been styled after it was washed and instead the shining strands softly framed her face. She smiled at him as she answered the door, barefoot.

“Hey, Handsome. Come on in. I had planned to make us dinner, but I didn’t get back in time. I got us take out, so I hope you like Chinese.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He offered her the bottle of wine he’d brought. He was briefly reminded of the flowers and chocolate Gabe had brought him, but he brushed the thought aside.

“Thanks. I’ve actually got a bottle breathing, if you’d like some?”

“Uh, sure, thanks. Nice place,” he told her, looking around. Her tastes were definitely more similar to his own than Gabriel’s were. He cleared his throat as he reflected that he should probably stop thinking about Gabe during his date with Jody.

“Did you and Gabriel have a nice time without me?” Jody asked with a smile.

_So much for not thinking about him_ , Sam thought. “Yes, actually.”

She nodded. “I bet the food was amazing. I love Umberto’s.”

“Oh, um, it was, but we didn’t end up going to Umberto’s.”

“No?” Jody asked as she led him to the kitchen and pulled down wine glasses.

“We went to a place called Jacques’ Bistro, instead.”

Jody’s eyes widened as she popped the cork. She pooched out her lips and nodded. “That’s a nice place. Romantic without being cheesy,” she added with a quick flash of eye contact before turning back to the wine.

Sam took the wine she offered. “Let’s talk about you, though. I heard yesterday was kind of...tumultuous.”

“You’ve heard, huh? Well, I guess you’re friends with Charlie, too.” She sipped her wine thoughtfully. “Want to take the food outside while we talk?” At Sam’s nod, she grabbed plates and chopsticks and let Sam grab the bags of food.

When they reached the table, Sam pulled out containers of rice and a couple of different entrees, as well as a bag of egg rolls and an order of steamed dumplings. They loaded their plates without speaking. When they sat, Jody gave him a smile, possibly to put him at ease.

“You can use chopsticks, right? I should have asked.”

“Yeah, no problem. Don’t ask my brother to, though. He can, he just refuses to,” he said with a rueful smile.

“What’s that like, having a sibling you’re close to? I have a sister, but we haven’t spoken in years.” She drank some wine as she stirred her food idly.

“It’s fantastic. He’s always been there for me, you know? Our childhood wasn’t easy, but I always had Dean, no matter what.”

Her smile was bigger now, and more genuine. “I think that’s great, Sam.”

He laughed and she raised her eyebrows. “That’s the first time you’ve actually used my name,” he explained, taking a bite of spicy chicken.

Half her mouth curved up in a sheepish smile. “Yeah, I do that sometimes, sorry.”

He just smiled. “Hey, I don’t mind being called handsome repeatedly.” He laughed again. “I don’t hear it a lot. Dean is usually the sex magnet, not me.”

“Oh, he’s definitely pretty,” she agreed with a grin. “But there’s something else about you that appeals to me, in addition to your completely unfair good looks.”

“You have any other family?” he asked, uncomfortable being the focus of the conversation.

Pain crossed her face for a moment. “No.” She shook her head. “That’s, um...I had some, but I don’t anymore and I would rather not talk about it.” She forced a smile, but Sam could see right through it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to - “

She waved his apology away. “Don’t worry about it, Sam. It’s fine. Let’s stick to happier things. How did you and your brother end up as private investigators?”

“Well, I’m honestly not sure how he decided that’s what he wanted. In my case, I dropped out of law school and he took me in and trained me and here I am.” He smiled. “Turns out I’m actually really good at it and I love doing it.”

“Why’d you drop out?”

“It wasn’t what I expected, I guess? It was all I’d dreamed about since I was a kid, but the reality didn’t measure up. I realized during the last half of my sophomore year that it wasn’t working out.” He took a long swallow of wine. “Dean told me to finish the semester and take the summer to decide what I wanted to do.”

He ate and swallowed a few bites before he went on, and Jody was doing the same. “He was the one who had been paying for everything the scholarships didn’t, but when I told him over the summer that I didn’t wanna go back, he just took it in stride. No arguing, no bargaining. He just told me to drop out and he gave me a job.”

“Wow, sounds like you really _are_ close. That’s nice, Sam. I’m glad I hired your firm. You all seem like good people.” She stared out at the night. “I was scared when Charlie told me why she’d come and found me, but she seems pretty great.”

“Yeah, she is. I’m glad you gave her a chance. It must be kind of awkward for you, though.”

“It is, but...you know, it’s not really a thing you ever stop thinking about. It’s always kicking around in the back of your head, especially when - “ She stopped abruptly and drank her wine. She shook her head slightly and went back to eating, refusing to say more.

Sam found safer topics after that, mainly swapping work stories with her. He loved her laugh. It was strong and husky. When she told one story, she laughed and then bit her lip as she looked to the side. Something about it was very sexy and Sam set his chopsticks aside. She must have seen it in his face when she looked back at him.

“Oh,” she said, standing up. “Is it that time already?” There was an undercurrent of intent in her voice and a smile on her face as she walked toward him. She took his face in her hands and kissed him. Then she turned around and started walking towards the hot tub, removing her clothes as she went.

Sam finished the last of his wine as he stood up, then walked over to join her, leaving his clothes in a neat pile next to where he climbed into the hot tub. Her gaze roamed over him appreciatively as he stood there, knee deep, in front of her.

“Should have been calling you ‘Sexy’ all this time instead of ‘Handsome’, huh?” She licked her lips and Sam watched as her hand dipped below the water, in between her legs.

She was staring at his body as his cock responded to her movements. He felt the bubble jets against one of his legs and it gave him an idea. He slid down onto his knees and reached for her, swinging her body around sideways as he pulled her face into a kiss. With his hand, he found the nearest jet and moved her thigh so that the current was aimed between her legs.

He knew he’d aligned her right from the pleased noise she made against his lips. One of her hands gripped his hip and the other reached down to take his cock in a firm grasp. He groaned at the unexpected relief. She twisted her body around toward him again, still not breaking the kiss. She took his hand where it had dropped from her thigh and slid it between her legs.

Even in the water, he could feel how wet she was. He rubbed his fingertips up and down the length of her a few times, from above her clit to below where she opened. Then he massaged the hard nub of her clit with his thumb and slowly parted her lips with brushes of his fingers until she opened enough for him to slide a couple of fingers inside.

They both gasped at the feeling. He had a sudden urge to taste, though. When she whined at the loss of his fingers, he told her what he wanted. She readily positioned herself against the wall, arms out to brace herself. He gripped her thighs and lifted them out of the water, bringing his face down to where they met.

He didn’t try to be gentle, but he wasn’t overly rough, either. He just flattened his tongue and licked the same path his fingers had taken, bottom to top. She gasped out a little sound and he sought to draw more noises from her. His lips fastened around her clit then, and he suckled at her, occasionally lapping with his tongue. The sounds she made were quickly making the pressure in his cock unbearable.

He shifted her slightly so that her legs were balanced on his shoulders, so that he could wrap a hand around himself. Then he slid the tip of his tongue inside her and swirled it around slowly, making her moan, low and throaty. After a minute of that, he slid his whole tongue inside for a while before moving back to her clit and licking it until she was panting. He took the hand off his cock and slid two fingers inside her, suckling at her clit again as he rocked them in and out.

She came with a scream muffled against the meat of her forearm. He continued to kiss and lick her gently through the aftershocks, then lowered her slowly down into the water, gathering her up for a kiss.

“Fuck me, Sam. Please,” she requested, breathing harshly.

He quickly located and rolled on a condom from the box she’d put near the hot tub. He moved back between her legs and pulled one up on his shoulder again. It suddenly hit him that she hadn’t been taking control this time. He didn’t spend too long thinking about it, though. Instead, he plunged his cock inside her and began rolling his hips.

“Ohhh, fuck yeah, feels good, Sam. _So good_ ,” she whispered, eyes closed.

He leaned down to kiss her again and she clutched at his shoulders as the warmth around his cock worked its magic. Then her arms slid around him and she gripped his back and his strokes grew quicker and more shallow. After a few more strokes, though, she stopped him. He pulled back, concerned, but she smiled.

“Just wanna change positions,” she assured him. “Better with you behind me.” She turned around and looked over her shoulder at him. “This okay, height-wise?”

Instead of answering, he lined up and slipped back inside, groaning slightly at the feeling. He thought she made a pleased noise as well, but he wasn’t certain. He grabbed her hips and used them for leverage. She definitely liked it when he gripped tighter and thrust harder. It pulled the best noises and swears from her.

After a few minutes, she was talking to him in earnest. He wasn’t even sure she was aware she was doing it. It seemed to be just slightly varying repetitions on the themes of “Fuck me hard” and “This feels good”. He thoroughly enjoyed it, especially when her voice got rougher and he could tell she was close.

This time when she came, she muffled the noises with her shoulder, so he was able to see her profile as her orgasm washed over her. It was clearly more intense than the previous one, and she sagged a little when it was over, but she didn’t stop thrusting back against him.

His thrusts were easier now that she’d come, since she’d gotten so wet. He went even faster, chasing the hot joy that was building in his belly and between his legs. As it began to reach a fever pitch, though, she crested again, this time apparently so surprised by it that she didn’t have time to muffle her cries. Instead, she just tried to keep quiet.

The noises she made, coupled with the clenching muscles on his cock were finally enough to get him to his own orgasm. He bent over her and came with erratic thrusts, continuing for a few seconds after the last shot burst out of him. Then he pulled out and flipped over so that he could sit down and drag her up next to him for a kiss.

As they lay there, coming down from their shared bliss, Sam looked up and realized he could see the stars. If this hadn’t only been a second date, it might have been a romantic moment. He felt inexplicably sad about that idea. He shrugged it off and kissed the top of her head.

“Nice night,” he told her softly.

“Mmm,” she murmured. Then she shifted and stood up. “Going to get more wine. You want some?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

As she walked away, his cell phone chimed from his jeans. Concerned that it might be Dean needing to talk, he shuffled up to the edge on his knees so he could grab his phone. It went off again before he could grab it. There were two messages, but they weren’t from Dean. They were from Gabriel.

**> Hope you’re having a terrible time ;P**

**> When is it my turn with you again?**

Sam grinned and felt a little glimmer of...something. In that moment, he wondered, if it had been Gabriel in the hot tub with him, whether it would have felt romantic, second date or not. Would he have pointed out the stars?

He really liked Jody, though. They were obviously sexually compatible, too. He decided it was something he needed to give serious consideration to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. I love you so much. ♥


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean enlists Bobby's help on a case, which changes a lot of unexpected things. Sam tells Gabe about his decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so many unbeta'd so please feel free to alert me to typos and forgotten words.
> 
> There is, sadly, no smut in this chapter, but I wrote some upcoming smut for it just this afternoon and I assure you...it is smutty. And the chapter after that will also be smutty. It's how I like to reward you for all the pain. I think that makes me your dom...

Dean was feeling low at work the next morning. It was bad enough remembering Jimmy and having those dreams before, but now that Dean knew he was gone…

”Man, this just sucks,” he told his empty office quietly but with feeling.

He planned to throw himself into work, but he wasn’t sure how successful he could be. He was actually grateful when Sam came in with a distraction.

“Hey, Dean, you got a minute?” It must be serious or Sam would just get right to it.

“Yeah, Sammy, what’s up?”

His brother sighed and dropped heavily into one of Dean’s client chairs. “I went out with Jody last night.” He ran a hand through his hair and it flopped back in exactly the same position. Dean thought it was a freak of nature, that hair.

“So, I take it that it didn’t go so well?” Dean scratched his beard and sat on the front corner of his desk.

“No, it _did_.” Sam blew out a breath. “That’s kind of the problem. It went well enough that we, uh, well, we slept together again, but…” He chewed a nail for a second, telling Dean his state of mind was quite agitated. “Afterward, I was - and don’t make fun, okay? I was looking up at the stars, thinking it was, I dunno, _romantic_ , right?” The corner of Dean’s mouth quirked up, but he held his tongue.

“None of this sounds bad so far, Sam,” Dean told him with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, but like, it didn’t _feel_ romantic, you know? And then, uh, Gabriel sent me a text and I couldn’t help thinking…” He sighed and slumped backward in the chair. “I just wondered if I’d have felt differently if it had been Gabe next to me instead of her.” He shoved a hand through his hair again, but left it there this time, tugging slightly.

“Do you think you would have?”

Sam slowly dropped his hand and nodded. “Yeah. I think maybe I would have. And before I left, she tossed me a fortune cookie from our take out and...all right, I know those things are stupid, right? But - “ He laughed and sat forward. “It said ‘The mind can’t explain what the heart wants’ or something like that. And I just knew when I read it.”

“Sounds like you know what you need to do then,” Dean told him.

“Maybe, but...I mean, I’ve never even liked a guy before. How can I not only like one now, but like him more than a really great woman that I have really great sex with? Am I crazy, Dean? It feels like I’m taking a huge risk or something.” He shook his head and looked at his feet.

“Sam, the fortune cookie might be a dumb tradition, but in this case, it had it right. The mind can’t necessarily make sense of what your heart tells you. But in my experience, when the heart talks, you ought to listen.”

Sam nodded, decisively this time. “You’re right. I’m gonna talk to her today.” He stood. “Thanks, Dean.”

Dean patted his brother on the back in a gesture of good luck. Then he went back to work. Looking over one of his case files, he decided he’d invite Bobby in on this one, assuming he wasn’t in the middle of something bigger. He knew Bobby was a damned good cop - his dad had bragged on him often enough - and he was grateful to have him as a resource.

Bobby Singer had been in ‘Nam with his dad and then they’d been cops together. Bobby had moved away from Dean’s hometown after his wife died. Then Dean’s father had died and Sam had gone to Stanford and Dean needed a change of his own. He’d asked Bobby how he felt about Dean moving nearby and his second father had told him not to be an idjit and to get his ass to town.

Dean had already been working as a P.I. at another firm for a while, but Bobby encouraged him to start up his own business. He offered Dean whatever help he needed - which in the beginning was quite a lot. Bobby had been an invaluable source of knowledge, advice, resources, and references. Dean didn’t know how he’d have done any of this without him.

Not that Bobby would ever let him say things like that.

He called the irascible detective and asked him if he could swing by to discuss it. He buzzed Garth and told him to send Bobby to the conference room when he showed up and to let Dean know. Then he had Garth move all the case files into the conference room.

Dean got involved in another case, making phone calls and reading intel reports, so he was surprised when Garth buzzed him. It had felt like only a few minutes, but it had been closer to two hours. He headed for the meeting room, but stopped when he saw Charlie outside it, clearly eavesdropping and peeking inside.

She shushed him and waved him over. He frowned at her, but followed her finger pointing with his eyes. “Look, dude! My mom is in there with Bobby.”

It was true. Jody Mills was talking to Bobby. Unlike the confident, take charge woman she’d been with Sam and Gabe, Jody was now shyly flirting and even - to Dean’s massive surprise - _giggling_ at Bobby’s responses like a schoolgirl. It was clear that Bobby was just as smitten, which was a thing Dean had not seen, ever. Dean fired off a text to Sam.

**Don’t think you have to worry too much about Jody.**

“Man,” Charlie whispered. “Sam, Gabriel _and_ Bobby? My mom’s got _game_ , son! Now we know where I get it from, huh?” Dean smiled, and it only widened when he saw Charlie was completely serious. She was looking at her mom with something akin to awe.

As they watched, Jody gave Bobby her number, then walked out the other door and headed for Sam’s office. Dean texted Sam again.

**Incoming. Let me know what she says, bro.**

“Hey, Bobby!” Dean said, walking into the conference room. “What’s new?”

Bobby, who had been staring at the number in his hand, jumped like he’d been caught at something. “What? Nothing. What’s this case?”

“Oh, no, Robert. I saw what just happened. Bobby’s got a new girlfriend.”

“Idjit,” the cop said with a scowl.

Dean grinned. “You old dog, you.” He wasn’t sure whether to bring up Sam or not. He wanted to know what Jody said to Sam first, if anything.

“You know, I do have things to do today, Dean. I don’t have time for foolishness.”

Dean just grinned wider. “Seemed to have time for _flirting_ ,” he teased. Then he relented and slapped a file down in front of Bobby. “This is why I asked you to come by. Well, part of it. I’ll show you the rest after you read through this.”

His phone buzzed. He checked it while Bobby read through his case notes.

**> She said she met someone and realized what she and I have isn’t what she’s looking for. How’d you know?**

**Coz I saw her with “someone” in the conference room...Surprise! It’s Bobby! :D**

Dean didn’t get a response, but since he could hear Sam’s laugh all the way from his office, he figured he probably didn’t need one. Looking at his life long friend, though, Dean thought he should rib Bobby a little bit - and take a chance to get Sam teased a little, too.

“Just so you know, Jody went out with Sam a couple times,” Dean told him, trying not to smirk.

“And that’s my business, how?” Bobby asked coolly.

“Well, she dumped him for you, so I thought you might wanna rub it in his face a little bit.”

Bobby narrowed his eyes. “Boy, I’m too old for your bullshit. Can we talk about your case or not?”

Dean held up his hands. “No bullshit, I swear. You can go ask him. Or hell, ask Charlie.”

Dean could actually see Bobby’s chest swell up with pride. “You being straight with me?” Dean nodded, grinning, but then Bobby deflated a little. “How’s Sam, though?”

Dean shook his head. “Don’t worry. They weren’t going to work out, anyway. He’s got someone else he likes better, too.” Dean wanted to tell Bobby about Gabriel, but that was Sam’s secret, so he instead he suggested, “You should ask Sam about that part, though.”

Charlie came in before they could get to the case. “Hey, Bobby! Did Dean tell you?”

“No, I figured that was for you and Jody to tell or not tell.”

“Jody’s my mom,” she blurted with no preamble. “I mean, my biological mom. I was adopted. I found her. Jody, I mean.”

Bobby took the news - and Charlie’s uncharacteristic stammering - in stride. “She okay with being found?”

Charlie looked sheepish. “I think she is now.”

“Gimme a hug, red. You’re as big an idjit as those boys, you know that?” He asked her when she complied.

“You mean it?” Charlie asked happily, eyes wide with a grin.

“Git out of here, girl,” he told her gruffly as he gently pushed her away. “Me and Dean got business to talk about, so unless you’re on the case, you need to move along.”

She pouted, but moved toward the door. “ _Fine_ , I’ll go. Lemme know if you need me, Dean.”

Dean turned to Bobby to start talking about the case, he really did. What came out instead was, “Jimmy Novak’s dead.”

Bobby heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry, son. When did that happen?”

“Apparently not long after he left Lawrence. His dad died first. No idea what happened.”

Bobby scratched at his beard. “You want me to dig around, find out?”

Dean shook his head. “No. Honestly, I don’t wanna know. I wanna try to put it behind me now. Wasn’t even planning to tell you, it just...slipped out, I guess.”

Bobby’s eyes narrowed. “Just as well it did, Dean. One of the best friends you ever had kicks it and you weren’t gonna _tell_ me? Even for you, Dean, that is some grade A bullshit.” Dean was hurt by the disgusted look on Bobby’s face.

“Sorry, Bobby. Not because you’re not family, you know you are. I just wanted to get over it without talking about it anymore.”

Bobby’s face softened marginally. “That ever work for you before, boy?”

Dean wasn’t prepared for the laugh that busted out. “No, sir.”

Bobby nodded. “Okay then. We gonna talk about this case anytime today, you think?”

So, for the next hour, they did. Afterward, Dean took Bobby to lunch and then Bobby had to get back to his real job. He insisted Dean come to dinner over the weekend and Dean didn’t fight too hard against it. Dean hadn’t seen the guy much lately and he wanted to catch up. Today hadn’t really given them much of a chance for that.

The rest of the day went by in kind of a blur. Dean knew he worked through it, but when he left for the day, he wasn’t really sure how he had spent his time. When he walked over to tell Garth goodbye, the secretary pulled him into a surprise hug. The first time he’d done it, Dean had been shocked speechless, but he, along with Sam and Charlie, had all quickly grown used to it.

“You looked like you could use that. Been a rough week for you, huh, boss?”

“Yeah, Garth. Thanks, buddy.” He gave him what he hoped was a convincing smile before starting to head out.

“No problem. You got plans tonight?” Garth asked, coming around the desk. “I got puppeteering class, myself.”

“That’s, uh, great, man. Have fun with that. I’m probably just going to watch a movie or something.”

“Wrong!” shouted a voice behind him. “Tonight you’re mine, Winchester! I declare game night.”

“Charlie, normal people _ask_.”

“Since when are we normal people, Dean?” she scoffed. “Normal is _boring_ , right Garth?”

“You’re right there, Red. I’ll see y’all later!” he called as he took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator.

“Fine. Game night it is. You got a new one or something?”

“No!” she told him, offended. “I just wanna hang with my bestie and play mindless fun till he feels better.”

Dean smiled and held up his hands. “All right, all right, I wasn’t accusing you of anything. Game night sounds like just what I need, actually.” Even if what he _wanted_ was to wallow in his bed, watching mindless action movies and munching terrible food. “You can help me figure out what to get Sam for his birthday. I’m thinking old book, but maybe you can help me narrow it down.”

“Ooh, are we throwing a party this year?” The excitement was more than evident in her face.

“Yeah, maybe. Hadn’t really thought about it, but why not? It might be fun. You don’t think it would be awkward to have Jody and Bobby there, do you?”

“Nah. She’s a classy lady, my mom. She’ll be cool. And we know Sam is a gentleman. It’ll be fine.” She bounced up and down as they stepped out into the parking lot. “Does this mean you’ll let me plan it? Pretty please?” She batted her eyes at him and he laughed.

“All right, you can plan it. But I get final say on everything! No weirdness,” he told her sternly, finger pointing at her nose.

She grinned. “Deal! Follow me to my place?”

“Yep, see you in 10,” he told her, climbing into his too small car.

~~@~~

By the time he was ready to go home, Sam was exhausted. He’d had sort of an emotional morning and then a busy afternoon. He’d deliberately avoided calling Gabriel after speaking with Jody because he wanted some time to think. He’d rushed headlong into the physical thing, but Gabriel wanted to take that slow now and Sam kind of thought maybe he needed to back off and ease into all of it.

Sam had to admit, he’d been a little surprised by Dean’s text, but when Jody came to his office and told him she’d met someone else, it just felt easy. The fact that it was Bobby came as a shock when Dean told him later, but it made him feel even better about it. They had definitely parted as friends, anyway. She’d seemed afraid of hurting his feelings and he’d been able to tell her about Gabriel.

She’d been relieved and even said, “He seems to really like you, so that’s good, I think.”

They’d hugged before she left. Since she was Charlie’s mom, he was sure he’d see her around. If she was going to date Bobby, he might see her even more. He hoped Bobby was okay with knowing she’d dated him first. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Bobby knowing they’d slept together, but that was up to her to decide.

As soon as he told Garth goodnight and stepped onto the elevator, his phone rang.

“Hey, Gabe. I was just thinking about you,” he answered.

“Naturally. I know it’s late notice, but my evening cleared up and I wondered if you wanted to have dinner?” Sam hesitated, mulling it over and Gabriel continued, “Unless you’ve already got plans with Jody? If you do, I understand.”

Despite his nonchalant attitude, Sam could hear the disappointment in Gabriel’s voice at the idea. He rushed to reassure him.

“No, no plans with Jody. I’d just been wondering if I was rushing the non-physical side of things with you, is all.”

Gabriel laughed. “I don’t think seeing other people screams moving too fast, Sam-o.”

Sam smiled to himself. He thought he would wait and tell Gabe in person. “Right. Well, I don’t have any plans and I’d like to see you, so dinner sounds good.”

“Awesome! I’m parked downstairs.”

“You - “

“Relax, it was on my way, I wasn’t presuming anything.”

Sam laughed and sighed at the same time. “I’ll be there in about 30 seconds.” The elevator opened as he hung up and he walked through the small lobby to see Gabriel parked right outside. He shook his head and smiled as he jogged toward the car. He saw Gabriel lean over and pop open the door, just as he reached it.

“You even open my door, what a gentleman.”

“Don’t mock me, Sam, it’s been a hard day.” He was smirking, but Sam could see that Gabe looked tired.

On impulse, he leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Gabe’s face brightened immediately and the fatigue faded a little. “What was that for?” he asked Sam, smiling.

“Just felt like it.” Sam shrugged and Gabriel started the car. “Your text last night was a surprise, but it made me laugh.”

“Ha! I couldn’t resist. Saw Conan the Barbarian when I was flipping channels and thought of you, so I wanted to say hi, I guess.”

“ _Conan_ , really? Not sure I like that comparison,” Sam told him, but he was laughing.

“Yeah, well. Tan. Shiny. Muscle-bound. You know.” If Sam wasn’t mistaken, Gabriel was a little embarrassed. He was okay with that.

“So, um, you should know a couple of things about last night.”

He saw Gabriel tense slightly, as if afraid of what Sam was about to tell him. “Okay. And what are those things, exactly? If you’re calling it off with me, Sam, tell me now and we’ll skip dinner.”

“What? No, Gabe, I don’t want to end things with you! That’s not it at all.” He sighed as Gabe’s shoulders relaxed, wondering why Gabriel would jump so quickly to that conclusion - and worried at how upset the idea already made him. Of course, it seemed to upset Gabriel too, so maybe he wasn’t crazy to feel that way?

He shifted in his seat, so he was facing Gabriel. “Actually, I wanted to tell you that - okay, full disclosure, Jody and I slept together last night.”

Gabriel nodded at that, but his face didn’t change. He seemed unfazed by it. Sam wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. When Sam didn’t continue right away, Gabriel shot a glance his way. “Was there more?”

“Yeah, actually.” Sam sighed. “Afterward, during the ‘could have been romantic but wasn’t’ afterglow period, I realized...um, I might have thought it was romantic, if I’d been there with you.” Sam grinned. “And my fortune cookie told me to stop thinking so much and just go with what I was feeling.” He grew serious again. “So this morning, Jody and I agreed not to see each other anymore.”

Now Gabriel was smiling and all trace of his earlier stress - and the more recent unhappiness - was gone from his face. “Yeah? It’s just you and me, then?” He looked at Sam as they pulled to a light.

“Just you and me. If that’s okay with you?” Sam asked to confirm, even though he was pretty sure.

“Well, I mean, I’ll have to cancel my harem service, but…” he started to joke, but then grew serious. “It’s more than okay with me, Sam. I really like you.”

It was Sam’s turn to grin. “I really like you, too, Gabe. It makes no sense, but I don’t care. I just do and I’m going to enjoy this, crazy or not.”

“Glad to hear that, Sam.”

“Where are we going for dinner, anyway?”

“Oh, I thought we’d try something a little more upscale tonight,” Gabriel told him with a smirk. A few minutes later, he pulled into the drive-thru of the local Freddie’s Burgers and Custard.

Sam laughed. “Very nice. Are we going to eat in the car?”

“Nah, there’s a place near here to park and have a picnic, if you’re game?”

Sam thought it sounded like a great idea. “Sounds really good to me, actually. I have simple tastes.”

“Don’t worry. I can fix that,” Gabriel teased with a wink. “But not tonight.”

They ordered their meals and snuck a few fries as Gabriel drove them to the park nearby. It wouldn’t be dark for another hour at least, but they were able to find an empty table near the pond fairly easily. Sam hadn’t been to this park before, but he liked it. There was little in the way of playground equipment. It seemed to be geared more for adults who wanted to enjoy the beauty of nature than for kids.

“I’ve never been here before. Didn’t even realize there was a park so close to the office,” he told Gabriel as they divvied up the food.

“Really? I used to come here sometimes when I was a kid. We’d fly a kite in that field right over there,” Gabe told him, pointing off to the right of the pond. “Didn’t get to come a lot, but those were always good times.”

 “Yeah, my dad didn’t take us to the park much, either, but it was usually fun when he did.” Sam chewed his burger thoughtfully. “More because of Dean than Dad, really.”

“Was it just the three of you, then?”

Sam nodded as he swallowed and took a drink of his cola. “Yep. Mom died when I was a baby, so it was me and Dean and Dad. Usually just me and Dean, though. Dad was always working.”

They ate for a minute before Gabriel asked, “What does he do, your dad?”

Sam gave a small, sad smile. “Well, he was a cop until he got killed. Line of duty, of course.” He finished off a few more fries. “That’s how Dean ended up as a PI, actually. Dean liked the investigative part of being a cop, but I convinced him not to follow in Dad’s footsteps.”

Gabe smiled at him. “I have to say I’m glad about that. Otherwise when you gave up law school, you’d have ended up somewhere else and we wouldn’t have met.” 

Sam smiled back without saying anything. Instead, he finished his burger and washed it down with his drink. When he was ready to start on the rest of his fries, he asked, “What about you? Did you have a big family?”

He saw Gabriel’s face cloud over for a second and regretted the question. “Not exactly.” He waved a hand as if dispelled something bad from the air. “My childhood isn’t a great story.”

“You don’t have to tell me, Gabe. We can talk about something else.”

Gabriel sighed and crumpled up his burger wrapper, putting it back in the empty bag.  Then he ate a few fries and squared his shoulders.

“I asked a lot of questions about your family, so it’s only fair for you to ask about mine. To answer your question, I had a fairly big family when I was little. Then they sent me to live with a cousin for a while. Then with a lot of people again. After that...I ended up living kind of on my own.”

Sam, wanting to change the subject for Gabriel’s sake, told him, “My early life wasn’t idyllic, either, but Dean made it a lot better than it could have been. I’m lucky. His life has been a lot harder than mine.” He frowned and swirled a fry in ketchup, staring into the pattern it made like it was tea leaves and could tell him the future.

“How so?” Gabriel prompted, obviously relieved at the change of topic.

Sam didn’t want to get into all the stuff with John right now. Especially if Gabe wasn’t comfortable sharing his own secrets yet. Instead he decided to talk about Dean’s current grief. “Well, for one thing, he had this best friend, Jimmy, in high school. They were inseparable. They kind of fell for each other, which would have been great, except Jimmy ended up moving like right after they got together.”

“That sucks.”

Sam took a drink of his soda and nodded. “Yeah, it did, but the worst was that Jimmy was supposed to call when they got where they were going. Dean was going to visit, they were going to do the long distance thing, the whole nine, you know?”

Gabriel just nodded. Sam threw his fries into the bag with the other trash and finished his drink before speaking again.

“Jimmy never called. Dean waited a long time before he finally accepted that the call wasn’t coming. He was so sure he was going to hear from Jimmy that he just stayed in denial for weeks.” Sam shook his head, remembering what it had been like to watch Dean go through all that. “It messed him up. Bad. For a long time.”

“He was really into the guy, huh?”

“Like I said, man, best friends. Inseparable. And family is everything to Dean. Jimmy was family to him.” He let out a long, heavy breath. “He just found out the other day that Jimmy actually died a few weeks after leaving town.”

“Shit,” Gabe said, with feeling. “That _really_ sucks.”

“Yeah. He was hurt at first back then. Then angry. And under it all, confused as hell. It really stuck with him a long time. Now he finds out he’s been angry at a dead guy all this time.” Sam shook his head. Then he frowned and admitted, “You know, I say he was just Dean’s friend, but really, Jimmy was also my friend. I thought of him like another brother back then.” He shrugged one shoulder. “I was angry at a dead guy for a long time, too.”

“Your brother really means a lot you, doesn’t he?”

“Dean? He’s the most important person in my life. He’s my only blood family and, except for Bobby, the only person I really consider family at all.”

Gabriel sighed melodramatically. “I guess that means I gotta try to get along with him, huh?”

Sam made a derisive noise. “Please, you already admitted you liked him. It’s not going to be that hard.”

Gabriel snorted and grinned. “Yeah, but it’s so fun to rile him up.”

“Fair point,” Sam conceded. “Just don’t push him to where he actively dislikes you. And make sure he knows you really like me. He’ll let you get away with almost anything as long as he knows you’re gonna be good to me.”

“Dammit! Now I’m gonna feel bad riling him up!” He pooched out his lips. “I mean, I’m still gonna do it, don’t get me wrong.” Sam swatted him and he grinned.

“So, if you don’t wanna talk about your family and your childhood, what can you tell me about yourself, Gabe? I wanna get to know you.”

Gabriel looked thoughtful for a minute, then ducked his head and looked up at Sam through lash-veiled eyes. “Uh, I was…” He chuckled softly. “I was in a couple of adult films when I was younger.”

Sam was afraid his eyes were going to spring free from his head. He made an effort to rein them back in. He waited for Gabriel to elaborate, but he didn’t. “Um. Okay. So are you going to tell me the story or what?”

“I was waiting to see if you were going to freak out or whatever.”

Sam laughed, “Come on, I mean, yeah, it’s unusual, but freaking out seems a little extreme.”

Gabriel picked at a splinter on the table. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never told anyone before.”

Sam frowned. “Gabe, you were married before.”

“Yeah,” Gabriel agreed with a wry smile. “And now I’ve got a PI firm investigating her. Trust wasn’t exactly a part of our relationship.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, my little subs, say hello. ♥


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean goes to buy Sam a birthday present; Sam goes for a run. They both end up back home with uninvited guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is a few days late! Time just got away from me. Hope it's worth the wait.

It was finally the weekend and Dean was relieved not to have to go into work on Saturday morning. As much as he loved his job, he needed a couple of days off to decompress. He’d been knocked for a loop and he still wasn’t quite feeling like himself, though he thought he'd hidden it pretty well at dinner with Bobby the night before. It was hard being around people when he felt like this.

Of course, sitting around his empty house wasn’t exactly helpful with getting his mind off things, either. So he was spending his Saturday searching for Sam’s birthday present. Once he’d decided on how to use his time, he’d remembered the bookstore he’d seen on surveillance. It had looked promising as far as old books went and Dean knew that’s the type of store he needed for what he wanted to get for Sam.

He’d been at it for about half an hour so far. He could have asked for help - assuming he could find someone other than the overworked cashier - but it wasn’t really his style. He preferred to find things on his own. Dean was still scanning the rows of books for the title he needed when his eyes landed on the man standing next to him. His eyes were already moving on before they snapped back.

For a moment, his brain just refused to work at all. His mind simply would or could not compute the data that his eyes were sending it. But his eyes kept on sending the information until the brain had no choice. Once his mind caught up to his eyes, his heart started pounding in his chest.

He stared at the man next to him. The face was older, the jaw more rugged and the hair a lot darker, but he’d know that face anywhere. It was the same man Dean had seen on surveillance, too, he was sure of it. It was certainly the same trenchcoat. Dean was standing next to Jimmy Novak. Dean was in a bookstore, staring down a dead man.

He forced his mouth to form words, forced his hands and feet to move. He stepped forward. He raised his hand and tried to speak once, but nothing came out and he couldn’t make himself touch the man’s shoulder. He dropped his hands and head for a moment and took a deep breath before trying again.

Finally, when he was calmer, he asked, “Jimmy?” The man made no indication that he’d heard, so Dean touched his arm. “Jimmy Novak? It is you, right?”

The man turned with a vague smile, not meeting Dean’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said, turning back to the books. “You must have me confused with someone else.”

And yeah, it was more gravelly, and much deeper, but that was Jimmy' voice. The man started walking away, but Dean followed. “Jimmy, it’s me. It’s Dean Winchester.”

He saw the man’s whole body freeze in place for an instant. Then he turned, eyes wide as he made eye contact for the first time. For a second his face softened, but then a blank mask came down over it. He leaned close to Dean so that he could whisper.

“My name is Cas Milton. Please don’t refer to me as anything else. I - I’m afraid I must be going.” With that, he was rushing away, out of the bookstore.

Dean stood there, staring after him for a full minute. Jimmy was not dead. Jimmy had been standing no more than a foot in front of him. He’d recognized Dean, too. Dean knew there was no point chasing after him. He clearly didn’t want to be recognized. Something was going on and Dean would find out what, but not by running out of a bookstore, half-cocked.

Going against his normal instincts, he quickly located a clerk and asked for help finding Sam’s book. Just as well because the girl told him it would need to be special ordered. He set that up and left the shop, heading not for home, but for work, where he had access to search engines.

Once back at the office, Dean shut himself behind a locked door - even though no one else came in on a Saturday - and sat down with his computer. For the second time in less than a week, he put their search engines to use - apparently for the same person, though the name was different. Cas Milton, it seemed, had existed the same number of years as Jimmy would have had he not “died”, but there seemed to be an abundance of evidence of his existence, for several years prior to the year of Jimmy’s death certificate.

He got a current address and decided that, after lunch, he would go home, shower, and then confront this “Don’t refer to me as anything else” Cas Milton. It had to be Jimmy. He’d just been looking at pictures and videos of the guy. Dean hadn’t imagined that moment of recognition on the other man’s part, either. There was a story here and it likely wasn’t a good one, but Dean figured he was entitled to an explanation. Or maybe he wasn’t, but he really damn well wanted one.

What he did not expect was a tail on the way home from the diner across the street from the office. He noticed the car early in his drive, but didn’t think much of it until he noticed it again in his neighborhood. Whoever it was, they were either new to tailing or they were just very bad at it. Regardless, he opted to let them get into position and pretend he hadn’t noticed them till he could get into the house for his binoculars and possibly a weapon. The latter was only if they appeared to be a threat.

To his surprise, his binoculars revealed none other than Milton as the driver of the vehicle. Dean snuck out the back of his house and walked around behind the car. The guy was so focused on Dean’s house that he never bothered to check his mirrors. Dean walked right up to the blind spot.

“Need some help, Mr. Milton?” he asked casually. The man jumped six inches. Dean squatted down and rested his arms on the open window. “You coming inside with me or are we gonna discuss this out here?”

Milton did not look at him for a long moment. Then he took a breath so deep it seemed to take a full minute for him to inhale. The exhale was quicker, but loud and forceful. “Let’s go inside,” he replied quietly.

Dean stood up and walked toward the house without looking back. The guy might rabbit, but Dean didn’t think he would. He just kept walking till he reached his porch. Then he opened the front door and waited just outside it. Sure enough, Cas Milton was only a few yards behind him.

Inside, Dean asked, “Want something to drink?”

The man - and yeah, it was Jimmy, Dean would know those eyes anywhere - tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. Dean felt like a particularly abstract piece of art that the guy was trying to wrap his head around. When he spoke, there was soft surprise in his voice.

“You're not angry.”

Dean laughed, though there might have been a manic edge to it. “Dude, I just found out that a guy I thought was dead is not only alive, but living in my city. Feeling a lot of things right now, but anger ain’t one of ‘em.”

Jimmy/Cas looked confused and then very sad. “You thought - Oh. You never got my letter, did you?”

Dean perked up at that. “Letter? What letter?” Then Dean seized on what the other man had effectively said. “So you admit you _are_ Jimmy.”

“Not…” He looked pained. “I _was_ Jimmy. But now I’m Cas and it’s important that you don’t call me anything else.” He ran a hand through his thick hair, making it stand up in all directions. “I’ll explain it to you, but you cannot tell anyone else - not even Sam.”

That last sentence, more than anything, convinced Dean this was really Jimmy in front of him. “I can do that. What letter?”

The man calling himself “Cas” sighed again. “Wait, I’ll get to that, but...just let me start at the beginning.” He ran a hand through his hair in a familiar gesture that made Dean’s chest ache. “If you thought I was dead, I expect you must have seen that my father died before me. His death was real.”

Cas paced as he talked and Dean did his best to keep quiet, afraid to spook him and make him run away without telling the rest of the story. Cas explained how he had seen his father get killed by a hitman, only one day after arriving in their new house.

“I hid under the couch. Something had rolled under there right before the man showed up. I was down there trying to grab it when I heard him bust in and start shouting at my father about leaving before a job was done.” Jimmy had slid completely under the couch during the argument because he wanted to know what they were talking about.

Then he heard a noise he didn’t recognize. When his father dropped to the floor, dead, he realized it had been gunshots. As he lay there on the ground, terrified, he’d overheard part of a conversation between the hitman and a partner he had with him. They were talking about _him_ , about how the man had had a son and their orders were to kill him if he was in the house.

“They searched the house, but they never found me. I was too afraid to come out from under the couch, even after they left. I don’t know how long I laid there, but eventually the grief and fear was all too much for me and I sort of, passed out.” He chuckled a little, though Dean could see he wasn’t very amused. “When the FBI came to investigate, they found me because someone heard me snoring.”

Dean raised a hand to comfort, but dropped it again before Cas could see. Though his face was infinitely familiar after a decade of dreams, he was a stranger. Dean needed to remember that. His head was a jumble of confusing emotions right now. What Dean needed was to keep quiet and let the guy finish talking, so he could get him out of his house so he could think. What Dean wanted was to keep him here, talking about everything that had come before his father’s death.

“They took me to a safe house, as soon as they realized I was a witness. I wrote…” For the first time, Cas faltered while telling the story. “I wrote you a letter. I couldn’t tell you what was happening, obviously, but I told you that my father died and that I wouldn’t be able to contact you again and…” There Cas stopped and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. I wrote you a goodbye letter, anyway. I’m sorry you didn’t get it.”

Dean hadn’t planned on interrupting, but this seemed too important. “They let you out to mail a letter?”

“No. But one of my handlers, a young woman, she seemed sympathetic toward me. I told her...what you were to me,” he said softly, with a quick glance at Dean. “She got me pen and paper and let me write to you. She promised to make sure you got it, but I suppose now that she was just humoring me.”

Dean shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe she sent it and it got lost in the mail. I’m guessing you're not still in contact with her, so we’ll never know.” Dean wanted so badly to know what else the letter said, but he didn’t ask. If Jimmy had been cruel to be kind, Dean didn’t want to know. “So, now you’re Cas Milton.” The man nodded. “You mind telling me why you followed me here?”

Cas gestured at the couch. “May I sit?”

“Yeah, sorry. Please do.” Dean sat in the chair across from the couch to keep himself at a distance.

“After I saw you I went and looked you up. Saw that you were a PI and I knew that might mean trouble for me, if you started poking into things. I drove over to check out your office and I happened to see you leaving the diner.” He shrugged, as if unable to explain his actions.

“So you followed me here. To do what, exactly? Warn me off? Coz I’m guessing you weren’t supposed to tell me what you’ve told me.”

Cas steepled his fingers, resting his elbows on his knees. “To be honest, I don’t know what I was planning. I needed - need - you to stop looking into my life, but I really hadn’t planned out how to go about explaining that to you.” He gave a small smile. “And no, I was not supposed to tell you any of this.”

“Why did you?”

“When you said you thought I was dead...I don’t know. I felt like you deserved to know the truth. How soon after I left did you find out I had supposedly died?”

“Three days ago, actually. Up until then, I just thought you were a lying dick,” Dean told him with a tiny laugh.

Cas’ shoulders sagged. “Dammit,” he breathed. “How did you even find out, then?”

“I looked you up,” Dean told him, lifting and lowering one shoulder. “Got tired of wondering what happened. Thought I’d look you up and ask.” He smiled sadly. “I was heartbroken and relieved all at the same time.” He sniffed and sat up straighter. “Guess this explains why you didn’t call me after your dad died, too.”

“I really wish you’d gotten my letter.” His voice was barely a sound and he was staring at the floor.

Dean told him, “Yeah, well, me, too. But them’s the breaks. I wish your dad hadn’t been killed and I wish he’d never moved you away in the first place.” He scratched the back of his head. “I wish I wasn’t positive that when you walk out that door you’re gonna tell me I can never see you again. For what it’s worth, I’m really glad you’re not dead.” He stood up abruptly, trying to stem the tide of emotions warring through him. “Sure you don’t want anything to drink? I’m gonna grab a beer.”

“A beer...sounds good, Dean. Thank you.”

Dean forced a smile on. “Well, hey, at least I get to have a beer with my old friend, huh?” Then he spun on his heel and went into the kitchen, hoping he might be able to outrun his emotions before they overcame him. He snagged two beers from the fridge and the bottle opener off the door.

When Dean handed him his, Cas laughed. “I’m glad you drink good beer. Remember that terrible stuff we stole from your dad that time?”

Dean’s eyes went wide with the memory. “Oh, yeah! Man, we barely finished one can between us.”

“Sam wouldn’t even taste it because of the smell,” Cas said, chuckling. Cas sobered as he took a long swallow. “How is he now? Sam. Did he make it to law school?”

Dean took his own long drink. “Oh, yeah, he made it. Freakin’ hated it, too.” Dean laughed. “He’s working with me now. He’s a PI, too.”

“And your father?”

“Died on the job,” Dean said without emotion before drinking half the rest of his beer at a go.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Sorry about yours, too.” He stared at the label on his beer, worrying it with his thumbnail. “I dreamed about you,” he mumbled before he could think better of it and stop himself.

“What?” The man who used to be Jimmy asked, clearly surprised.

Dean sighed and half his mouth quirked up. “I dreamed about you. All the time at first, but then just every little bit for a few years. Then just whenever I’d break up with someone or whenever life got too quiet.” He glanced at Cas and quickly away. “Always the same dreams. Well, they were memories, really. Guess I never really got over it.”

He stood up and walked over to stand against the wall, trying to distance himself from those blue eyes that hadn’t faded a bit. “I spent a lot of years thinking about what I would say if I ever saw you again. Of course, I was angry then, but...can’t seem to remember any of it now. Just as well, since it all seems a little silly. I mean,” he said, gesturing at the man on the couch. “You’re not the guy I knew. You’re Cas. An adult that I’ve never met before today, with a whole adult life I know nothing about.”

Cas stood up suddenly, finishing his beer in a rush. “I should go.” He walked up to Dean and stuck out his hand, but he dropped it before Dean could move to take it. He pulled Dean into an awkward hug instead. “I’m sorry that I hurt you, Dean.” His whisper was gruff enough that Dean could tell there was sincere emotion behind it.

“It’s okay, J-Cas,” Dean told him as they broke apart. “Just glad you’re all right. You, uh, you take care, I guess.” 

“You, too.” Cas stopped at the door. “And please don’t tell anyone anything that I’ve told you.”

“I won’t, Cas. Not even Sam, like you said. Your secrets are safe with me.”

With one last smile, Cas was gone. Dean took the few steps to the couch and dropped down on it. “Fuck!” he yelled, blinking back tears. He decided he’d better go buy more beer.

~~@~~

Sam usually went for long runs on Saturday mornings and this Saturday was no exception. What _was_ unusual was his phone ringing when he was still a mile from home. Everyone who knew him - which was pretty much Dean, Charlie, Garth and Bobby - knew his ritual and didn’t disturb him unless it was an emergency.

He pulled the phone out and checked the ID. He smiled when he saw it was Gabe. He kept his pace and answered.

“Hey, Sam. This a bad time? You sound out of breath.”

“I’m just running, Gabe, what’s up?” Sam checked his watch and noted he was making good time.

“Huh. Um, I was just wondering if you wanted to get together today. I thought maybe brunch and then a museum or something?” He sounded like he was chewing on his nail in between sentences.

“Yeah, okay, that sounds good. I should be home in about 10 minutes or so and then I need a shower. Are we meeting some place or should I pick you up or…?” Sam asked, increasing his pace slightly.

“I’ll come get you. Half an hour? Or do you need longer to get pretty for me?” Sam could hear the smirk and it made him laugh.

“I’ll try to be pretty in half an hour, but no guarantees,” he teased. “See you then.”

They hung up and Sam pushed himself until it was time to slow for his cool down. He was sweating profusely by the time he made it back to the house - where he found Gabe already waiting for him. Of course.

When they made eye contact, Gabe shrugged with a grin and Sam smiled and shook his head. He jogged over to the car, but stopped a couple of feet away. “You wanna wait inside or out here?” he asked.

“Since you’re gonna be all wet and naked in there, I should probably stay out here, but I’m a glutton for punishment. I’ll come in,” he said with a wink.

Sam rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling. “All right, come on then.” He led Gabriel up and into the house, gesturing toward the couch. “Have a seat. You thirsty or anything?”

“I’m good, Sam, thanks. Take your time.”

So Sam went to his room and stripped down, grabbing fresh clothes and laying them out on the bed before he went into the bathroom. He started the water in the shower to get it warmed up and then he stopped to shave. Face smooth again, he hopped in and soaped up, then tackled his massive tangle of hair.

He had put on his pants and was just pulling his shirt on over his head when Gabriel knocked on the door. “Sam, sorry, but is there another bathroom?”

Sam pulled open the door, not liking how Gabe sounded. Now that he could see him, he was twice as worried. “Through there. You okay?”

“No, I don’t -” Gabriel said before he hurriedly ran to the bathroom and shut the door. Sam almost immediately heard the telltale noises of Gabe getting spectacularly sick.

Sam went to the kitchen for Gatorade and one of the fresh toothbrushes he kept in the catch-all drawer there. When he got back to the bathroom, he heard Gabe rinsing his mouth and then he opened the door, looking exhausted, but much less green.

“Well, that’s a sexy way to start a date,” Gabriel said as he came out of the bathroom. “Thanks,” he said, accepting the Gatorade and toothbrush. He opened the bottle and drank thirstily, then went back to the bathroom and brushed his teeth thoroughly. “That was...unpleasant. I normally have an iron stomach, man. I can’t remember the last time I got sick like that.”

“You wanna lie down? I can go get us something and we can have brunch here?” Sam offered. He checked Gabe’s forehead for a fever, earning him an annoyed, pursed-lip frown, but his temperature was fine, though he was clammy.

Gabriel started to say he was fine, but when he took a step toward the door, he got quite obviously dizzy, so Sam led him over to the bed. Gabe didn’t even protest as he pulled back the covers and helped him get inside, which told him how sick the guy really was. Just in case, Sam got a couple of plastic grocery bags and lined the trashcan with them, setting it right next to the bed, along with a box of tissues and the Gatorade.

“In case you get sick again and can’t get up fast enough,” he explained. “You rest here. I’m gonna go get some food and I’ll be back in a bit. You’ve got your phone if you need me, right?” He couldn’t resist brushing Gabriel’s hair back from his forehead.

“Thanks, Sam,” Gabe murmured, already drifting off.

Sam brushed his hair back one more time, then gave into the impulse to kiss the guy on the forehead. Poor guy. He looked wiped. Sam made sure Gabe had everything he needed within reach and then he grabbed his keys and left.

He tried to think of foods that wouldn’t upset Gabe’s stomach, so he went with French fare, grabbing pastries and mild soft cheeses. He also got some fruit and some coffee that smelled like heaven. It took him a little over an hour and when he got back, Gabe was still sleeping.

Sam nudged him gently and asked, “Gabriel? You wanna wake up and eat something?”

“Mmmph, ‘k. Whaddja get?” was Gabe’s sleepily mumbled reply.

Sam opened the bag and showed him. “Bread and cheese. Fruit and coffee, too, if you’re up to it.”

“Coffee’s good. Need coffee. Cream and sugar?”

Sam laughed, “I got it with plenty of both, don’t worry. Here, let me fix you a croissant, too. Cheese or butter?”

Gabe was still pretty wiped out and weak, plus he was holding his coffee like a lifeline - partially, he said, because it was warm - so Sam fed them both. It wasn’t romantic or sexy, but it was messy and sort of fun, in a domestic kind of way. When Gabriel was finally starting to get his color back, Sam gave him some strawberries.

Gabe popped one into his mouth and looked at Sam, then away. When he finished the berry, he said, “Thanks for taking care of me, Sam. Nobody’s done that in a really long time. Not really used to it.” He smiled to lighten the moment.

“It’s not like I did a lot,” Sam protested. “Not like I held your hair or anything,” he teased.

“Says the guy who has been and is still stroking my hair,” Gabriel came back with a glance up toward Sam’s hand.

Sam looked chagrined and pulled his hand back.

“Hey! I didn’t ask you to stop,” Gabe complained petulantly.

Sam laughed and put his hand back. “I guess you’re feeling better now?”

“Yeah,” Gabe sighed. “I think so. This really has been nice, though,” he said seriously, picking at the blanket in front of him. “Not the way I expected the morning to go, but...I feel like I learned a lot about you and what kind of person you are.”

Sam felt warmed by the words, but he said nothing for a moment. When he did speak, he just asked if Gabriel was done eating and he took the leftovers to the kitchen. He wasn’t sure what to say. He wanted to know Gabe better, but the guy was so secretive. He felt like things were a little one sided so far. He didn’t want to push Gabriel to open up, but he didn’t want to give away all the parts of himself and get nothing in return, either.

When he got back, Gabriel was sitting up on the edge of the bed, obviously contemplating standing. “You still wanna try that museum?” he asked as he slid onto the floor and tested his apparently restored balance.

“Yeah, okay,” Sam agreed, smiling.

Gabe sighed. “I think -” he started, but then stopped and shook his head. “I’ll tell you at the museum,” he finally said.

Sam let it go with a nod and they headed out, taking his car this time. He used the excuse of Gabriel being sick, and that was partly true, but he also wanted to have a little of the control for once. They’d done everything on Gabe’s terms so far and he wanted to shift the balance some.

Once at the museum, Sam did let Gabriel lead him to what he said was his favorite room. Sam was expecting a special painting or something, but instead, it was a room full of sculptures. The ceiling had skylights that drew in the sun and lit the whole room brighter than most of the others they’d walked through.

“When I was a kid, we used to have to come here about once a week or so. On about half the trips, I’d hide in here,” Gabe told him, pointing out a little hidey hole behind a big black rectangular sculpture. He smiled, slightly proud. “They’d look for me for hours, but they never figured out where I was. Eventually, I’d just give up and sneak out on my own.”

“No cameras back then, I guess,” Sam mused, looking around. “That’s a lot of trips to the museum.”

Gabriel sighed. “When I was a kid, they sent me to live with relatives, like I told you. I wasn’t the only one, but we were all sent to different relatives.” He looked at the sculpture like he wanted to hide behind it again. “Sob story short, I ended up in a boys’ home. Basically an orphanage, but it had a built in school and we had field trips. Here, the park, other places.”

“Wow, that must have been tough,” Sam said, examining a nearby sculpture to keep himself from looking at Gabriel with anything like pity on his face. He knew Gabe didn’t want it. “Guess I know why you went into luxury items, huh?”

Gabriel laughed. “Nice catch. Yeah, I had few enough of them, growing up.” Sam could feel whiskey eyes boring into him, but he didn’t shift his gaze to meet them, he just continued to look at the art. Finally, Gabe said, “Had a tiny room that I shared with someone else, too. It’s why I don’t like small spaces, normally. You may have noticed that my house is -”

“A giant echoing cavern?” Sam finished with a laugh. “Yeah, it had come to my attention.” He glanced at Gabe with a smirk. “Seems like you’ve really done well for yourself. That takes a lot of...guts...determination...things like that. It’s impressive that you were able to achieve what you have.”

“Thanks. As I’m sure you gathered, there’s a lot more to the story, but I just wanted to give you the penny tour.” He straightened himself. “Thanks for not giving me the poor Gabe face, too. That isn’t why I told you.”

“Why did you tell me?” Sam countered.

“Because I don’t want to hide myself from you. Because I’d like there to be one person in the world who sees the real me, troubled past and all.” He stopped and stared at Sam with searching eyes. “Because I think...because I think the more I learn about you the more I want to know and if I’m going to ask for stories, I have to be willing to give them.”

Sam punched him lightly on the arm to break the tension. "Let's not get maudlin and cry all over the art." He appreciated Gabriel's effort at sharing, but he didn't want to have any kind of serious discussion like that in a public place. On top of which, he'd started panicking a little bit, despite his resolve to go wherever this led. He wasn’t sure why, so he wanted to step away from that kind of discussion right now, until he got his head straight. 

"Jackass," Gabe retorted, but he was smiling again.

"Come on," Sam said, tugging Gabriel's sleeve. "I wanna show you _my_ favorite thing here."

Gabriel pretended to pout. “You mean it’s not _me_?”

“Idiot,” Sam said with a smile. “Come on, “ he said again, shaking his head.

Sam led him to the painting he'd been drawn to since his first trip here.

"Could you like something a little _more_ trite?" Gabriel teased after a moment of looking at the scene before them. "I think they had a print of this in the last hotel I stayed in."

"Shut up," Sam said, punching his shoulder again.

"Sam, I like you, but if you're going to keep hitting me with your giant ham fist, we're gonna have to break up."

Sam rolled his eyes, but he was glad Gabriel had said it. Realizing he didn't like the idea of them breaking up settled something inside him, stopping his panic and letting him enjoy the moment.

After they’d spent long enough in the museum, they went for smoothies and walked around the park again. Sam decided to make sure he hadn’t cut Gabriel off earlier with his joke. He didn’t want him to think he couldn’t take things seriously, especially since he didn’t think Gabriel spent a lot of time being serious in the first place.

“Hey, I wasn’t making light of things earlier, just so you know. I appreciate you telling me all that stuff.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Honestly, I think I was feeling a little overwhelmed? I don’t know. My defenses were up and yours dropped and…I don’t know.”

Gabe put his hand on Sam’s arm, forcing them to stop their walk and look at each other. “Sam, it’s no big. This is new for you. I get that.” He blew out a heavy breath, hard enough to lift Sam’s hair a little from two feet away. “I just need you to know that _this,_ ” He gestured between them. “This is serious for me. If it isn’t for you, if it’s too much or whatever…just tell me so we can go our separate ways.”

“When you talked about us breaking up, I didn’t like it. I don’t know why I got weird. I think maybe we got off to a strange start with you showing up and getting sick and I was feeling like you were kind of in control of everything?” Sam shrugged, unable to articulate his earlier unease, now that it had mostly faded.

“Fair enough.” Gabe twisted his lips and scratched his chin. “The truth is, I’m used to getting my way. When I was younger…it’s probably hard for you to understand, but my height keeps people from taking me seriously. That coupled with my background means I had to recreate my public self into someone with an assumption of power. Like, I don’t ask you if I can have something, I just assume you will give it to me.” He gave a wry smile and shook his head. “It makes me sound like an asshole, I know, but I _had_ to act like that, to get where I am.”

Sam nodded. “No, I get it. People think because I’m tall, I’m this looming Neanderthal and sometimes they wanna fight me – figuratively – because they think that _I_ think I’m some tough guy. For you, it’s the opposite. They think you feel inferior because of your height, so they treat you like it, unless you make them think you think you’re superior instead.”

“Exactly!” Gabe said, eyes brightening. “I talked to an ex-girlfriend about this once and she said it’s why women in business come across as hardasses. Otherwise, she said, they get seen as a pair of breasts, full stop.”

“Oh, yeah, Charlie agrees, big time.”

“Yeah. So, anyway, I will make an effort to tone that down with you. I’m not doing it on purpose, okay?” Gabriel looked at Sam with soft, hopeful eyes.

“Okay, Gabe. Thanks,” Sam replied, smiling. Then he squeezed the hand that was still on his arm and tugged, so they were walking again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in the final editing stage for my book (it's coming out in April!), and the person who most recently edited was a sarcastic ~~unprofessional~~ jerk, so I could really use some comments from you lovely readers. ♥


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean decides he doesn't believe in coincidence and tries to do something about it.   
> Sam gets tired of taking it slow and tries to do something about that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I let time get away from me again. Last time I thought about updating it had only been 3-4 days, and now it's over a week. I'm just good like that. Sorry! To make up for it, half of this chapter is smut*.

Dean’s Saturday night had been miserable. On the one hand, he was thrilled that Jimmy - Cas, he had to call him Cas now - was still alive. On the other hand, he wasn’t even supposed to talk to him. He knew now that the only thing keeping them apart for the past 10 years was a set of unfortunate occurrences beyond their control. It was not a lack of desire to be together on either of their parts.

By mid-morning of Sunday, Dean was more than a little irritated by that fact. He was not hung-over, but he hadn’t slept well, even with the alcohol he’d consumed. On top of which, he had realized that, despite the negative circumstances that had driven them apart, somehow they had found their way back into each other’s lives.

And Jim- _Cas_ wanted to throw that away? He wanted to just ignore the fact that out of all the towns in the country, they’d ended up in the same one? Dean didn’t normally believe in fate, but he sure as hell didn’t believe in coincidence, either. He for one did not want to squander the chance at a second chance. At least to be friends, if nothing else. Not that friends was what Dean wanted to be, if the guy was even remotely the same person he used to be.

By lunchtime, after he’d finished his tasteless meal, he knew he couldn’t sit here, not trying. Maybe Jimmy - no, Cas - could ignore their proximity, but he couldn’t. Not without at least trying to have something more. He had to try to get...Cas to see reason. He found the address he’d acquired the day before and got into his car.

When Dean arrived at Cas's house, he sat in his car for several minutes. He'd been convinced he was right to try, all the way over here. Now that he was actually sitting on Cas Milton's street, however, he suddenly had his doubts.  
  
"Fuck it," Dean said bravely.  
  
He opened his door and got out, taking a quick deep breath and letting it out. He strode up the walkway like he belonged there and stepped right up to the front door. Then he froze again and stood there staring at the knocker for a full minute without touching it.  
  
He nearly fell backward off the porch when the door opened suddenly to reveal a very grumpy-looking pair of blue eyes. "Are you going to knock anytime soon or should I just stand at the door until Christmas?"  
  
"I, uh..." Dean stammered helpfully. "I don't believe in coincidence," he said at last. Call-Me-Cas didn't seem any less irritated by the statement. "I mean, what are the odds we would end up in the same city? Let alone that my job would send me to your part of town at the right time of day to see you? Or that I would find that bookstore and be there at the same time as you?"  
  
"Dean," Cas - for he was Cas and not Jimmy, it was easy to see that up close like this - said with a heavy sigh. "I know what you're getting at, but this is my life we're talking about. I can't take unnecessary risks just because I'm…nostalgic."

The word was said with what sounded like contempt, and Dean was stung by the implication that what they had had meant so little. Then the rational part of Dean's brain kicked in and told him Cas was right. Despite how it had haunted him all this time, it was really only a high school friendship and a single night of sex. Dean was the idiot for hanging on.  
  
"Yeah," Dean said, nodding and turning to go. "You're right. Sorry. I-sorry. I shouldn't have come. This was stupid. It was a long time ago."  
  
"Dean-" But Dean ignored him, not even looking up.  
  
"See ya, uh, Cas. Or, you know, not, but...well, bye, anyway," he said, hurrying off the porch.

He was back in his car in far less time than he’d taken to leave it. His hands were shaking and he felt sick. It was like every fear he’d had about looking up Jimmy in the past had just been realized. He really needed to let all this go. He’d been haunted for long enough, wondering why he hadn’t heard from Jimmy again. Then he’d grieved because he thought Jimmy was dead, only to have him back and in his living room a few days later. He’d gone through so much, and for what? To be told what they had was nothing.

Dean started the car and drove. He didn’t go home. He drove around aimlessly, until he left the city and got into the country. He had absolutely no idea where he was or how to get back, but that’s why he had GPS on his phone, right? He let himself get lost, following the need to drive, to let go. He’d driven around a lot in the days when Jimmy first left.

When he found a field in the middle of nowhere, with a dirt road that petered out in the middle of it, Dean turned in. Only then did he allow himself to lose control. The tears came easily, as he thought about how stupid he’d been. He’d held onto this _thing_ with Jimmy for all these years. It was just a high school romance. He’d known that, been telling himself that, for years, but he’d still never been able to let go of it.

It wasn’t as though he’d pursued it. He’d done everything he could think of to forget it, actually. But it had lingered. It had held onto _him_. And right now, he felt like everyone had something, some _one_ , except him. Sammy had Lokinose. Charlie had found her mom. Garth had a new girlfriend. Hell, even Bobby had someone now. And then there was him. All alone and still pining for somebody he should have been over a long time ago.

If he could’ve loved Lisa like this instead, maybe his life would be drastically different right now. When he’d cried it out, he got back in the car and drove home. On the way, he resolved to put it behind him for good, even if it took hypnotism – or, worse, _therapy_ – to make that happen.

That plan was working relatively well, until he got the call from the bookstore a few days later. Sam’s book had come in and he could come pick it up anytime. The client had gotten what they needed, so he had hoped he could avoid that area of town for a long time. He’d forgotten about the book, unfortunately.

The first time he had a free day to go over there was the weekend. He tried not to think about the previous Saturday and how that had turned out. Instead, he kept his head down and made a beeline for the counter. As he waited for the cashier to retrieve his order, he didn’t look around. It went against his nature, but he didn’t want to see the place where he’d finally seen Jimmy again. He just wanted to get his book and get the hell out.

“Okay, sir, here you go. That’ll be $15.96,” the clerk said when she returned with his order.

He pulled $16 from his pocket and told her to put the pennies in the “Take one, leave one” bucket they had on the counter. He took his bag and trudged to the door, looking at the floor instead of in front of him. Naturally, when he walked out the door, he ran straight into someone.

“Shit, sorry!” he said at the exact same time a rusty-sounding voice said, “Excuse me!”

Dean’s head snapped up. The one person he’d been trying to avoid and Dean had managed to run _literally_ right into him. “You gotta be shitting me,” Dean grumbled.

“What are you doing here?” Cas asked.

Dean told himself the burn in his chest was acid reflux. “My book order from last week came in. Don’t worry, man. I’m leaving.” He tried to step around Cas and do just that, but a hand on his arm stopped him. “What?” he snapped.

Cas quickly removed his hand, taken aback by the harsh tone. “I’m sorry. Just…can we have coffee? I know what I said before,” he said hastily before Dean could call him out on his shit. “But…I’ve had some time to think since then.”

“Yeah, well, so have I. It was a mistake, coming to see you. I should’ve left well enough alone. I should have sent someone else to pick this up too, I guess.”

Dean once again started to walk away, but Cas stopped him this time with words. “I didn’t mean it,” he said.

Against his better judgment, Dean heard himself ask, “Didn’t mean what?”

“When I acted like what we had wasn’t important, I didn’t mean it.” His big blue eyes were unguarded and there was sadness in them. “Please. Coffee? A beer? Just a few minutes to talk and if you still hate me, then you can leave.”

Dean stared at him for a long moment, then nodded. “We’ll take my car.”

“You know, I don’t know why,” Cas admitted when they were in the car a few minutes later. “But I expected you to still be driving that old Impala.”

“Oh, I’ve still got her,” Dean said. “But she’s a little conspicuous. I don’t take her on cases. I only take her out on special occasions.”

“It’s still disturbing when you call your car “she”, Dean,” Cas said and for just a second, he was Jimmy again, teasing Dean the way they used to. Then reality slammed back in and Dean got angry to combat the hurt he felt.

“You gonna start talking anytime soon or do I have to wait until we’re at the place?” he asked, glancing over.

Cas sighed. “It’s just up here,” he said, pointing at a diner about a block and a half away. “But I’ll start now, if you want.”

Dean’s initial snap of anger had quickly burned up, so he just said, “I can wait.”

Once inside, Dean happily discovered it was the type of diner that served beer and he hastily ordered one. Cas did the same. As soon as the waitress was gone, Cas started talking without prompting.

“You shocked me when you showed up. I was trained to be wary of anyone showing up at my door. So when you showed up, I was already in that mindset, thinking of my life being at stake.”

He shook his head, apparently seeing the waitress coming back to their booth in the back. He smiled as she set down his beer, then took a hearty chug of it. Dean did the same, but said nothing, waiting for Cas to talk again.

“I didn’t want to send you away, Dean. But this life I lead…it’s dangerous. The rules I’m supposed to follow, they’re in place to keep me alive. And talking to the people from my old life is forbidden.” He took another sip of beer. “I know I was hurtful and I’m sorry. I thought if I made you think I didn’t care, you’d be less likely to persist.”

“Yeah, well, you were right about that.” Cas still hadn’t explained what he was doing here and Dean’s defenses were rising with every second.

Cas sighed and spun his bottle in his hands. “As soon as you were walking away, I regretted it. I wanted to run after you. I did try to call you back. I even considered driving back over to your house.” He looked at Dean then and those blue eyes pinned Dean in place with their intensity. “This life is also a lonely life. Forming friendships, relationships, it’s nearly impossible. I say nearly because I am sure people do it, but for me, it _is_ impossible. I have no friends. Not really. I’ve dated, but no one ever gets close.”

He drank a large swallow of his beer this time, as if fortifying himself. “What you and I had, Dean…you have to know how much it meant to me back then, in spite of what I said the other day. And it still means something to me. It was the only thing that got me through everything that happened after. My father’s death, testifying at the trial, becoming someone else…” He trailed off and finished his beer before speaking again, signaling the waitress for another.

“Ok, Cas. I believe you. But why are you here having a beer with me? You’re still in danger, right?” Dean couldn’t help asking.

“I am. But like I said, this has been a lonely life. A half life, really. What good is surviving, if I don’t really get to live? I thought about what you said, about fate putting us in the same town, in the same bookstore…and I wanted to go to your house and say all this.” He shook his head, dropping his eyes again. “But I was too scared. I convinced myself I’d done the right thing. Not that I stopped thinking about it. Or you,” he said, lifting his eyes.

Dean felt his anger evaporating in the face of Cas’s honesty. He wasn’t sure what to say, though. He still didn’t know what any of this meant. “But you didn’t come by or call me,” Dean reminded himself as much as Cas.

“No. I didn’t, but then I literally ran into you again. And I couldn’t ignore fate twice.”

“So what does this mean? What do you want? Are you saying we can be friends? I can’t tell Sam, you said, which means I can’t really tell anybody else, right?”

Instead of answering, Cas stared at him for a long moment, then sighed heavily. "You really are unreasonably attractive. The least you could do after 10 years is age badly like me, but no, you're still as gorgeous as ever."

"Uh, I don't know what kinda mirrors you been looking in, but you're twice as hot as you used to be - and you were pretty hot then. Kinda pissed at you about it, to be honest." Dean was surprised by how easily the words had come. He hadn’t meant to admit how hot he was for the guy.

Cas smiled and Dean saw Jimmy again for a moment. Then it was gone and Dean was back in the present. “My point is, I wouldn’t mind being more than friends. If you’re interested.”

Dean successfully drank his mouthful of beer without swallowing his tongue. Then he stared at Cas for a second while processing what he’d said. Then he chose his words carefully. “Well, Cas, I appreciate the offer, and believe me, it is tempting, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to rain check it.” He finished off his beer. “I could use a friend. Hell, I could even use a boyfriend, as far as that goes. But one thing I am not looking for is a fuck buddy.”

“Fair enough. Friends it is, then. And you were right earlier. You can’t tell anyone about me. I know that would be difficult, if you’re even a fraction as close to Sam as you used to be, but it’s a necessity. If you can’t promise me that, we have to part ways here.”

“No, I can keep it to myself. Sam and I are close, but my job means I know how to keep things from him and everyone else. We understand the need for secrecy from each other now.” Dean shrugged. “So, what happens now?”

“Well, whatever we want, I guess. If you want to know more about the past, it would be better to go to one of our houses than to talk about it in public. Aside from that, we do the things that friends do, I suppose.” Cas raised a shoulder.

Dean thought for a minute, lips pursed, then he nodded. “All right. How about we head back to my house and I make us dinner? Then we can talk about everything. Sound good?”

Cas nodded. “All right. I’ll pay for our beers while you bring the car around.”

~~@~~

Sam called just as they were walking in the door and Dean nervously told him he had plans. He could tell Sam didn't believe him, but at least he hadn't asked questions. Dean needed to have a story ready for next time, though. After the phone call, he and Cas stood around in the kitchen drinking beer and talking while Dean threw together some chicken Alfredo. He learned all about the trial while he cut and sautéed chicken. Cas talked about transitioning into his new identity while Dean prepared the noodles and cream sauce.

“That must have been rough, turning into someone else like that,” Dean said as he stirred parsley into the white mixture on the stove.

“The worst of it isn’t becoming a new person. It’s having to let go of the old one. Pretending that I…that _Jimmy_ was never a person at all.” Cas took a long drink of beer, clearly still upset after all these years. “I was told to forget all of it. To bury my memories under all the new information I was being given. To memorize the manufactured story until it became the real one in my head.”

“I take it that didn’t work so good,” Dean said with a faint smile as he turned the burner off under the sauce and began draining the noodles.

“No. I still remember all of it. Though you and Sam most clearly of all. Like I told you earlier. My time with you got me through the worst of what I went through.” Cas drained his beer and set it aside. “I’ve never been incredibly social, you know that, but to be dropped into total isolation? It was horrible. My only contacts were FBI people for whom I was nothing more than an assignment.”

“I take it that it wasn’t like the movies. You didn’t bond with your handlers?” Dean asked, putting plates on the counter.

Cas shook his head. Dean frowned, but said nothing. He added noodles to each plate, then chicken, then sauce. He carried them to the table, then put parmesan and two more beers alongside them. “Come on, let’s eat.”

“It smells wonderful. Thank you.” He sat down across from Dean and slowly situated himself with a napkin in his lap. Then he finally took a bite and smiled. “It’s as good as I remember, Dean,” he said when he’d finished chewing. “Maybe better.”

Dean smiled at that. “Good. It was always one of Sammy’s favorites, at least when I’d add broccoli to it.”

“He’s doing well?” Cas looked sad. “I wish I could see him. Let him know I’m ok.”

Dean shook his head. “It’s ok, Cas. You can’t risk it. He’d understand. Anyway, he’s good. His birthday is next week. He’s got a…well, he’s got a _boyfriend_ , which is a little weird – for him and for me – but it seems like they really like each other, so I think he’s gonna be ok.”

“A boyfriend?” Cas asked, incredulous. “He was quite taken with girls when I left.”

Dean laughed, the first genuine laugh free of tension he’d let out all day. “Oh, he was quite taken with girls the whole time since, up until about a week or so ago. Then he meets this new client of ours and _Bam!_ He likes a boy.”

Dean grinned and shook his head as he ate another bite. When he finished, he said, “I always told him that whatever he was into, as long as it wasn’t hurting someone else, it was cool. So, even though the guy has never liked anything but women his whole life, first time he’s attracted to a guy he just takes it in stride. I mean he barely hesitates and then he just rolls with it.” He forked up another bite, but didn’t eat it yet. “I could not be more proud.”

“That’s…truly incredible. Sam was always wiser than one might expect,” Cas said, continuing to eat his meal in tiny bites. “The heart rarely makes sense,” he said quietly, not looking at Dean.

“Yeah,” Dean said, staring at this grown man with his first love’s face but not his name. “Tell me about it.”

Cas must have heard something in Dean’s voice because he looked up, longing clear in his expression. “Dean, you should know…I might have to leave at any time. It’s rare and it’s unlikely, but it _is_ possible. I can offer you friendship. I can offer you friends with benefits. But more than that…it wouldn’t be wise. No matter how attractive the idea might be.”

“The heart rarely makes sense,” Dean repeated, not breaking eye contact.

Cas dropped his eyes and said nothing. Dean was disappointed, but he wouldn’t push. He didn’t really know if he knew this man or not. It wasn’t smart to get involved, Cas was right about that. Still, Dean felt pulled toward him as much as he always had.

After dinner, Dean pulled out the box of photographs. Cas was practically in tears when he saw them. Dean didn’t understand why at first, until Cas said, “I had to leave it all behind. Every piece of my old life. I couldn’t keep even a single picture.” He held the first picture reverently as he and Dean sat close to each other on the couch.

When they had gotten through all the pictures, Cas handed back the last picture and Dean suddenly realized how close their faces were. Dean couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off Cas’s lips. Cas’s tongue slipped out and wet them and Dean looked up to find Cas staring at him just as intently. Dean had longed to kiss those lips for as long as he could remember. And now that they were right in front of him, he could no longer remember why he shouldn’t do just that.

His hand moved of its own accord and touched Cas’s face. “If you don’t stop me, I’m gonna kiss you,” Dean said, voice low and hoarse.

Cas reached out, but instead of stopping Dean, he grabbed and pulled Dean to him. Those lips still felt the way Dean remembered. Warm and so soft and silky that sinking into them was like wrapping up in a comforter on a cold day. Then that tongue snaked out in search of his and Dean met it greedily.

~~@~~

Sam didn’t really know if he was getting in too deep too fast or not, but he had been seeing Gabe nearly everyday for a couple of weeks now. He wasn’t slacking off at work, but he was definitely thinking about Gabe while he was there. They were going out again tonight and Sam was even more excited than he had been a week ago. He was falling fast.

The one thing that was marring his good mood was worrying about Dean. Jimmy’s death had hit him hard, obviously, but he’d seemed to get past it - only to spiral down again this past week, walking around like a zombie everyday at work.

Before agreeing to go out with Gabriel tonight, Sam had asked Dean if he wanted to get together, but Dean had said he had plans. Sam was pretty sure that wasn’t true, unless his brother still considered getting unreasonably drunk to be “plans” - and Sam didn’t think he did.

Luckily for him, thoughts of Gabe soon pushed his brother’s troubles out of Sam’s head. He hopped in the shower and washed his hair, wondering if tonight would be the night Gabe was ready to take things further between them again physically. Sam really hoped it was.

Sam didn’t understand it. He’d never been with a man before Gabriel. He’d only been with _him_ once. And yet all he could think about was having Gabe inside him again. His dick perked up with the memories of last time and Sam debated taking care of it.

On the one hand, he might not have sex tonight. On the other hand he might. Then again, if he did, he didn’t want it to be over too fast, either. He decided that was two votes for yes and he quickly stroked himself to orgasm under the hot spray. He felt a little guilty that Jody made a brief appearance in the fantasy, but it wasn’t like he had memories of naked Gabriel that she wasn’t a part of.

Twenty minutes later, when he was clean and dry and dressed, Gabriel knocked on the door, right on time. “Hey there, Sam-o, how’s it going?” he asked as he stepped through the door. “Dammit, how do you keep getting better looking? It is both my least and favorite thing about you.” He was grinning as he said it, so Sam just smiled and shook his head. “You ready to go?”

Gabe looked pretty sexy himself right now, Sam thought. “Yeah, I think so,” he said, stepping closer and deciding to press his luck. “Unless of course you’d rather stay in and remind me how much I like being naked with you,” he said in a low voice.

Gabriel raised his face up to meet Sam in a kiss that, sadly, was not the heated one he’d been hoping for. His voice betrayed his calm demeanor, however. “Maybe later, Sam-o,” he said, in a hoarse whisper that sounded strained.

Sam was disappointed, but he just let it roll off. “Fair enough. Where are we going?”

Gabe pretended offense. “What, that’s it? You’re not even gonna fight for this hot bod?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I don’t beg, Gabe. And I don’t push,” he said in a low voice, leaning close enough to steal another kiss. This one had a lot more heat behind it.

When they came up for air, Gabe said, “If we didn’t have dinner reservations, my answer would be very different, Sam. Forget the maybe, though. Later, we will continue this.”

“You sure?” Sam asked, afraid to get his hopes up.

“More than sure. But we should leave,” he said, straightening. “Before my resolve weakens and I take your giant body on that ridiculously small couch.” He was smirking as he said it, obviously regaining control of himself.

“Well, I guess I do fuck better on a full stomach,” Sam said, making Gabriel groan.

“I never noticed this before, but you’re kind of a bastard, Sam Winchester. Kind of a bastard. All right, let’s blow this joint,” Gabe said, turning for the door.

“Rather blow you,” Sam muttered, just to live up to Gabe’s assessment.

Gabriel turned and pointed. “Bastard!” he declared. “Now let’s go.”

Sam was surprised by the choice of restaurant. Gabriel normally didn’t take him to crazy-expensive places, but evidently tonight was different. Not only did they have reservations, but they were in a private room with dim lighting and Sam’s menu had no prices on it.

“Wow, this is a little more luxury than I’m used to Gabe,” he admitted as he perused the gourmet menu choices.

“I don’t indulge very often myself, but I’ve been here a few times and it’s worth every penny. Get whatever you want.” He looked up from his own menu and pointed. “And it had better not be a salad. I didn’t bring you to the fanciest restaurant in town so you could eat very gourmet lettuce, Sam-o. Relax and live a little.”

“I don’t _always_ eat salad,” he mumbled, knowing he had chosen the healthiest options every time they had been out. Realistically, he knew one night of indulgence wouldn’t hurt, but he was sort of glad he’d held out for tonight. “I will get the most fat-laden thing on the menu, I promise.” He looked up with a glint in his eye. “With a salad on the side.”

Gabriel gave him a flat glare. “Bastard,” he repeated.

Sam chuckled and made his choices as the waiter arrived with a bottle of wine he didn’t know they had ordered. Gabriel must have noticed his confusion because when the waiter had gone, he explained.

“I pre-ordered the wine earlier when I called to confirm the reservation. I hope you like it. It’s one of my favorites, but I rarely get to enjoy it. So if you don’t like it,” he said with a grin, “I guess that just means more for me.”

Dinner was good, but Sam couldn’t keep his mind off Gabe’s promise for later. He had managed to keep from thinking about it most of the time when he’d thought it was off the table, but now that he knew it was happening, he had no such self-control. He was still a little nervous, but, damn, he wanted it.

Apparently, Gabriel was of the same mind because for once he didn’t suggest dessert. Neither of them lingered over their wine or meals, either. As soon as they finished eating the check was paid, and then they were out the door.

Back at Sam’s house, they were barely through the front door before Gabe’s mouth was on his. “God, wanted you so bad, Sam,” he murmured as he kissed from mouth to neck and back again, taking little nibbles along the way. “Wanted to wait,” he said. “ _Needed_ to wait,” he corrected. “But it wasn’t easy.”

“Why...needed?” Sam gasped as they started making out in earnest on the “ridiculously tiny couch”.

“Because,” Gabe said, doing his best to remove Sam’s shirt one handed. “Needed to make sure this wasn’t just about sex for you.” He paused in his hungry kissing and looked at Sam searchingly. “It’s not, is it?”

“No, Gabe,” he whispered, pulling that mouth back to his. “Not at all. Want you, yeah, but like being with you more.” Sam smiled. “Though this is pretty fucking good.”

Gabe groaned and finally succeeded in getting Sam topless. “Good. Fuck, I know, but I just need more than this.” He stopped and pulled off his own shirt, pressing his bare chest to Sam’s, causing them both to hum in pleasure. “Shit, want to fuck you and then want you to fuck me. Or vice versa. Don’t care as long as we both fuck and get fucked.”

He said it in such a matter of fact voice, but with such a lustful, blissed out look on his face, Sam didn’t know whether to moan or laugh. He did both. “Sounds good. Any particular reason, though?”

Gabe nodded as he went back to worshiping Sam’s ear, neck and shoulder. “Mm, yeah. Because I don’t want to have all the control. Want us to be equal. Want to, mm, want...shit,” he gasped as Sam’s wandering hands gripped his ass and ground their still-clothed erections.

“Less talking, more getting naked,” Sam pleaded.

“Bedroom,” Gabe said.

Without a word, Sam hoisted Gabriel up and stood, letting Gabe wrap his legs around Sam’s hips. They kept kissing as Sam made his way to the bedroom, carrying Gabe along with him.

“Never knew climbing a man like a tree was a thing I was into, but _fuck_ that was hot,” Gabe said when Sam tossed him onto the bed. They kicked off their shoes and, as soon as he got his pants unbuttoned, Sam was right there to drag them off of him. “Fuck, hiring WBPI was the best decision I ever made,” he said, dragging Sam back down for another kiss.

Sam managed to get his own pants off while they kissed, leaving them both in boxers. He broke out of the kiss in order to grab lube and condoms from the dresser. Then he dropped them on the bed and dove right back into making out.

“Fuck, Sam. So good.” He rolled his hips up, making Sam moan, long and low. “Wish I hadn’t had to wait so long for it.”

Sam snorted. “Your choice, not mine, Gabe,” he said, taking a teasing bite of Gabe’s pectoral muscle.

“Wasn’t...a choice...Sam, not really. Needed to know this wasn’t just sex for you.” Their hands were getting bolder and bolder, palming each other’s erections and squeezing each other’s asses possessively. “I can have sex whenever. ‘S not a brag, Sam, just a sad truth. I accept an invite to a fundraiser, I got half a dozen people ready to put out before the night even starts.”

He rolled Sam onto his back, straddling him and taking control for the time being. Then he kissed his way down Sam’s body as he continued speaking. “Don’t want that. Want someone I can talk to and _then_ have amazing sex with and then talk again. Go places with. Someone who can share in my life.”

“Want that too, Gabe. Fuck!” Sam said as Gabe finally reached his erection and started mouthing lazily at his hard length.

“Good,” Gabe said, raising his head with a filthy grin as he pulled off Sam’s boxers. “Fuck, though, it’s been hard staying away from you.” He climbed back up and kissed Sam again, grin firmly in place.

Sam removed Gabe’s briefs and then their naked cocks were hot and leaking against each other. It was exquisite. They rutted mindlessly for a few moments, but Gabe’s mouth seemed to be on auto-pilot.

“So hard to take it slow, Sam,” he said against Sam’s neck. “Wanted to wait longer,” he murmured against his jaw. “But you’re a stupidly easy man to love. Oh, fuck, yeah, right there,” Gabe gasped out as Sam rocked their erections together in a slow slide.

Sam tried not to react to what Gabriel had said. He wasn’t sure if Gabe knew he had said it or not and he was afraid that if he didn’t and he realized it than the amazing feelings that were spreading through him right now would stop. And Sam never, ever wanted to stop what they were doing.

“Up on all fours, Sam,” Gabe instructed at last, pulling back.

Sam complied and Gabe used his hands to spread Sam’s ass before running his tongue over him from balls to tailbone. Sam had never experienced anything like this before and he was soon a giggling, writhing mess, as Gabe sucked and licked and bit at his balls, thighs, cheeks and hole.

Sam had never felt a tongue inside him before. Hadn’t know how much he’d like it - or how dirty and good it would make him feel. Given that it was his first time, he would have expected embarrassment or at least a small desire to pull away. Instead, his instinct was spread open wider for Gabe, to take more of that tongue as it worked its way inside him.

The filthy wet sounds Gabe was making let Sam know he was enjoying it, too. “Aw, fuck, Gabe...that’s so...no one’s ever...oh my God, yes, fuck, yes,” Sam babbled as those lips and tongue and teeth worked all over his cheeks and rim. Then Gabe’s hand wrapped around his cock and stroked it gently and he groaned.

A few more strokes, and several more licks and then there was a slick finger rubbing at his rim. It slid inside easily and Gabriel didn’t hesitate to direct it to Sam’s prostate. After a gasp that turned into a whine, Sam couldn’t control the sounds that were falling out of his mouth now. Primal, breathy, throaty sounds of desperate desire that seemed to spur Gabriel on.

“Fuck, you want it so bad, don’t you?” Gabe asked. Sam hissed a positive response. “Opening you up so I can fuck you,” Gabe said, taking another firm bite of Sam’s ass cheek. “Opening myself up too. Want you so much, Sam.”

Just when he thought he would pass out from the intense sensations, Gabriel withdrew his questing fingers and got up on the bed behind him. “You ready?” he asked, running a hand up Sam’s back.

“So ready, Gabe, please,” Sam said.

“Drop down on your forearms. It’ll make the angle better,” Gabe said as he rolled on a condom and lined up his cock at Sam’s hole.

He pressed forward and Sam pressed back, eagerly. “Oh, fuck, yeah,” he said breathlessly as Gabe rocked in and out gently, slowly, until he was fully seated inside Sam.

Then Gabriel started to move, and it felt amazing. Sam had never known that a cock inside him would feel good, let alone so good he felt like he was all pleasure center and no brain. It didn’t take long for Gabe to speed up and soon he was pounding into Sam at an almost brutal pace.

Sam loved every second. They let out swears and moans and other unintelligible noises of fucking as their bodies rocked together. Every few strokes, Gabe’s balls would rub against his own and Sam would get a new spike of pleasure, taking him even higher outside himself.

Whenever Gabriel would nail his prostate, Sam kept thinking he was going over the edge, but whenever he got too close, Gabe would wrap his hand around the base of his cock and squeeze.

“Uh-uh-uh, still gotta fuck me back, remember?” Gabe whispered in Sam’s ear as he leaned over him and fucked into him with short, shallow thrusts meant to torture him with p-spot stimulation. He bit the shell of Sam’s ear and, hand on his cock or not, Sam nearly came.

“It’s too much, Gabe, it’s too much,” he cried out. Then he nearly wept when Gabriel pulled out of him without warning.

“Roll over,” Gabe commanded and Sam obeyed.

He quickly slid back into Sam’s hole, raising one of Sam’s leg up to his shoulder and straddling the other one. It still felt good - crazy good - but it wasn’t as overwhelmingly intense. Then, after he rolled a condom onto Sam’s erection, Gabe caught and held Sam’s gaze and it became too much in a different way.

Sam was not prepared for the wealth of feeling that surged inside him. He suddenly remembered that Gabe used the word love and he thought he might get lost in those whiskey eyes.

“Hold on, Sam. Don’t let go yet. Wait for me,” Gabe whispered and for a moment, Sam thought he was reading his thoughts. Then he realized what Gabe meant and whined.

“So close, Gabe. Let me fuck you now, please?”

Without answering or breaking eye contact, Gabe slid out of Sam and then onto him, straddling his hips and taking Sam’s cock inside with little trouble. Sam’s eyes nearly rolled back in his head at how good it felt.

Evidently, Gabriel felt the same way because his face and neck flushed red. He stroked his own cock - which Sam hadn’t even seen him take the condom off of -and his mouth hung open slightly as he panted. When Sam was very close, Gabe bent down and kissed him deeply, biting at his lower lip as he pulled away.

“Gonna come, Sam. Come with me,” he said, then Sam felt his hole tighten around him. Gabe groaned and gasped as his release shot out and onto Sam’s chest hot and wet.

It took Sam another couple of strokes to get there, bucking up into Gabe’s ass like a wild man. Gabe held his gaze as he came until it became too much and Sam had to close his eyes, heading pushing back and neck arching out. Gabriel took the opportunity to kiss and nibble his throat again and as Sam came down, he raised Gabe’s face up for a kiss, long and lingering.

He pulled Gabe up until his cock slid out and then let him back down. They were both getting messier, but Sam didn’t care. Right now all he wanted was his face crushed to Gabe’s face. Then Gabe pulled back and rested his forehead against Sam’s collarbone.

Sam could feel his breathing change, not with sleep, but quickening as if he was thinking too hard. Sam rubbed his hands up and down Gabe’s back. Gabe relaxed again, apparently deciding not to say whatever it had been.

They got up and got cleaned up and then Sam convinced Gabe he should stay and they should lie in bed and cuddle while pondering an eventual round two, or breakfast - whichever came first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The next chapter is also half smut. The second half, is half-written. Heh. You still love me, right? ♥


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets some of what he's been dreaming of for so long. Sam gets something he never dreamed of at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a terrible person with no redeeming qualities. I am the worst. Almost two weeks without an update? I was never going to be "that person". I am now that person. Not going to make excuses. I was working on final edits for my actual book and doing other things (like the SPN Ace Minibang - such excite) and I let time get away from me. I'll do better, baby, I swear!

Only a few seconds into the kiss and Dean realized a couple of things. One was that, while the lips were familiar, the person he was kissing was most definitely Cas and not Jimmy. Jimmy had been a good kisser, but he had nothing on his grown up self. The second was that, if Cas was still interested, Dean was going to go back on that whole “I don’t need a fuck buddy” thing.

Because kissing Cas was...well. If what he and Jimmy had shared all those years ago amounted to fireworks, then what was happening between him and Cas right now was something more akin to a nuclear explosion.

When he pulled out of the kiss, he could see that Cas looked every bit as dazed as Dean felt. Then Cas blinked and his eyes cleared a little and he stood up and backed away. “I should probably go,” he said in a rush.

“Or you could stay,” Dean countered, grabbing onto Cas’ wrist lightly.

“But, you said you didn’t want -”

“I know what I said, Cas. Changed my mind. Never had a kiss like that in my life.” He tugged gently until Cas sat back down. Then he grinned. “Wanna see if the movie lives up to the preview.” He wasn’t entirely sure this was a good idea, but he wanted it just the same.

“Is this just for tonight?” Cas asked, considering.

“Don’t know, to be honest. Probably just a one time only deal, yeah, but we can play that by ear, if it’s all the same to you.” His thumb was massaging the inside of Cas’ arm now.

Cas was leaning forward now, slowly, as if spellbound. “What if...the first kiss was just a fluke?” he whispered, eyes on Dean’s lips.

“Only one way to find out,” Dean said, closing the gap and pressing their mouths together again.

If anything, this kiss was more intense than the first one. Before Dean knew what was happening, Cas was on his lap, straddling him. They were both hard and occasionally Cas shifted and bumped their erections together, sending sparks through Dean’s whole body.

Then he made the mistake of coming up for air and stared into those blue eyes that had so haunted his dreams. For a second he couldn’t breathe. Jimmy was here. He was Cas, but he was Jimmy and Dean was lost, trapped between the ghost of the past and the fear of the future.

Dean dropped his gaze and sucked in ragged breaths, willing his heart to slow down. God, he wanted this. He’d never wanted anyone this badly before. But he had wanted _something_ this badly and it had been to have Jimmy back. And now a version of him was right there, but Dean couldn’t have him, not really.

So Dean had to be careful. Otherwise, he might slide right down into something that would leave only devastation if it disappeared. Cas had told him straight up there could be no relationship aside from friendship. Hell, he’d barely agreed to that.

All of this went through his mind in the span of a few breaths, but Cas was starting to realize Dean wasn’t just catching his breath. Before Cas could ask him what was wrong and before Dean could over think it, he kissed Cas again, this time watching only his lips until his eyes closed. If he didn’t look him in the eye again, maybe it would be okay.

His body certainly wanted him to move forward. As this third kiss deepened, his hips began rolling up toward Cas’ hips. Cas was more than happy to meet him, thrust for thrust. They began making out in earnest then, shirts coming off without Dean really even being more than marginally aware.

All he knew at the moment was tongue and lips and crotch. He didn’t know where his hands were, didn’t know where Cas’ hands - oh, there they were, unbuttoning his pants. Dean slid sideways so that he was lying down and Cas moved along with him.

Dean had bought this couch for its spaciousness because he loved a good nap on the couch. Its size was serving him well for other reasons now. Cas was mapping out the topography of Dean’s skin from face to waist with his mouth and hands. Then Cas finished the work he’d started and removed Dean’s pants. Dean didn’t even remember taking off his shoes.

He felt drunk on this feeling of heat that was coiling inside him. When his pants were off, he watched as Cas stood up to remove his own. The guy was solidly built. He wasn’t ripped like some bodybuilder, but he had the well-defined muscles of an athlete, and Dean wanted to taste every single one.

As Cas lay back down on top of him, Dean shifted so he could try to do just that. Evidently, Cas was not only toned but flexible, as he was able to bend backwards at the waist and give Dean perfect access to his chest.

“Oh, God, Dean,” he groaned as Dean latched onto a nipple and sucked.

Dean tried not to remember that, as Jimmy, Cas had grabbed the back of Dean’s head and held him in place the first time he’d done it. That became more difficult when Cas did the same thing again. Luckily for him, Cas also ground against his crotch and Dean forgot a lot of things. Like what his name was and pretty much everything that wasn’t the feel of Cas’ cock sliding against his with nothing but cotton between them.

As Cas shifted and briefly returned to Dean the ability to think, Dean considered his options. On the one hand, they could frot and he’d be satisfied with that. Handjobs, blowjobs, these were all options. But he knew what he really wanted. He wanted to be taken apart, shaken apart and that having Cas inside him was the only way to make that happen.

It also meant he could have his back to Cas while they did it and lessen the chances of making eye contact at a vulnerable moment.

Cas was apparently on the same wavelength because he spoke from where he was showering attention on Dean’s neck and ear. “Top or bottom?” he asked in a rumbling whisper.

The sound went straight to Dean’s cock. “Bottom,” he answered, reaching into the pocket on the side of the sofa blindly. He had to root around a bit before he could find the lube and condoms, but he eventually did.

When he was facing completely forward again, Cas came in for another kiss. This time it was Dean who went for the ear and neck after they pulled away. Cas’ skin was so soft and warm beneath his lips. He smelled like cinnamon and soap and man and Dean knew he’d smelled it before, so long ago, but it was different now. More potent. He breathed it in deeply as his mouth moved all over Cas’ neck and jaw.

He didn’t notice Cas taking the lube and condoms from him, but Cas’ finger nudging his hole certainly got his attention. It had been a while and he had to remind himself to relax, to enjoy. Cas was licking and biting down his torso as his finger worked its way gently over – but not quite inside - Dean’s ass.

“Wanna taste you,” he said as he reached Dean’s crotch.

Dean assumed he meant his cock - and Cas did spend a few minutes there, sucking and licking in ways that made Dean’s head spin - but then Cas hoisted his legs up, pressing Dean’s knees toward his chest. Next he put a hand on each of Dean’s cheeks and spread them, pushing forward so that it opened Dean’s hole to Cas’ view and Dean felt completely exposed.

He had no time to feel embarrassed, however, as Cas immediately leaned forward and licked a long wet stripe from Dean’s tailbone up to his balls. He repeated the motion a couple of times and then he focused his attention on and around Dean’s hole.

Dean was totally unprepared for the experience. No one had ever done that to him before. He’d never been interested in being rimmed and had never let anyone else try it. He never even considered asking Cas to stop. It felt good. Better than he would have ever imagined. It was so different from anything else he’d ever felt.

When Cas sucked at his taint, Dean gasped like he’d been dunked in ice water. He felt a little like that too, as tiny gooseflesh made its way across his skin. Cas worried at it with his teeth and Dean whined. Cas hummed in apparently pleasure and started pushing his tongue harder against Dean's hole, opening him up.

Then Cas was endlessly circling Dean's rim with his tongue and Dean didn’t know how to deal with it. It was so intense, but not enough to make him come and Dean needed something harder to keep himself from screaming. He reached down and pinched his own nipples, hard, and cried out from how good the combination was.

Then Cas was sliding a lubed finger in to replace his tongue and Dean was rocking into it, taking as much as Cas would give him. Dean kept playing with his nipples and trying other things to distract himself from the overwhelming things Cas was doing, his lower lip getting sore from the way he kept dragging it between his teeth.

Cas added another finger and then a third and by then Dean was writhing and spreading himself open as much as he could, wanting more. Cas skimmed teeth against his balls and Dean whimpered with need. The next thing he knew, Cas had removed his fingers and had his hands on Dean’s ass cheeks again.

“Fuck, look at you,” Cas whispered.

Then he took the lube and squeezed the cold gel directly onto Dean’s rim, making him gasp and his hole spasm. A warm fingertip began spreading the lube around the edges of his hole in a slow caress.

“Please,” Dean begged.

“Sit up,” Cas said. “Want you to ride me.” He moved into a sitting position and started putting on a condom as he said it.

Dean moved over to straddle Cas, but he did it with his back facing Cas’ chest. He liked this position okay, but mostly it was an excuse not to look Cas in the eye and risk seeing Jimmy.

When he was in position, Cas put a hand on either hip and helped guide Dean over his cock. Dean slid down, his hole stretching easily to take the head, then more. Dean pulled back off and slid down again, further this time. He repeated the motions until he was all the way down on Cas’ cock, their balls resting together.

Both men moaned and then Dean slid back up. Cas didn’t let him do all the work, though. As Dean lifted, he pulled back and as Dean came down, he bucked his hips up, slamming them together. They rode slow like this for a few minutes and then gradually passion overtook them both and they started moving faster and harder.

Dean’s thighs weren’t used to these motions anymore and he had to stop and let Cas take over for a while. Cas didn’t seem to mind. He was more than happy to hold Dean up and thrust up into him. He shifted Dean’s body slightly, so that he was occasionally hitting Dean’s sweet spot and making him see stars.

“Oh, yeah, fuck yeah,” Dean babbled as he got closer.

Cas grabbed one of his legs and pulled it up, spreading Dean open a little more and allowing Cas to drive deeper. Dean was lost in the feelings, half blind with want. Noises were tumbling out of him that he didn’t recognize as words or not words. They were just part of all the sensations.

Then Cas twisted his head back toward him for another kiss and Dean kissed back hungrily, grateful somehow for all the feelings Cas was giving him. His tongue and Cas’ moved around gracelessly in the heat of the moment, but it was enough to make Cas draw nearer to orgasm.

After a bite to Dean’s lower lip, Cas pulled out of the kiss, but held Dean’s head where it was as his thrusts grew faster and more purposefully. As they separately, their gazes caught, held. Dean came without warning, with a sobbed, “Fuck,” and a string of moans and gasps. Cas was right there with him, coming and swearing and neither of them dropping their gaze.

Dean fell backward and kissed him again, suddenly aware of the tears in his eyes and the lump in his throat. He dropped his head to Cas’ shoulder, heaving great shaky breaths through his mouth.

He was so fucked.

How could he have been so careless? All he’d had to do was not make eye contact during sex. And he’d almost made it too. Then, when he was at his most vulnerable, when all his walls were down, he’d opened himself wide up and looked straight into Cas’ eyes like the secrets of the universe were in there. And fuck if it hadn’t felt like they were.

“That was...” Cas began, then shook his head, without lifting it from the couch, jostling Dean’s head lightly. “Fucking incredible.”

Dean huffed a laugh, despite his dark thoughts. “Yeah, you could say that. I never knew what I was missing. Rimming is awesome.”

Cas’ head came up at that and Dean felt those eyes on him. “Are you saying you’d never been rimmed before?”

Dean felt his skin flush, but he just shrugged and said, “Never saw the appeal until now, I guess.”

Dean looked at Cas then and saw the proud grin spreading over his face. “You’re welcome,” he said, chuckling.

Dean barked a laugh. “Wow, modest.”

“Hey, it isn’t everyday that you get to be Dean Winchester’s first at something sexual,” he said, lifting a shoulder.

Dean’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Dude, you were already my first at everything.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “No, I wasn’t. That honor went to the infamous Rhonda Hurley.”

“Dude, what the hell are you - oh.” He started to protest and then he remembered. When he and Cas had first become friends, he’d boasted about having bedded the school’s hot girl. The reality had been a little different. He rubbed a hand on the back of his neck, which he was sure was flaming red at this point. At least it matched his face.

“Dean?”

“Um, yeah, about that...she wasn’t...I didn’t...” Dean sighed. “You were my first. Rhonda and I went out and we did get naked a few times, but she just made me put on her panties and spanked me a little bit. We kissed a lot, but I never even got to second base with her.”

Cas looked dumbfounded. “I was really your first?” he asked, his voice high and soft and so unlike his usual one.

Dean raised and lowered a shoulder, staring down at his hands. “Yeah. Does it really matter now?”

“It does to me. It matters a lot.”

They were quiet for a long moment and then Cas said quietly, “Dean? I don’t want to be fuck buddies.”

~~@~~

Sam was in a bad mood all day on Sunday. After their amazing night of sex and cuddling, Sam had woken up feeling amazing - until he had asked Gabriel about seeing a movie the next weekend and it had all gone to shit.

“So, hey, I saw that there’s a showing of Arsenic and Old Lace at the Lancashire Theater next Saturday,” he had said. “I was thinking maybe we could go.”

With his heavy curtains, the light was virtually nonexistent even in the early morning, but he could have sworn he had seen Gabe flinch. He definitely had felt him draw away slightly. “Oh, shoot, Sam, I’ve, uh, got a thing Saturday. I don’t really, um, think I can get out of it.”

Sam had frowned and accepted the excuse without confronting Gabe, but he knew it hadn’t been the truth. What he didn’t understand was why Gabe would lie to him. The mood had shifted from blissful to awkward and Gabriel had evidently felt it as strongly as Sam had. He’d left before breakfast with a chaste kiss and barely a backward glance.

Sam had felt off and unhappy ever since. They hadn’t texted at all, which was unusual. Sam didn’t know what to do. He finally broke down and called Dean, feeling like a stupid teenager, mooning over his crush.

“Uh, hey, Sammy, what’s up?” Dean sounded weird, but maybe that was just Sam’s overall mood and he was projecting it on his brother.

Sam sighed. “It’s about Gabe. Do you have a minute?”

“Yeah, for my little bro, always,” Dean said and obviously meant it.

Sam felt himself relax. He explained the situation, minus the details about them having been in bed. He ended with, “Am I being crazy?”

Dean said, “Sam, look. It’s a new relationship. I’m sure you haven’t spilled all your dark...vanilla...secrets to him yet -”

“Dick.”

“Noted. And he’s probably got things he’s not ready to share. You said he hadn’t had the best childhood, right?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, grudgingly.

“There you go. Maybe it’s something to do with that and he doesn’t want to talk about it yet. Don’t worry about it, all right? I’ve seen the two of you together. The guy is totally into you.” He sighed heavily into Sam’s ear. “Sometimes, people have to keep things to themselves, even when they wish they didn’t. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about you.”

“I guess. You really think I shouldn’t worry about it?”

“I really think you shouldn’t. When the time is right, you’ll know everything. But hey, we’re still on for Sunday, right? Annual brofest for your birthday?”

Sam laughed. “I wouldn’t miss it. Thanks, Dean. I’ll talk to you soon.”

When they hung up, he stared at his phone for a long moment. Then he shook off his indecision and typed out a long text to Gabe.

**Are we still ok? Last night was amazing, but this morning was weird. Just wanted to make sure I don’t need to be worried that you’ve changed your mind or something. Call me when you get this?**

It was almost half an hour before he got a response. It was just long enough that Sam was starting to panic that Dean was wrong and Gabe had just changed his mind about being together, now that they’d had sex again. Then his phone rang and he freaked out even more.

“Uh, hey, Gabe,” he said, cursing himself inside for how not smooth he sounded.

“Hey, Samchester. I got your message.” Gabe blew out a breath and Sam died a hundred times before he said a word. “Look, about this morning. I have a thing next weekend. I would tell you about it if I could, but I can’t. And I really, _really_ don’t want it to fuck things up between us. Because it isn’t something that has anything to do with us, okay? I just wasn’t prepared for you to ask me to do something that day and I panicked.”

Sam felt his whole body go limp with relief. “Okay. As long as you’re not wanting to break up now that we’ve had sex again, I can handle you needing to keep a secret.”

“Oh, thank God. I’ve been worried sick all day that I screwed this all up over something totally out of my control.” The obvious relief in Gabe’s voice made Sam feel even better.

“If you want me to leave, you’re gonna have to try harder than really awesome sex and things you don’t wanna talk about,” Sam assured him with a laugh.

Gabe burst out with a sound Sam could only assume was that “guffaw” thing he was always reading about. It sounded like a cross between Goofy and a goose - and Sam had never heard a sound more adorable.

“Does that mean you wanna come over tonight for a repeat performance?” Gabe asked, voice dropping low.

“Is right this second too soon for me to leave?” Sam asked, half serious.

“No, although five minutes ago would have been better,” Gabe said. “I’m not joking, in case you’re wondering. Get over here already!”

When Sam showed up, Gabe was waiting in the doorway by the time Sam was out of the car. They got inside with the door shut, barely, and then their mouths were locked together and clothes were coming off.

A few minutes later, when they were both naked, Sam lifted Gabe up to his waist again and dropped backward onto the couch. They kissed and frotted for a minute before Gabe pulled back with heavy-lidded eyes and a smirk.

“You know I could really get used to this whole “you Tarzan, me Jane” thing, Sam-o,” he said, moving back in for a kiss.

Sam’s huffed laughter stopped him. Sam grinned at him fondly and said, “You know, you’re a pretty easy guy to love too.” Then he yanked Gabe forward and plunged his tongue into his mouth before he could respond.

Gabe responded enthusiastically to the kiss, but then suddenly stilled completely. He pulled back, their lips separating with an audible sound and he stared into Sam’s face with wide, searching eyes.

Sam dropped his head slightly and looked up at Gabe from beneath his brows. He lifted a shoulder and lowered it again. “You said it first,” he said, worry starting to creep into the warmth being close to Gabe had brought him.

Gabe closed his eyes and pressed Sam back against the couch, slotting their mouths together again and using his tongue in a way that clearly read as “mine, mine, mine.” Sam kissed back for all he was worth, feeling tears prickle his eyes in relief.

Gabe broke the kiss again, panting heavily and resting their foreheads together as he stared at Sam’s chest. “I thought I was crazy. It’s only been a couple of weeks. I didn’t mean to say it, obviously, but I meant it. I know what I feel.” He looked up and Sam and smiled, radiantly. “I can’t believe you feel it too.”

“You _are_ crazy, but not about this,” Sam teased. “And only in the best ways,” he said, staring at Gabe and knowing everything he felt was probably written on his face.

They kissed and started making out again. Their pace this time was slower, as they drank each other in, savoring the moment. Gabriel wanted to bottom this time and neither of them felt like walking up the stairs. Sam laid him out beneath him on the couch when he’d been prepped and slid into him slowly. They stared into each others eyes and rocked together tenderly for what felt like hours.

They finally broke the gaze to kiss and Sam moved his hips a little faster. The position trapped Gabe’s cock between them and he whimpered into Sam’s mouth, a needy little sound that went straight to Sam’s cock. He lifted back up onto his hands. Sam kept his pace relatively slow, but started snapping his hips forward harder.

Gabe panted, eyes unfocused, as he reached down to stroke himself. He had one hand on his cock and the other cupped his balls. He gasped and moaned and rolled up to meet Sam’s thrusts.

“Close, Sam. Really close,” he murmured, his hand speeding up.

“Me too, Gabe. Go on and come, baby. Want to see it,” Sam growling as his movements became more erratic.

Gabe’s eyes flew open wide as he came silently over his fingers and chest. As the drops began to land, Sam felt his balls draw up and he came too, groaning and grunting like a wild thing. He collapsed forward with his face in the crook of Gabe’s neck. He breathed deep and kissed Gabe’s shoulder.

After about a minute, Gabe’s hands came up to shove at him. “I love you, but you’re fucking heavy. Get off me so I can breathe, you moose.” His voice was annoyed, but there was nothing but fondness in his face when Sam, laughing, pushed himself up.

“I love you too, tiny human,” he said, pressing a soft kiss to Gabe’s forehead.

Gabe smiled sweetly at him. “Stay?” he asked.

Sam grinned. “Want me to carry you upstairs?”

“Oh, hell, yes, Tarsam!” Gabe said with a wink.

“Idiot,” Sam said, laughing slightly.

“Your idiot,” Gabe said softly.

“Your idiot,” Gabe said softly.

It wasn’t very late by the time they got upstairs, so after a brief rest, they were both wide awake again. Gabe started to fidget again, like he had the night before and Sam wasn’t going to let him back out this time.

“All right, whatever it is, just say it. You’ve had it on your mind since yesterday, so out with it,” he said gently but firmly.

“Well, yesterday it was more about the feelings talk. Tonight is...something else.” He sat up a little straighter, turning toward Sam. “I was wondering how you felt about, um... bondage.” His whiskey eyes searched Sam’s face as he waited for an answer.

Sam was nonplussed. “Oh. Uh... Honestly, I don’t know what I thought you were going to say, but that wasn’t it.” He scratched his chest. “Well, I’ve never tried it before, but I guess I’m not against it.”

“Would you let me tie you up?” Gabe asked, watching Sam’s hand now instead of his face.

Sam looked at him, considering. “This is a trust thing, isn’t it?” It was more statement than query.

Gabe shrugged, glancing up only briefly. “Maybe? Not entirely, but yeah, that’s a part of it, I think.”

“Let’s do it,” Sam said.

“Yeah?” Gabe’s eyes were wide with surprise.

“Yeah. I mean, not tonight. I’m a little tired for that, but... maybe next time?” he suggested uncertainly.

Gabe smiled. “Next time.” He ran his hand up and down Sam’s chest, probably more to enjoy the feeling of his skin than to stir up butterflies in Sam’s stomach, but it did the latter none the less.

“Not too tired for everything,” Sam said, pulling Gabe over for another kiss.

Round two was back to the fast and furious pace of the night before, but Sam was hardly complaining. Since they were both one orgasm down and able to last longer, they experimented with a lot of different positions. Sam had a hard time choosing which was his favorite.

When they fell back onto the bed, sated and worn out, he didn’t mind a bit when Gabe pulled him into the small spoon position. Because of his size, he’d always been looked at as the protector in his relationships. It was sort of nice feeling protected for a change.

“Love you, Sam,” Gabe whispered against his neck.

“Love you,” he whispered back.

His heart was pounding, just knowing they were saying those things to each other. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time, if ever. He was in way over his head, but he hoped it would last long enough for him to reach the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You still love me, though, right? Tellmetellmetellme. ♥


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas make some decisions. Sam and Dean talk about trust. Sam and Gabe take their trust to a new level.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently this one is just not going to post weekly like I had planned. I'll do my best not to let it be two weeks again, but I know better than to make promises. 
> 
> At any rate, this chapter contains a little light bondage, so if that isn't your thing, feel free to skip that part, but make sure not to skip the part after that as it is somewhat plot-driving. If that _is_ your thing, you're welcome and I accept comments in lieu of gifts ;)

Dean froze and felt his heart drop into his shoes. The small “Oh” he let out was barely a whisper. He had trouble getting enough air into his lungs. He felt as though he’d been punched in the stomach and part of him wished that was the case. He’d get over that much sooner.

Then Cas reached out a hand and gently grabbed his arm. “Dean, I think you’ve misunderstood.” Dean barely heard him over the thundering of blood in his ears. Then Cas was turning Dean’s chin, forcing him to face him. “Look at me, Dean. Please?”

Dean did and he didn’t understand the expression that he saw on Cas’ face. Cas looked worried but also a little bit... was it amused? What the hell was so funny?

“Dean, I didn’t mean I want this to be a one time thing.” _Oh_. “I meant I’d like to try something more than friendship or sex.”

Dean drew in a deep breath at last and allowed himself a sliver of hope. “But you said that wasn’t safe,” he said, looking at Cas with wide eyes.

“It... I don’t know if it is or isn’t, really. I just know that I want to try. I think it’s worth trying. You seemed to think so earlier,” he said, giving Dean a questioning look. Dean nodded. Cas sighed. “It won’t be ideal. If they were to find me, you’d either have to leave with me or I’d have to disappear without telling you where I was going. There’s no guarantee that we’ll have more than a short time together,” Cas warned.

“No one has that guarantee, Cas.” Dean laughed incredulously. “Hell, we only got one night the first time, remember?”

Cas smiled softly. “I remember.” He looked away and cleared his throat. “Your techniques have improved,” he said, mouth quirking up at one corner.

Dean laughed for real this time. “Yeah, back at you, man.” Dean rubbed his hand against his thigh nervously, remembering for the first time that they were both still naked. “What, um, what changed your mind about this? Was it my, uh, ‘technique’ or...?” Dean asked.

“No,” Cas said, shaking his head with a laugh. “It was... Well, don’t get me wrong. The sex was phenomenal, but it was that moment when you looked at me.” He clasped his hands between his knees and stared at them. “I never stopped caring about you, Dean. It’s been a long time, but you were always in the back of my mind. I thought about you less frequently through the years, but I never stopped thinking about you.”

When he looked up, those blue eyes were wet and bright. “There were times when your memory would come back so vividly I would ache with it. One minute I’d be fine and then I’d watch a movie or see something else that reminded me of you and suddenly it was like someone rewound my emotions back to the day I left.” He sniffed. “And when you looked at me, I realized you still care about me too. I know you said as much, but... seeing it with my own eyes when you were too lost in the moment to hide... that made it real for me.”

Dean closed the gap between them and kissed Cas firmly but chastely, for all that they were both still naked. Tears splashed on his hands and he wasn’t sure whose they were, but he didn’t care, either.

“Let’s try, Cas,” he said, pulling back at last. “We’ll cross the what-if-they-find-you bridge if we come to it, but honestly, yeah, if this goes the way I expect it to, I’d probably pack up and go with you, if it came to that.” He reached down and grabbed his T-shirt and put it on. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

Cas looked at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. “You’d leave Sam?”

Dean stared straight into Cas’ blue depths. “Sam’s a big boy now. He knows how much he means to me and how to take care of himself. He also knows how much you always meant to me and if he knew I had another chance, no way would he want me to give that up.”

This time Cas planted the kiss on him. There were fewer tears - and Dean’s T-shirt didn’t stay back on for long.

~~@~~

Dean spent the next few days in a fog. Cas hadn’t spent the night, but he had come back the next morning and they’d spent all of Sunday together. They had agreed to meet up again on Wednesday, since Dean’s next weekend would be taken up with preparations and attendance at Sam’s surprise birthday party. Dean was glad he’d handed control of the party over to Charlie because right now he was barely able to concentrate on anything that wasn’t Cas.

Saturday and Sunday had been amazing, but once Dean was alone again on Sunday night, he had a lot of time to think. He felt completely mixed up inside. Learning to call him by a new name turned out to be the easier part of meeting up with Jimmy again, now that he was Cas.

Cas wasn’t just older. Dean knew that life had probably changed him as well, but somehow it was more pronounced in Cas. There were subtle differences in the way he spoke and his preferences for certain foods and music had changed just slightly. It was disconcerting.

It wasn’t necessarily bad, it just had Dean’s brain spinning. Still, those two days were the best time he’d had dating anyone in years. They still had a connection that seemed to defy logic. Even with all the changes, he and Cas just seemed to _get_ each other, in a way that Dean hadn’t had with anyone else. It felt good, but it was also a little frightening.

Cas could turn Dean’s world upside down in an instant. Was it really worth the risk? When Dean thought of electric blue eyes and heart-revving kisses, he thought maybe it was. Not that their physicality was even close to the best part. It just created a tangible expression of what was between them emotionally.

Wednesday at work was the hardest. Cas was all Dean could think about from the time he’d woken up. He planned to leave early so he could go home and change, but he hadn’t counted on Sam being so nosy. Dean was in his office working on a surveillance report for a client when his brother caught up to him.

“Hey, Dean. Garth said you’re leaving early today?” he said, coming in without bothering to knock.

“Yeah,” Dean said, too distracted by what he was doing to even attempt making up an excuse.

“Ooookay. You wanna tell me why?” Sam asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Nope,” Dean said, not even looking up.

Sam sighed and said, “ _Dean_ ” in that annoying way of his.

Dean closed his eyes and counted to ten as he breathed. “Sammy. I am a grown ass man. I do not need permission from my little brother to leave my own business a little early.”

“ _Dean_ ,” Sam said, somehow shoving even more petulance into his tone than before.

Dean knew he was being unfair, but he couldn’t tell Sam what he was doing. He had to come up with something quickly, though, or risk a fight with his brother. He sighed and threw down his pen.

He closed his eyes and forced his face out of its scowl. Then he opened his eyes and looked at his brother earnestly. “Sam, can you please just trust me? I’m okay. I’m taking care of myself. I just need a couple hours off, all right?” Sam’s face relaxed only marginally. Dean sighed again. “I don’t want to talk about it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not dealing with it.”  
  
Sam looked at him carefully, searching his face for any sign of a lie. “You’re not heading off to the bar to get drunk and take home the first brunette that smiles back?” he asked.

Dean had to laugh at that. He was, after all, hoping to take a brunet home, but he didn’t need to be drunk first. “No, Sammy, I am not. If I were, don’t you think it’d be tomorrow morning when I’d want to take the time off? Not going to score at three in the afternoon.” Sam frowned, as if afraid to believe Dean’s sound logic. “No wonder you couldn’t hack it at Stanford,” Dean teased.

Sam relaxed at that and laughed. “You dick,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean said with an easy grin. Then he narrowed his eyes. “How’s _your_ life going, huh? Gabriel treating my baby brother right?”

There was no mistaking the way Sam’s face lit up at the mention of Lokinose. He dropped his face, blushing slightly. “Yeah, he’s... it’s really good with us.” He lifted his eyes to Dean’s and then dropped them again. “We actually, um....” He trailed off with a soft laugh and looked over at Dean’s bookshelf.

Dean waved a hand. “It’s all right, Sammy, I don’t need to hear about your sex life.”

Sam turned beet red and made a pained face. “Dean, gross, I wasn’t... Ugh! How do you make me feel twelve years old?” he complained.

Dean grinned again. “It’s my job as your wiser and more handsome older brother.”

Sam smiled and rolled his eyes. “Whatever, jerk. What I was gonna say was... we said the L word.” He dropped his gaze to the floor, a smiling quirking up one side of his mouth, his skin still scarlet.

Dean was stunned. Part of him wanted to protest, but he realized Sam wasn’t twelve anymore. And since Dean was asking Sam for trust, he needed to give some back. So instead of questioning their haste, he said, “That’s awesome, Sammy,” in a quiet voice. “I’m really happy for you.”

Sam’s head whipped up, his eyes shocked. “Really?” he asked, clearly incredulous. “You’re not going to tell me it’s too soon or I’m crazy or any of that?”

“Do you want me to?”

“No, but... I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“Look, Sam. I’ve never seen you like this with anybody else, okay? You’ve obviously got it bad for the guy and from what I’ve seen, it’s mutual.” Dean held out his hands. “Besides, I’m asking you to trust me, so I’m trusting you.”

Sam nodded thoughtfully. “I guess I’ll let you finish up,” he said and turned to go. Halfway to the door, he turned back. “You’re a pretty good brother, you know that?” With that, he turned and walked out, just as Garth walked in.

“Damn allergies,” Dean said, as his eyes filled up and his nose turned red.

Garth smiled at him beatifically. “Whatever you say, boss. I just brought in the expense reports you wanted. And can you sign the paychecks while I’m here?”

“You tell anybody you saw my allergies acting up and I will beat your scrawny ass, Garth, don’t think I won’t.”

Garth just grinned at him. “Wouldn’t dream of it, boss. It’s illegal to disclose medical information about coworkers, ain’t it?” he asked with a wink.

Dean’s laugh was more like a hiccup, but it stopped his “allergic reaction” cold. “Yeah, man, I think it is. Have you had a raise this month, Garth?” he asked, his pen hovering over Garth’s paycheck.

“No, sir, I don’t think so.”

“Well, let’s get that taken care of and write you a new check, then.”

“Yes, sir,” Garth said with a grin, heading out to get the appropriate paperwork.

A couple of hours later, he was meeting Cas at his house. They’d decided it was safer to lay low, not only because Cas still wasn’t sure that Dean’s searches hadn’t alerted someone to his continued existence, but also because it would guarantee they wouldn’t be running into Sam.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said with a smile as he opened the door. His expression was warm and open, instead of guarded as it had been the last time Dean had been here.

“Hey,” Dean said, swallowing the instinctive “J” that had sprung to his lips. He hoped his smile was equally warm.

They stepped inside and Cas closed the door behind them. “Would you like something to drink? I’ve got beer, wine, soda, water....”

Dean thought about what Sam had said earlier. “You know, a soda actually sounds good. Didn’t have my last cup of coffee today.”

Cas gestured to the couch. “Have a seat, I’ll be right back.”

Dean wanted to tell him not to be so formal, but he really couldn’t blame him. This was new territory for them both, but Cas in particular. He’d never dated anyone who knew his past and his present, Dean knew. It had to be strange, though hopefully in a good way.

“Here you are,” Cas said when he came back. Dean took the glass. “Dinner should be ready in a few minutes.”

“It smells good,” Dean said, realizing for the first time that he smelled garlic bread and some kind of meat.

“Three cheese sausage lasagne,” Cas explained.

“I knew I liked you,” Dean teased. “Here, sit down. You’re making me nervous,” Dean said, patting the couch next to him.

“I’m a bit nervous myself. Glad you’re here, though,” Cas told him frankly.

Dean smiled. “Yeah. Me too.”

“I thought after dinner we could watch a movie? Or we could just talk, whichever you want.” He was fidgeting with the edging on a couch cushion.

Dean reached over and put a calming hand on top of Cas’s. “Hey, relax. It’s just me. We don’t have to have it all planned out, all right?”

Cas nodded, relaxing his shoulders. “You’re right. This is just a new experience for me. Nothing is really that different from last time, I suppose, but... yet it is.”

“Yeah, I get it. It would be easier, probably, if we could go out, but we can make this work.” A timer went off in the other room.

“Oh, that’s the lasagne. Hungry?”

“Always,” Dean said, grinning.

~~@~~

Over dinner on Friday night, Gabe started to seem nervous again. When Sam pressed him on it, he shook his head and said they’d talk about it later. When the meal was over, Gabe asked Sam back to his place. Sam agreed, but when they got inside, Sam warned Gabe that he had to leave early the next day.

“Dean invited me to lunch, but I want to see that exhibit first.”

Gabe nodded. “I have that thing myself, so that’s fine.”

“Oh, right. Um. Anyway, so what was with all the fidgeting at dinner?”

Gabe bit his lip and led Sam over to the couch. “Okay.” He blew out a breath. “Basically, I just wanted to know if you were still onboard the whole, uh, bondage thing.”

Sam didn’t understand his nervousness, but he was quick to put Gabe at ease. “If you’ve got restraints, we can do it right now,” Sam told him.

“Really?”

Sam nodded and shrugged.

“I, um, I guess if you want to meet me in the bedroom, I’ll go get them,” Gabe said.

So Sam followed Gabe up the stairs, heading for the master suite while Gabriel veered off to another doorway. Honestly, Sam wasn’t sure how he was going to feel about this. He had liked being ordered around, though. He thought he could enjoy a little powerlessness. And he trusted Gabe and cared for him. If his being vulnerable was what Gabe needed to know those feelings were real, then he’d make himself vulnerable.

Gabe came back in the room holding four pairs of red velvet restraints. They weren’t real handcuffs, but they would do the job. When he saw them, Sam felt a little frisson of excitement course through him. Maybe he could be into this in a big way.

They didn’t speak, but held eye contact as Gabe secured first one foot, then the other and then repeated the process with his hands. When Sam was bound spread eagle on the bed, he found that the anticipation of what was to come was making him aroused. Gabe noticed and licked his lips.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Sam,” he said softly as he drank in the view with obvious enjoyment. “Close your eyes for this next part, all right?”

Sam did as he was asked. He heard Gabe walking around the bedroom, heard a drawer open, but he had no idea what was in store for him. He jumped a little when something light and soft brushed his palm, but he kept his eyes closed. The something - a feather, he thought - ran from his palm down the sensitive skin on the underside of his forearm, across his elbow and then up to his armpit.

Gabe took the feather away for a moment and then it reappeared on his hip, brushing up toward his chest. It made him shiver this time and he could feel gooseflesh forming. When it ghosted over a nipple, he gasped and Gabe concentrated his efforts there for a little while.

Gabriel continued to tease him with the feather until he was a quivering mess. Once he was reduced to incoherent whining, Gabe put the feather away and replaced it with his mouth, soothing all the too light touches with a firm tongue or a nip of his teeth.

His erection had mostly been ignored, since the first few brushes against it with the feather. Once Gabe had mapped out the rest of him with his mouth, however, he went straight for Sam’s crotch. Since he still had his eyes closed, he never saw it coming. One minute he was lying there with lips on his knee and the next, his cock was encased in wet, velvety suction.

“Shit,” he gasped, struggling to sit up.

“Stay still,” Gabe commanded. “And don’t make any noise. You can open your eyes, though.”

Sam bit his lip so hard he worried about breaking the skin. He never realized how much he rolled his hips when he got head before - or maybe it was the restriction from it that made him want to so badly. He was used to trying to be quiet, what with growing up in a small house and then having roommates in college, but that didn’t meant it was easy.

Being able to see exactly what Gabe was doing made it all the harder, but it was especially difficult when Gabe kept breaking his rhythm to add something new to the mix. He would stroke over Sam’s balls or do something magical with his tongue or he’d reach down and lightly skim over Sam’s hole. It was all Sam could do not to cry out, buck up or try to break out of his restraints so that he could bury his fingers in Gabriel’s soft curls.

“Doing so good, baby,” Gabe said, sliding away from Sam’s aching cock now.

Sam wanted to beg now, but he stayed silent, watching Gabe climb up his body and come in for a kiss. Sam made a noise into Gabe’s mouth accidentally, earning him a tweak on the nipple and a muffled but stern “Quiet!” ordered into his lips.

Then, still kissing him, Gabe shifted and the next thing Sam knew, his cock was half buried in Gabriel’s slick hole. Apparently while Sam had his eyes closed, Gabe had been _prepping_ and if that wasn’t both incredibly hot and totally unfair, Sam didn’t know what was.  They'd gotten tested right after he broke up with Jody and he was really glad of that now.

Gabriel ended the kiss and sat up, grinning. “Okay, Sam-o, keep still, but you make all the noise you want. I know I will be.”

Gabriel’s pace was relentless, as if he’d teased too long and now they were racing to to finish in time. Sam couldn’t seem to catch his breath. All the sensation in his body seemed to be centered between his legs, where Gabriel was riding his cock like he was trying to catch a train.

“Fuck!” Sam cried out as Gabe reached back and cupped his balls.

“That’s what I’m doing,” Gabe panted. He shifted slightly and moaned. “Yeah, aw, hell yeah, that’s good. So good,” he said.

Sam felt his orgasm building. He longed to rock up into Gabe, but he was held fast by the restraints. “I’m close, Gabe. Really fucking close.”

Gabe reached down and started stroking himself, staring into Sam’s eyes as he did so. “Come with me, Sam,” he instructed.

Sam felt his balls draw tight and his pleasure did the same, like a spring compressing. Then he was coming, just as Gabe gave a breathy grunt. Gabe continued to rock up and down through both their orgasms, stroking himself and riding Sam until they were both too sensitive to keep going. Sam’s heart was thudding in his chest as Gabriel rolled off and collapsed next to him.

Sam wanted to protest the restraints, but he didn’t have the energy. Instead he just let himself float for a few minutes while they both caught their breath. Before he even had his breath back, though, Gabe was bouncing up off the bed and getting a wash cloth and the keys.

Gabe cleaned up Sam’s stomach and cock first, then moved to the head of the bed. “Sorry, Sam, I didn’t mean to leave you in them after. Brain kind of whited out, though,” Gabriel said with a grin as he unlocked the first set of cuffs.

“Yeah, same here. Fuck, that was intense. I didn’t know it would be like that.” His eyes tracked Gabe as he moved to the other wrist.

“So you liked it?” Gabriel asked with a sidelong glance.

“Ha! I loved it.” Sam blew out a tired breath. “Better than I ever expected.” He rubbed his wrists gently as Gabe made his way to the ankle restraints. “Did you get what you needed out of it?”

Gabriel’s hands paused and then he nodded. “I did, Sam-o. I feel like, after my thing tomorrow is finished, we might be all done with secrets.” He was looking at Sam, to make sure he understood.

Sam smiled. “I think that sounds really good, Gabe. I wanna get to know you. All the details, not just the broad strokes. Whenever you’re ready.”

Gabe nodded again. “Yeah. I want that too. For both of us. I wanna know you and I want you to know me.”

Sam held out his arms and Gabe crawled into them. They wrapped around each other easily, as if they’d always been meant to fit together. Sam smiled into Gabriel’s hair at the thought and kissed the top of his head.

“I love you, Gabriel Lokinose.”

“I love you back, Sam Winchester.” Sam felt his head shift up and he looked down to meet his gaze. “Is your brother going to try to kill me or anything? Now that we’re serious?”

Sam laughed. “No, I don’t think so. Actually, he’s happy for me.”

“Good,” Gabe murmured. “Wouldn’t wanna have to hire someone to fight him for me.” Sam felt Gabriel’s lips curl up against his chest, then his breathing evened out and he was asleep.

~~@~~

The next morning, Sam headed out and went to the museum. The exhibit wasn’t nearly as interesting with no one there to talk to about it. Still, Sam did enjoy himself until it was time to meet Dean for lunch. Dean had insisted on picking him up, since the place he wanted to eat was near the museum.

“Happy birthday, Sammy!” Dean called out with a grin when Sam got to the passenger window.

Sam smiled backed. “Thanks, Dean. Where are we going? Or is it a surprise?”

“A surprise, obviously. You’ll love it. It’s—oh, shoot.”

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked, brow furrowing.

“Ah, it’s nothing, except I forgot and left your present at the house. I really wanna give it to you before we eat. You mind if we swing by before we go to lunch?”

Sam didn’t think it made much sense to go back to Dean’s after Dean had come to meet him just because it was so close to the restaurant, but what the hell. He wasn’t starving and he really did wanna see what Dean got him. Dean gave really awesome presents, usually.

“Yeah, sure, man. That’s fine. It better be good, though,” he teased with a playful shove at his brother’s shoulder.

Dean snorted. “Dude, when do I ever not give good presents, huh?”

“When I was eight, you gave me a Barbie doll,” Sam said with a dead-eyed look. It really didn’t bother him because he knew his brother had had the best intentions.

“Yeah, well, I just wanted to make sure you’d get to see boobs at least once in your life,” Dean said.

Sam laughed. “You’re a jackass. You do remember it’s my birthday, right? Traditionally speaking, you should be nicer to me today.” Sam stuck out his tongue and Dean laughed.

When they got to his house, Dean asked Sam to come inside. “No reason for you to wait and open it in the car. May as well come in and get it, right?”

Sam shrugged and got out, following Dean until he stopped to do something to his shoe. “You okay?”

“Yeah, here, take the keys. I got a rock or something,” Dean said with a frown.

Sam took the keyring and walked up to the front door. He heard Dean coming up behind as he turned the key in the lock. When he opened the door, he thought he was going to swallow his own heart.

Every single person that he knew —including Gabe, the sneaky bastard— jumped out from behind Dean’s furniture and yelled “ _Surprise_!”

“Happy birthday, Sammy!” Dean called out, clapping him on the shoulder and grinning from ear to ear.

From the feel of it, his own grin might have been even bigger—though he seemed to have something in his eye.

~~@~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I barely hurt you at all! Oh, well. Next time, maybe xD Perhaps you can persuade me to take it easy on you... ♥


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the birthday party, Dean and Sam each spend time with their significant other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically smut, references to past smut, prelude to smut. And there's like, feels and junk. 
> 
> I am over the moon about my book coming out (see more info [here](http://jamiedeanwrites.tumblr.com)), but also my dog died today (of being very old), so I'm just all the emotions right now. All hugs in the comments section appreciated.

Dean thought Sam’s party went great. He made sure to let Charlie know he was proud of her, which for him meant he kissed her temple and said, “Not bad, kiddo. Maybe next year you can throw one of these for me, whaddya say?”

She’d rolled her eyes and shoved him away, huffing, but he saw the little smile that turned up the corners of her mouth. “It’s not a surprise party if you know about it, dummy,” she said, voice so full of scorn that nearby plants were dying.

He just laughed.

It was a little tricky, being around everyone he considered family and not being able to tell any of them about Jimmy/Cas. He felt a little as though one burden had been lifted from his shoulders, while another had been dropped on top of them. Still, he’d take this new burden. It was infinitely lighter.

Sam kept giving him looks, though. That wasn’t good. He did his best to make it seem as if he was hiding sadness, instead of happiness. He didn’t know what it said about him that the latter would have been more suspicious, even if he wasn’t supposed to be grieving right now.

After the party, he called Cas and invited him over to his place. Partially because he wanted to share all the stories from Sam’s birthday and partially because he just wanted to be near him. He didn’t know if that made him needy or greedy or some combination, but he’d spent too long wondering what had happened to Jimmy—and Cas had spent too much time all alone—for him to care too much. He was going to take every second of Cas’s company that he could get.

Dean could no more have stopped the smile that stretched across his face when Cas showed up than he could have stopped breathing. Being around the guy just made him happy. And as he sat there a little while later over dinner, listening to Cas tell some story about the Farmer’s Market he’d been to that morning, he realized that it was Cas—and not some memory of Jimmy—that was making him happy.

Cas’ eyes and face were lit up in amusement and he did look more like Jimmy when he was relaxed like this, but the story was pure Cas. The person Jimmy had become, that was who Dean was enjoying the company of. He’d gone looking for Jimmy, but he’d found Cas and he was grateful for it.

“What are you thinking?” Cas asked, peering at him from narrowed eyes. There was still the ghost of a smile on his face.

Dean thought that enjoying this for all that it was worth probably extended to being totally honest, so he said, “That I’m really glad you’re here. You, as you are. Not because you used to be something else.”

The power from Cas’ smile could have lit the whole city for a day. “Thank you, Dean. You don’t know what that means. And while we are on the subject, I’m glad to be here with you as you are too.” He reached out and squeezed Dean’s hand where it lay on the table. “Now, tell me more about Sam’s birthday. Did he like the book you got for him?”

“Oh, yeah. He completely geeked out over it. The dork,” he said with affection. “Going into that bookstore turned out to be a pretty good decision, all things considered.”

Cas smiled, then shook his head, eyes closed. “This is so strange, Dean.”

“Well, kind of, but I like it.”

“I like it too. It’s just... I never, ever expected to be here. It’s been over a decade. I assumed you had moved on, forgotten me. I expected, if I had ever tried to look you up, that I would find you married with a couple of kids. Happy.” He took a sip of his beer. “At best, I thought maybe you might think of me once in a while. I’d more or less made peace with it.”

Cas stared at the bottom of his beer where he spun it on the table. Then he looked up. “But you didn’t move on, any more than I did. I hate the sadness that must have caused you, even though it means you’re here now, with me.” He smiled softly. “And I’ll admit, I’ve been afraid that, once you realized I’m not really the person you knew anymore, you’d walk away again, disappointed.”

Dean nodded. “Well, I’m not going to. You’re different now, but... It’s like you used to be pecans.” Cas laughed. “No, hear me out. Like, I love pecans, okay? I can’t freaking get enough of ‘em. You put a bag in front of me and I’m gonna binge on the things till I’m sick, right?”

“You like pecans, Dean. I understand,” Cas said with obvious amusement.

“Yeah, well, you turn those pecans into a pie and suddenly, I’m in heaven. I love pecan pie more than... well, almost anything.” He reached out and took Cas’ hand, rubbing his pulse point slowly. “But I don’t wolf it down. I savor it. I want to taste every bit of it, real slow.”

Cas’ eyes darkened and his face grew more serious. “Am I pecan pie now, Dean?” he asked, voice low and breathy.

“Yeah, Cas,” Dean said. He stood up, tugging on Cas’ hand. “And I think I’m ready for dessert.”

He hadn’t really intended to seduce Cas, when he started talking about pecans and pecan pie, but once he’d thought about licking pecan pie filling and then thought of Cas as pie, well, his brain and body just kind of made the decision for him.

Cas didn’t seem to mind much. He was dragging Dean down for a kiss before he’d even stood up all the way. His hands slid over Dean’s head in a way that said he was searching for the longer strands Dean had had back then. Dean had no doubt that if his hair was longer, Cas’ hands would be fisted in it.

They kissed fervently for a few minutes before Dean pulled back. He took Cas’ hand again and started leading him toward the bedroom. He hesitated only a second in the doorway, thinking about what would happen if Cas had to leave him behind. Dean shrugged it off and kept moving forward, grabbing condoms and lube from the bedside drawer.

When he turned around, Cas was already half undressed, standing there in only jeans and bare feet. Dean drank him in, biting his lip as want crashed through him. He stepped up to Cas and started kissing his skin. He turned him around and pressed his lips to the back of his neck, his shoulders and between his shoulder blades.

“Gonna savor every bite, Cas,” he whispered as he slowly grazed his teeth against the side of Cas neck.

His hands slid over Cas’ chest and down the front of his jeans. He squeezed the hardness underneath and Cas moaned. Dean slid his hand up and down the denim-clad length a few times. Then he deftly opened the fly and started sliding the jeans down. He had to work them over that perfect ass and he stopped to admire the view. He wanted to bite it, so he did.

Then Cas was stepping out of his jeans and turning around, cock standing hard and proud in front of him. He yanked Dean’s shirt over his head while Dean kicked off his shoes. Then it was Cas taking Dean out of his jeans. When their cocks brushed against each other, Dean knew how he wanted this to go.

“I got tested this week, like we talked about,” he said, kissing Cas’ neck hungrily. “Did you?”

“Yes, I—fuck!” he exclaimed as Dean deliberately rubbed their heads together again.

“Good, then next time we won’t need these,” Dean said as he bent over to grab the condoms.

He rolled one on himself first and then Cas. “Lie back,” he told Cas. He climbed onto the bed after Cas and picked up the bottle of lubricant. He squeezed some into his hand and took both their cocks in his hand.

He rocked his hips forward and back slowly, never breaking contact with those amazing blue eyes. This was so different from the last time. This wasn’t a mad dash to the finish line. Dean wasn’t trying to hold back. He was taking everything he wanted and giving everything he had.

Cas rolled his hips up to match Dean’s rhythm, mouth parting in a pant. Dean felt sweat beading on his brow and then Cas’ hand was rising up to brush it away. Cas’ hand slid behind his head and pulled him down for a kiss. The kiss was slow and raw and unexpected. When Dean ended the kiss, there were tears on Cas’ cheeks.

“I’m so close, Dean,” Cas said, so Dean kissed him again.

Cas went completely still and then his hips bucked wildly against Dean, cock fucking up into Dean’s fist as he came. Dean allowed himself to get lost in Cas’ eyes as his own orgasm swept through him a few strokes later. He hastily removed both their condoms and then collapsed on the bed, dragging Cas over to lay against him.

He pressed a kiss to Cas’ temple. He glanced over at Cas and grinned. “Not as much savoring or biting as I intended, but still awesome.”

He kissed Cas’ temple again. Then he saw that Cas still had tears sliding down his cheeks and he pulled him closer.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Cas gave him a watery smile. “Nothing, Dean. I’m just so happy right now. You have no idea.”

“I think I have some idea, Cas. Been a lonely life for me too. Not as bad as for you maybe, but lonely enough.”

Cas nodded. “The first time I had sex after I went into the program... I thought something was wrong with me. It didn’t feel like it had the first time. I had an orgasm, but it didn’t feel any better than when I had one by myself.” He smiled ruefully. “After a couple more experiences, I realized it wasn’t me. It was them.”

Dean laughed. “What, they were all terrible in bed?”

“No, Dean,” Cas said, shaking his head without making eye contact. “They weren’t you.”

~~@~~

“I can’t believe my party was the big secret,” Sam said, shaking his head when he and Gabe got back to his house that Saturday evening. “I was so worried last week.” He smiled at Gabe to let him know things were fine now.

“You have no idea how worried I was, Sam-o! Although, I kinda figured you’d forgive me, once you saw me at the party,” he said with a smirk. Then he chewed his lip and sat down on the couch. “It wasn’t as weird as I expected, seeing Jody there. That guy Bobby seems all right. You said he was friends with your dad?”

“Bobby? He’s like an uncle to me and Dean. He was friends with Dad, yeah.” He scratched his head. “You want something to drink?” he asked, heading for the kitchen. “I’ve got that wine you like.”

“Is there a wine I _don’t_ like?” Gabriel asked with a laugh. “Sounds good.”

Sam grabbed two glasses, the bottle and the cork screw and headed back into the living room. “As for Jody, if she’s gonna be with Bobby, I’m going to see her around.” He popped the cork and started to pour/ “She and I were over the minute your text came in, if not before. And it was even more over when Bobby walked into the picture. She’s gone on him, or didn’t you notice?”

“Am I that obvious?” Gabe asked, accepting the glass Sam handed him.

“Your eyes have turned a rather ugly shade of green,” Sam said with a smile to soften the words. “For the record, I think it’s a little endearing that you’re worried, but in case you’ve forgotten, I’m in love you. I broke up with Jody for you. So you don’t need to worry about her or anyone else.” He sipped his own glass and put a hand on Gabe’s knee. “I don’t cheat, Gabe.”

Gabe nodded. “My, um... my dad cheated on my mom. It’s why we had to move in with relatives.”

Sam frowned. “Gabe, I’m sorry that happened. I promise, I’m not like that. I know that’s probably hard for you to—”

“No,” Gabriel said, shaking his head. “I believe you, Sam.” He downed the rest of his wine. “You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever met, you know.” He smiled and put his hand on Sam’s.

“Did they split up? Is that why you ended up in the, um, orphanage or whatever?” Sam held up his hands. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want, I just...” He trailed off, shrugging.

Gabe smiled and squeezed his hand. “I do want you to know everything about me, Sam-o, and I want to know everything about you. I’d tell you about how I ended up in the boys’ home right now, but I really don’t think your birthday is the appropriate time.”

Sam could tell there was a lot of pain behind Gabriel’s eyes, so he decided to lighten the mood. “Well, I think it’s the perfect time for you to tell me more about that porno you were in,” he said with a twitch of his lips.

Gabe snorted. “Oh, it is, huh?” He sighed, but he was smiling and seemed relieved. “All right. Well, I was young, I needed money, and I was willing to do whatever they asked. I was a prime candidate for a sleazy porn director looking to make a quick buck off an eager rookie.”

“That’s fascinating, Gabriel, but I wanna hear about you being naked on camera doing dirty stuff,” Sam said, primarily to make Gabe laugh.

He was successful. “Wow, you’re a bastard, as I think I’ve said?” He shook his head, amused. Then he started squirming and looking uncomfortable. “I could, uh, show you. If we went to my place.”

Sam was up and grabbing his house keys before Gabe had finished speaking. “What are you waiting for? We’ll take your car,” he said, trying to look as much like an eager puppy as possible.

“You’re lucky you’re so good looking, Sam-o. Very lucky,” Gabe said with a long-suffering sigh. “All right, let’s go. But you should drive. You didn’t chug a full glass of wine after eating nothing but appetizers for an hour.”

“Should I bring the rest of the bottle with us?”

“Nah, just cork it and put it in the fridge. It should be fine another day. Thought you were in a hurry?” Gabe asked with raised brows.

Sam was both excited and nervous on the trip over to Gabe’s. He thought it would be interesting to see, but he wasn’t sure how he’d feel about seeing Gabe with someone else. Technically, he’d seen him with Jody, but that was before things escalated.

Once they arrived, he expected Gabriel to stall, but he didn’t. “Come on, I’ve got a copy in the theater room. You can see my shame on the big screen,” he said with a rueful smile.

Sam hadn’t been in the theater before. It wasn’t huge, just a couple dozen seats, but they were plush and obviously expensive.

“It’s nice. Never been to a house with a theater room before,” he admitted.

“Yeah, well. Luxury and all that. It was either this or a cherub fountain and I love movies.” He winked, obviously kidding and Sam rolled his eyes. “All right, let me load it up. Take a seat anywhere.”

“Okay.” He chose a spot in the middle at the back and sat down, rubbing his knees.

“You nervous?” Gabe asked, one corner of his mouth upturned. He came to sit next to Sam and linked their hands together.

“Aren’t you?” Sam asked, wondering how they’d changed places. Gabe had definitely been squirming earlier.

“I was. Now, I don’t know. I’m kind of relieved to finally be showing somebody.” He smiled and tightened his grip on Sam’s hand. “And I’m glad it’s you.” He lifted the remote and pressed a button, dimming the lights. “You ready?”

“I think so,” Sam said.

To his surprise, for a low budget film, the quality wasn’t too bad. The music needed work, obviously, but the production quality was pretty good. The guy onscreen wasn’t great looking, but he had a decent build—and presumably a huge penis—that the directors evidently thought made up for his average looks. He was fully clothed and doing something at a desk when the camera pulled back.

_The doorbell rang and a voice called out “Room service!” The man stood up to answer it. And there was a young Gabe on the other side of the door, holding a room service tray._

_“Bring it inside,” the man said._

_“Yes, sir. Where would you like me to put it?” Gabe asked._ He was a better actor than Sam had expected.

_The man stepped close and put his hands on Gabe’s shoulders. “I’d rather put it in you,_ ” he said in what was probably supposed to be a seductive voice, but with his terrible acting skills sounded more like he’d swallowed wrong.

“As you can see, the acting in this is superb,” Gabe leaned over and whispered in Sam’s ear.

“It’s absolutely stellar,” Sam agreed. “You’re not bad, though.”

_The man and Gabriel were hastily undressing each other. They exchanged sloppy, exaggerated kisses and made their way to the large bed in the middle of the room._

Sam wanted to laugh at how over the top the kissing was, actually. It looked more like a comedy parody than something meant to be sexy. It was strange, but Sam enjoyed watching the Gabe on the screen being stripped and manhandled by the other actor. He genuinely seemed to be enjoying himself—and not just because he had a raging hard-on, either—and Sam was feeling a definite stirring below his waist as he watched.

“You were kinda hot back then too,” Sam leaned over to tell Gabe. Then he made eye contact. “Hotter now, though.” Then he turned his eyes back to the screen and jumped a little at what he saw. “Wow, he’s, uh, really opening you up there, Gabe.” He didn’t bother to whisper.

“Um. Yeah, I forgot to mention. There’s DP in this.”

Sam’s mouth worked, but his brain did not, so no words came out of it. He watched the screen with growing fascination. He had no idea some gay people even _did_ things like wear a strap-on on their dicks. Onscreen Gabe sure seemed to like it, though.

“Is that something you’d, um, want again?” Sam asked, hoping the answer was negative.

“Fuck no!” Gabe said with feeling. “I was sore for a week. It didn’t really feel better than a single dick, either. Not like I had twice the orgasm ‘cause I came on two cocks or anything.”

“Oh, thank God. I really don’t think I’d want to do that to you. You just, uh, appear to, um, you know, like it. I guess.” Why was this so awkward to talk about? They were literally watching porn together. Words shouldn’t be weirder.

“Well, that’s kind of what they paid me for, Sam-o.” Gabe looked shy again for the first time. “But you’re not, like, judging me for any of this?”

“What? Of course not. I’d never have the guts to do something like this, even if I was broke. But only because I’d be way too nervous. Not because I think it’s bad or anything.” He scratched his head. “Do we have to watch the rest? I think if I’m going to see you naked, I’d prefer it to be your current body.”

Gabe instantly flicked off the screen and raised the lights. “As luck would have it, I am naked under these clothes. Wanna go upstairs and hear my porn moans in person?”

Sam’s grin was feral. “I like your real ones just fine. And don’t worry. I intend to make you moan a lot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥ *schmoops all your faces*


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone starts talking about the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for hanging in there, everyone. I don't think we have long now. Maybe 2-3 more chapters, probably.
> 
>  
> 
> **Trigger Warnings **: Hover overthis text for warnings.****

After Cas made his confession that none of his lovers had ever made him feel the way that Dean had—physically or emotionally—Dean had kissed him till they were both dizzy. Then Dean made some confessions of his own.

“It took me months to accept you weren’t gonna call me. And then when I finally tried to call you and your phone was disconnected... I was so angry. I got a fake ID and I went to every bar that would let me in.” He rubbed his lip. “Had too much booze and too many one night stands. Up until I forget and left my ID in my pants the one time Dad decided to do laundry,” he said with a smile.

“He must have been furious,” Cas said.

“Oh, he was. Cop’s son with a fake ID? Bad news. And he knew about you too, though I don’t know how. Told me if he ever caught me with a guy....” Dean laughed bitterly. “Well, let’s just say he wasn’t planning on taking us to a pride parade.”

“Oh, Dean, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, well. I tried to drown my memories of you in booze and bodies, but it didn’t work. I didn’t try to sneak out anymore after I got busted. Eventually, I calmed down and started actually dating people again, but I never let anyone get really close. I couldn’t. The dreams wouldn’t let me.”

He reached out and rubbed Cas’ hipbone, needing to remind himself that he was really here with him. “I didn’t understand why I couldn’t let it go, you know? You weren’t coming back, it was over... but my mind just wouldn’t stop reminding me. It never faded because the dreams just kept it so fucking fresh in my mind.”

“You never went to a therapist or talked to anyone?” Cas asked.

Dean smiled softly. He shook his head, staring down at the sheets between them. “No.”

“Because you don’t trust therapists,” Cas said, not really asking.

Dean sighed. “Because they would’ve shown me how to make the dreams go away.” He looked up at Cas then. “And as bad as they hurt, I guess I was afraid losing the dreams would have been like losing you all over again.”

“Oh, Dean,” Cas said sympathetically. “And here I thought I hung on too long myself. I couldn’t get close to anyone, out of necessity, mostly, but I really didn’t want to. Sometimes in the early days, I’d imagine you were there with me. You’d tell me it was an adventure and I should enjoy it.” The corner of his mouth crooked up in a tiny hint of a smile. “You were basically my imaginary friend for a long time.”

Dean slid the hand off Cas’ hipbone and up to his waist, stroking his skin soothingly. Cas rolled back and stared up at the ceiling, laying the back of his hand on his forehead and dislodging Dean’s touch. He reached over and grabbed Dean’s hand instead.

“I never tried to drown your memory, not really. I held onto it. Imaginary!you got me through a lot of rough days.” He sighed, long and low. “There were so many times that I felt like just giving up. I didn’t have anything that felt like it was worth living for.” Cas glanced at him. “But you were the voice in my head telling me to hang on. So I went to school, got my degree, became a proofreader... Still, the daydreams that got me through were the ones where I imagined seeing you again.”

“Looks like neither of us ever really let go,” Dean said quietly.

“No.” Cas rolled to face him again. “Dean, what we had was so... unexpected. Unlikely. I didn’t get along with people then and I don’t now. You and your brother were the only ones who really ever made sense to me and made me feel like I made sense.”

“Yeah, when you walked into class that day... Man, it wasn’t like anything that had ever happened to me before and it never has again. There may as well have been sparks flying off you, as much electricity as there was in the air when you walked in. It was like the universe was yelling at me to pay attention.”

“I think I was in love with you back then by then end of class,” Cas told him with a laugh.

“Yeah, well, I don’t even think you’d sat down yet by the time I fell for you.” Dean groaned in frustration. “And I don’t even know why I didn’t act on it right away. I mean it took, what? Six months for us to finally kiss?”

“Yes. But it wasn’t like we took it slow once we kissed.”

“No, we had our first kiss and first time on the same day, I know, but, fuck... all that wasted time.” He ran a hand through his hair, scratching at his scalp. “I used to think about that a lot when you were gone. How much time we pissed away, when we could have been together.”

“I thought about it too. I hated myself every time I thought about how I’d let fear keep me from all those days we could’ve had together.” He rolled onto his back again. “Am I really so different now?” he asked quietly.

“I can still see the old you in there sometimes, but yeah, you’re pretty different. Better different.” Dean smiled. “Like Iron Man 3.0. Same basic concept and design as the original, just improved and enhanced.”

“I will take your word for that.”

“Come on, you had to have seen the Iron Man movies, right?” Dean asked.

“Do I strike you as someone who frequently goes out to the movies, Dean?” Cas asked with a small glare.

“Wow, your time in Witness Protection is even sadder than I thought,” Dean teased.

Cas slid closer to Dean and stroked his hand over his hip and ass. “How about you show me what I’ve missed?” he asked in a low voice.

When he ran a finger down Dean’s less-placid-by-the-minute penis, Dean knew Cas wasn’t talking about the movies anymore.

“Well, you missed having me inside you,” Dean whispered along Cas’ jaw. “How about we start there?”

~~@~~

They spent all day Sunday together and then Dean asked Cas to stay Sunday night. Since Cas worked from home, he didn’t have to have work clothes or anything, but Dean was pretty sure he’d have stayed, anyway. They shared a goodbye kiss on Monday morning when Cas left for home and Dean left for work. By the time Dean got to the office, he was practically skipping—in the manliest way possible, of course.

He hadn’t realized how much he was smiling until he got to the front desk and saw Sam and Garth. Garth beamed at him even more than usual, but Sam gave him a bemused smile.

“Uh, hey, Dean. Good weekend I guess?” Sam asked.

“Hey, boss! Looks like somebody got some this weekend besides me, huh?” Garth said with a grin.

Dean laughed at Garth and rolled his eyes at them both. “Can’t a guy just be in a good mood without the third degree?”

“Sure a guy can, Dean. Unless that guy is my has-spent-the-last-two-weeks-moping older brother. Come on, what gives? Who are they?” Sam asked, refusing to give up.

Dean sighed and prepared to spew out the lie he and Cas had agreed on, if it came up. “Yes, okay? I did pick up someone and we had really, really phenomenal sex last night—” He grinned at Sam’s disgusted face “—and that’s the end of the story, so get back to work,” he said, trying to sound gruff. To be honest, there was little that could kill his mood at the moment.

Garth grinned and started typing on his computer, with every show of following Dean’s instruction, but Sam just stood there with raised eyebrows.

“Oh, what, Sammy? Come on,” he said, walking away toward his office.

When he got back to his office, he sat down in his chair and looked up to see that Sam had followed him.

“You know, Sam, that wasn’t an invitation. That was a ‘Come on, what more do you want?’ Not a ‘Come on, please let’s continue this ridiculous conversation in my office, you giant mooseface.’”

Sam smirked. “Dean. I’m your brother. I know when you’re bullshitting me. I know your just got laid face,” he said with that same expression of distaste. “And that’s not it. That,” he said pointing at Dean’s head, “Is the face you make when you really like someone.” When Dean continued to stare at him impassively, he said, “And you liking someone doesn’t happen very damned often, so sue me, I’m curious.”

“Dude, it was just one night, all right? It’s not serious.”

Sam’s eyes narrowed. “So this was someone different from the person you had plans with last week,” he said, clearly skeptical.

“Huh? What plans last week?” Dean asked.

“The plans you said you had last week when I asked if you wanted to hang out.” Sam squinted even more. “Were you just blowing me off?”

“What? No! I did have plans. With someone else. Not the same someone,” Dean said, hoping he sounded more honest than he was actually being.

“Uh-huh. You do realize I’m the best investigator in this office and I can totally find out what I want to know, even if you won’t tell me, right?” Sam said, looking smug.

Dean snorted. “Dude, you’re the  _third_  best investigator in this office.” He rolled his eyes. “Anyway, how do you think you’re gonna find someone I’ve only seen one time, when you don’t know where I picked them up, or even if it was a girl or a guy?”

Sam looked annoyed, but then his face brightened. “I’ll just have to tail you until you see them again.”

Dean glared. “First of all, tailing is your weak point. Secondly, if you decide to start tailing me, you will stop  _being_  an investigator in this office, you got me?” He stared at Sam until he knew he was serious.

“So you admit there’s something you’re hiding from me!” Sam said, smirking triumphantly.

“No, I’m not hiding anything, but what I do is my business. We’re private fucking investigators. Keeping secrets is part of the job. What if I’m working a case and you bungle it up by following me, huh?”

“Dean, we don’t keep personal secrets like this and you know it! If you’re seeing someone, I wanna meet them. Have you even done a background check on them?”

Dean felt his jaw drop as he stared at his brother. Then he closed his mouth and stared, eyes flat and hard. “Sam, for the last time, drop it. I am not seeing anyone. If I were, you know damn well I’m not stupid enough to skip checking them out first.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “Now could you please get the fuck out of my office, so I can get some damn work done?”

Dean was wrong about how easy it was to kill his good mood. As his brother first glared then spun around and stormed out, Dean reflected that he had to get a better poker face fast. Cas’ life was at stake if he didn’t. He couldn’t risk that. He knew if it seemed like he was seeing someone and wasn’t letting Sam meet the person, Sam could and would start digging. He couldn’t have that.

“Fuck!” he whispered emphatically at his computer monitor.

There was a quick knock on the door and then Charlie was peeking her head inside. “Hey, Dean. You got a minute to talk about the Skalaro case?”

Dean nodded and waved her inside, trying to regain his good mood.

~~@~~

Later that night, he was lying on the couch on his back. Cas lay on top of him, so that they were chest to chest. They had their arms wrapped around each other loosely. The top of Cas’ head came just below Dean’s chin, so he could easily bend down and kiss it. Aside from a few random kisses like that and absent strokes of each others’ backs, they didn’t move or speak for a long time.

They were fully dressed and, aside from a few lazy kisses when Cas had first arrived, there had been nothing remotely sexual in their touches. They’d had a weekend filled with sex, and they were both tired and willing to just enjoy each others’ company. The attraction was there, humming just below the surface, but it wasn’t a full-fledged hunger at the moment.

Cas pressed a kiss to Dean’s chest and Dean pressed another to his forehead, then sighed. “If you’re going to keep staying over on school nights, I’m gonna have to up my poker face game.”

“Oh?” Cas asked with a small laugh. “And why is that?”

“I guess I looked too happy when I came in this morning. So Sam is pretty sure I’m seeing somebody. And he’s like a dog with a bone, doesn’t want to let it go. So I gotta be careful.”

Cas frowned, looking up in concern. “I thought you said he understood having to keep secrets?”

“Well, apparently I underestimated how worried he’s been about me lately. Still, I talked to him about secrets being part of the job, so hopefully if I stop acting like I’ve got a hot boyfriend,” he said with a grin, “he’ll drop it.”

Cas smiled back, but he still looked worried. He chewed his lip, obviously deep in thought. After a minute, he said, “If it comes down to it, I think....” He stopped and shook his head. “Hopefully, he’ll drop it, like you said. Just let me know if he pushes, all right? We’ll discuss it then.”

Dean frowned, but agreed. He might have asked questions, but evidently, Cas was a little hungrier than Dean had realized. Cas started kissing his way up Dean’s neck and across his jaw to his mouth. It didn’t take Dean long to get on board and Cas, from his superior leverage point, had the clear advantage, since he was able to roll his hips and grind down against Dean as soon as they were both hard. Not that Dean considered complaining.

~~@~~

“He’s an idiot,” Sam told Gabe later that night at dinner. “I can’t believe he thinks I’m that stupid. Doesn’t he realize how well I know him? And the bigger question is why? Why is he hiding it?”

“Because he’s a grown man with his own private life that’s none of your business?” Gabe asked gently.

Sam, who had been puffed up with anger, deflated instantly. “You’re right. It’s just... after the luck he’s had....”

“You’re worried about him, Sam-o, and that’s normal, but... You gotta let him live his life. You don’t want him nosing around me, do you?” Gabe asked reasonably, as he poured them some wine.

“No.” Sam sighed. “Do you ever have problems like this with your siblings?”

Gabe’s hand stilled. “I haven’t seen any of my siblings since I was sent to live with my cousin. So no.”

“Oh, wow, Gabriel, I’m sorry, I had no idea. I knew you all got separated, but I just assumed you’d kept in touch.”

Gabe shook his head. He dished them each out a plate of spaghetti and added a slice of garlic bread to the side. “Eat,” he said, nodding. “If you want to hear my history, I can go ahead and tell you now, but it’s a long, unpleasant one, okay? You should be prepared for that, going in.”

“Yeah, Gabe, of course I wanna know.”

“Okay, um... all right, I told you my dad cheated on my mom. Uh, what I didn’t say was that my mom was unstable.” He forked up a bite of spaghetti and Sam could tell he didn’t want to eat it, but he did, anyway. “When Dad cheated, she had some kind of mental breakdown.” He ate another bite and waved his fork around as he finished. “Now, most of this I only know from listening at doors at my cousin’s house, so I don’t know all the details.”

“How old were you?”

“I was about eight. I had one younger brother who was about three, one older sister who was twelve and one older brother who was fifteen.” He sighed, sipping his wine. “Again, I don’t know all the details, but from what I understand my mother became so erratic that my father took my younger brother—he was the only one who stayed with them—and moved out. My mom was distraught and she killed herself.”

“Oh, my God, Gabe! I’m so sorry!” Sam said, feeling awful for having brought up the subject.

“It’s... well, no, it isn’t fine, but I’ve learned to cope with it. Anyway, my cousin was worried that the crazy ran in the blood line, so he tried to get my dad to take me back, but Dad was barely holding it together as it was, from what I’ve pieced together. So off to the boys’ home I went.” He finished his wine and took the hand that Sam offered.

He smiled slightly. “But that part is a story for another day. When I finally accepted that no one was coming to find me, I changed my name so they couldn’t anymore.” His smile was sad. “I do wish I knew what happened to my little brother. The others could have written me back and they didn’t, but the little guy, he could barely talk. He was such a shy little thing.”

Sam smiled. “Shame you don’t know a private investigator who could look into that for you,” he teased.

Gabe’s face brightened. “Oh, yeah, I could put you to work on that, huh? Since I’ve got you on retainer and all.”

Sam made a face. “Dude, I wouldn’t charge you for that,” he protested.

“Sam-o, I appreciate the gesture, but hiring your company was the reason we met. I’m not going to take advantage of that.”

“Gabe, it’s not taking advantage to let me do that for you, if I offered.”

“There’s plenty of other things you can do for me, Sam-o,” Gabe said with a lascivious wink. “But when it comes to saving money, that’s not a thing I need. So let’s save the favors for more important things.” Then he grew more serious. “And anyway, let’s hold off on it for right now. Not sure I’m quite ready, okay?”

“Yeah, sure, Gabe. Whenever you are, just let me know and I’ll take care of it.” Then he smiled and leaned closer. “Now about those other things I can do for you... Got anything in particular in mind?”

“Oh, I’m sure I can come up with something,” Gabe said breathily. “Why don’t you kiss me while I decide?”

Sam thought that sounded like a great idea. He couldn’t imagine ever being tired of kissing Gabe. He didn’t kiss like anyone Sam had ever been with before. He had an actual technique and drove Sam crazy. It wasn’t long until he had to pull away, panting.

“Want to take this upstairs?” he asked.

“Too far. Let’s go into the meditation room. You’re gonna love the reclining chair,” Gabe assured him.

“Who’s topping this time?” Sam asked as he hoisted Gabe onto his hips and starting walking where Gabe directed.

“Wanna ride you, Sam. That okay?” Gabe asked, nibbling at Sam’s neck and leaving a hot, wet, tingly trail in his wake.

“Don’t care as long as it’s soon,” Sam replied.

“Why was it I was trying to take it slow again? I was an idiot,” Gabe said in between tastes of Sam’s skin.

“Same reason I was dumb enough to let you go slow,” Sam said as leaned Gabe up against the wall long enough to open the door of the meditation room.

In the center of the space, there was an armless reclining chair. It was put together in short segments which appeared to bend both up and down. In other words, it could be molded into almost any position. It was also narrow enough that someone with very long legs could easily straddle it.

Sam thought Gabe was probably right. He had a good feeling he was going to love that chair.

~~@~~

Nine positions and two orgasms—each—later that evening, the two of them were lying side by side against one long edge of Gabriel’s enormous sunken tub. They were eating strawberries—”Potassium is important, Sam-o”—and drinking champagne—”And so is alcohol.”

Sam laughed as he finished his second glass of bubbly golden liquid. “If you had asked me to picture my life six months ago, nothing that happened tonight would have ever crossed my mind.”

“Yeah, I’m sure banging a dude in a bendy chair isn’t really on the bucket list for straight guys, huh?” Gabe said with a rueful smile.

Sam shook his head. “Well, no, but I meant any of it. Even if you were a woman, this still would have sounded crazy to me, if someone had suggested any of it.” Gabe looked confused, so Sam continued. “If somebody had said to me in December, ‘Hey, a few days after your next birthday, you’re gonna be in love, you gonna be having physics-defying sex as often as possible and you’re gonna be drinking champagne in a giant tub in a mini-mansion,’ I’d have told them they needed to lay off the hard stuff.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

Gabe looked worried, so Sam ran a hand down his cheek, across his shoulder and onto his arm, which he squeezed.

“No, Gabe. It’s not a bad thing at all.” He took Gabe’s glass and set it aside and then pulled both of Gabe’s hands into his. “It’s just nothing I imagined I’d ever get to have. Dean and I had it better than you, but we still had kind of a rough childhood.” One side of his mouth quirked up. “And yeah, I went to Stanford expecting to be a lawyer, but I wasn’t going to be some high-powered defense attorney, making the big bucks.” He sighed, looking into Gabriel’s clear brown eyes. He smiled, happy with where he’d ended up. “I’m saying this has all been an awesome surprise. I’m saying... I’m saying I’m really happy.” He dropped his gaze. “It scares me a little bit how much.”

Gabriel used Sam’s grip on his hands as leverage to maneuver himself into Sam’s lap. “Me too, Sam. Surprised, happy, scared, all of it. This is moving crazy fast, but I don’t want to slow down. I love you and this is the best I’ve ever felt in my life.” He laughed. “So naturally, I don’t trust it for a second.”

“Well, you can trust me, Gabe. I know that’s hard for you, but I’ll do my best to prove it to you.” Sam stared into Gabriel’s eyes, willing him to believe him, to see the truth of his words in his expression.

“You can trust me too, Sam. Guess we’ll have to prove it to each other.” He shivered and Sam didn’t think it was for effect. “You ready to get out? The water’s getting a little cool for my taste.”

They got out of the tub and Gabe told Sam to leave the dishes and few remaining pieces of fruit. “Do you have staff? It’s always so clean, but I never see anybody,” Sam said as they toweled off.

“I use a maid service. They come in every morning to clean and do laundry, and then they do my shopping once a week,” Gabriel said.

Sam nodded, wondering what it must be like to have people to do those things. He thought it must be pretty nice. He hated laundry. And dishes. And most other household chores.

They brushed their teeth standing side by side and got ready for bed. Neither of them opted for clothes. Sometimes Sam wore pajama pants, though more often he slept in just his boxers. When Gabe was around, though, he just preferred being naked next to him—and not just for sexual reasons.

When they were curled up together, Sam on his back and Gabe with his head tucked onto Sam’s shoulder, Gabe let out a heavy breath and Sam could feel him relax. He looked down to where he could just make out Gabe’s face in the dim glow of the hall light.

“I think I want you to look for my brother, Sam.”

“Yeah? You sure you’re ready?” Sam asked in some concern.

He felt Gabe’s nod against his arm. “I’m sure. I’m in the best place I’ve ever been in my life. If it goes badly, I have a good life to fall back on. If it goes well, then my life gets even better. It’s the right time.”

“All right. Well, then I need his name, his date of birth, your father’s name and their last known address.”

Sam was a little bit excited to be looking into Gabe’s past and hopefully helping him reconnect with his long lost brother. That all changed when Gabriel spoke again. Sam felt his blood turn to ice.

“Well, I’ll have to look up his birthday and their old address, but my brother’s name was James Novak.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This installment was a little dark. Here are some flashlights and teddy bears. Hugs available upon request. Limit 1000 hugs per reader, per comment. xo ♥


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe's revelation has repercussions for all four of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there are still 1-2 chapters left of this thing. Thanks to everyone who has been sticking with it so far. I'm sorry the posting hasn't been more consistent, but we're finally almost to the finish! Next up after this will probably be another drabble and then my 30k-ish entry in the [Ace Spn Minibang](http://acespnminibang.tumblr.com/), so be sure to check that out!

Dean was standing behind his desk, considering going for a donut run. He had skipped breakfast and he could really use some fuel to keep him awake. He had almost nothing on the docket for the day, so there was little to keep his brain occupied. He was doing his best to keep his mind off Cas because he could easily get lost down that road and he was trying not to get in too deep too fast.

He started walking toward the door, just as Sam burst around the corner, hair flying out behind him due to his speed. Dean stopped and frowned. Sam looked worried and possibly sad and that didn’t bode well for happy times ahead.

“What’s up, Sammy?”

“Um... I don’t even know how to explain all this,” he said, running a hand through his hair and momentarily slicking it back. He blew out a breath. “Without going into too much detail, Gabe was separated from his parents and siblings when he was a kid. They were all split apart. One of his brothers was really young when it happened. Like maybe three or so? So he had no way to contact him. He’s decided he wants to look for him now and he asked me to check into it.”

Dean frowned and shrugged. “Okay, so what’s the problem?”

“He told me his brother’s name.” Sam laughed, but there was a hysterical edge to it and not a lot of humor. “It’s James Novak.” Dean’s body broke out in gooseflesh. “He told me their dad’s name and I can’t remember if it’s the same as Jimmy’s or not, but, well, here,” Sam said, holding out a piece of paper.

It was the right name. It was the same James Novak. Time to lie to his brother one more time.

“Okay, look, Sam, don’t freak out, okay? I have to head out right now to do a surveillance job, but don’t say anything to Gabe till I get back. If he asks, say you’ve been busy and haven’t had a chance to look into it yet. Let me see if I can get any more information before you tell him anything, all right? I mean, that’s a hell of a coincidence, it could still be a different guy.”

Sam looked both lost and relieved. “Yeah, all right,” he said in a soft voice. “Let me know as soon as you find something okay?”

“Of course, man, I promise. I gotta go, all right?” Dean asked, clapping his brother on the arm and rushing out the door.

He headed straight for Cas’s house. He didn’t call on the drive over because he wanted time to think. He needed to figure out how to word what he needed to say to Cas. If Jimmy had been that young when he lost his brothers and sisters, he might not even know he had any. He’d certainly never mentioned them.

When he parked in the lot, he sent Cas a text, to let him know he was on the way up. He didn’t want to surprise him and possible scare him by showing up completely without warning.

Cas looked pleased to see him, but concern replaced his happiness once he got a good look at Dean’s expression. “Dean, what’s wrong?”

“Can we sit down?”

“Of course, come in,” Cas said, leading the way to his couch. “What is it? Is Sam all right?”

Dean let out a sigh. “Well, remember how I told you about his boyfriend?” Cas nodded. “Well, I don’t know the whole story, but apparently the guy had a big family, but they all got split up when they were kids.” Dean relayed almost everything Sam had told him.

“Why are you telling me this?” Cas asked.

“Because he wants to find his youngest brother.” Dean squeezed his eyes shut. “Jimmy Novak.”

All the color drained out of Cas’s face and his mouth formed a perfect, soundless “O.” “I have a brother? More than one, maybe?”

“Sounds that way. I don’t know the details, like I said, but he had your name, your dad’s name and your date of birth. It all matches,” Dean said.

Cas’s eyes widened. “Do you think this could be someone looking for me for some other reason?”

“I don’t know, Cas. Not for sure. But I don’t think it is. I can check it out. I should anyway, now that I know Lokinose’s real last name.” He put a hand on Cas’s shoulder. “If he really is your brother, what do you want to do?”

Cas had a look of intense concentration, chewing his lip and not responding for a long time. Then he squared his shoulders and looked Dean in the eye. “If he’s really my brother, we tell him the truth. If he’s not... I have to call my handlers and leave town.”

~~@~~

Dean was deep into his background search of Gabriel Lokinose an hour later when Sam walked back in his office. He hadn’t argued with Cas about leaving. He figured he’d have to cross that bridge when he came to it. He’d have decisions to make that he wasn’t ready for. He’d agreed to call Cas when he knew something for certain.

“You find anything?” Sam asked, nervousness radiating off him in waves.

Dean held up a finger as he waited for the latest records to load. He had found more records on Cas this time, since he was looking for James instead of Jimmy. Either the FBI had screwed up or James’s legal name had been changed to Jimmy at some point. Either one was possible. He had never known Jimmy as James, but that didn’t mean anything. He skimmed the records, but the answer was clear: Gabriel Lokinose was Jimmy Novak’s older brother. And he wasn’t the only older sibling Cas had, either.

“Actually, Sam, can you wait outside just a second? I gotta make a phone call.”

Sam frowned, but did as he was asked, closing the door behind him. Dean picked up the phone and called Cas. He told him everything he had found. It was a lot to process and it took Cas several minutes to stop freaking out and calm down enough to tell Dean anything coherent.

Finally Cas took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay, I think I know what I want to do, Dean. I’d like to come down there. Can Sam have Gabriel meet us? We’ll tell them both at once.”

“We’re telling Sam?” Dean asked, surprised.

“I don’t think there is any way around it. If he had kept pushing you for information about me, I was going to have you tell him, regardless.” He sighed. “I’m scared, Dean.”

“I know, Cas. Look, you can come straight into my office, get your head on straight and then you can see Sam by himself first. Then when you’re calmer, we’ll bring in Gabe. All right?”

Dean could hear the smile in Cas’s voice. “Yes, Dean. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Dean hung up and went to the door to get Sam first. “Look, I’ve got somebody coming in to talk to you about this thing. Do you think you can get Gabe down here?”

Sam frowned. “I can try. Dean, what’s going on? What did you find out? Do you know how he died?”

Dean closed his eyes. “I know a lot more than that, Sam. Can you just... let’s wait until my guy gets here, okay? I’ll tell you everything then. Get Gabe?” he asked again.

“Yeah, I’ll see if he’s free. What should I tell him, though?”

“Tell him to prepare himself for a shock,” Dean said sympathetically. “You should too,” he added before heading to Garth’s desk.

“Hey, Bossman, how’re things today?” Garth asked cheerily.

“Things are strange, Garth. Listen. Got a guy coming in. Six feet, blue eyes, dark hair. Bring him straight to my office, all right? His name’s Cas.”

“Will do, Dean. How soon should I expect him?”

“Maybe ten, fifteen minutes.”

It was actually closer to twenty and Dean was almost out of his mind by the time Garth brought Cas into his office. Dean could see the relief he felt mirrored in Cas’s eyes. He thanked and waved Garth off and the secretary closed the door behind him as he left. Then Dean pulled Cas in for a tight hug.

“How you doin’? You ready for this?”

Cas nodded. “I think so. Have you told Sam?”

“Well, no. I kind of thought it would be easier to just introduce you too and then explain,” Dean admitted.

“I suppose we’ll have to tread carefully, then.” He let out a shaky breath. “Bring him in, please.”

Dean picked up the phone and dialed Sam’s extension. “All right, Sam, can you come to my office?” Sam said yes and they both hung up.

Dean bit his thumbnail as he waited for Sam to walk across the hall. He watched Cas, who was sitting perfectly still, staring at the carpet with intense concentration it didn’t deserve. He was taking slow, even breaths, but he didn’t seem to be blinking.

“Cas?” Dean said. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Cas looked up at him and smiled a little. He held out a hand and Dean walked over and took it, sitting next to him. He didn’t know what was taking Sam so long, but at least it was giving them this moment together. For about two full minutes, they sat there holding hands. Dean could see that Cas was slowly relaxing. He briefly laid his head on Dean’s shoulder and then sat upright and let go of Dean’s hand, patting his knee.

“Thank you, Dean. I’m okay now, I think.”

Dean stood up to get a cup of water. He offered one to Cas, who accepted. As he was walking back with the cups, there was a knock at the door and then Sam strode in. He glanced at Cas and then to Dean before his eyes went wide and went back to Cas.

“Sam, this is Cas Milton.”

“But I think you’ve already realized that you used to know me as Jimmy. Hello, Sam.” Cas extended a hand and Sam lurched forward and pulled him into a hug.

“What the hell is going on?” Sam asked when he let go of a startled Cas.

“Long story short, witness protection,” Dean said. “His dad really did die, but Cas has been living here since not long after that.”

“How did you find him? How are you so calm about this?” Sam asked, then narrowed his eyes, staring at Dean intently. “You knew already, didn’t you? How long have you known?” He wasn’t angry, just confused.

Between them, Dean and Cas explained nearly everything—leaving out only the intimate details of their reunion. Sam slowly calmed down as they answered all his questions and he took in the facts at hand.

“Okay,” Sam said, standing up from where he’d finally taken a seat next to Cas. “I guess it’s time to bring Gabriel in.” He looked at Cas carefully. “Only if you’re ready.”

Cas nodded. “I think so.” He stood and put a hand on Sam’s arm. “If you plan to tell him before bringing him in, please make sure it’s in your office and not in a space where anyone else can listen.”

“I think I should tell him first, yeah. And don’t worry. I’ll be careful.” Sam started to turn away and then looked at Cas again. “I’m really glad you’re alive, man.” He glanced at Dean with an unreadable look and back at Cas before leaving the room.

“You ready for this?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. I used to have these dreams about brothers and sisters and a mother, but my father always told me they were just dreams. Now I wonder if they weren’t memories.”

“Maybe you’ll find out.”

“The more I know about my father, the less I like him,” Cas said sadly.

“Yeah, well, my old man wasn’t exactly a peach, either, Cas. Don’t feel too bad.”

Cas’s smile was rueful. “That’s not exactly a comfort, Dean.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, well, I’d kiss you, but it might get awkward when our brothers walk in.”

“I’ll risk it,” Cas said before pulling Dean to him. They kissed for a long, incredible moment, during which Dean forgot either of them had brothers or names. When Cas pulled away, he was grinning. “You were right, Dean. That was very comforting.”

~~@~~

Sam was shaking as he walked back to his office to talk to Gabe. He stood in front of his door for a full thirty seconds, trying to get his heartbeat and breathing under control. Gabriel might need him to be calm for this. He had to get it together. He shook himself, literally, then opened the door and stepped through.

“There you are, Sam-o. I was starting to worry. What the hell’s going on?” Gabe sounded annoyed, but Sam could tell by the look on his face that it was only to mask how nervous he was.

“Sit down and I’ll tell you.”

Gabe glared at him, but complied. Sam slowly explained the whole story, watching as Gabe’s face became increasingly shocked and then settled somewhere around “dumbfounded.” He stood up when Sam was finished and paced the office, running his hands back through his hair over and over as he walked.

“That’s insane, Sam! Wow, I don’t... He didn’t even know about us at all, did he?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

Gabe’s smile was vicious. “Man, I always knew my dad was kind of a bastard, but I had no idea he was enough of an asshole to get mixed up with criminals. What a piece of shit.” Then his face looked more lost than angry. “You said James’s name is Cas now?”

“Yeah. It was Jimmy when I knew him, but it’s Cas now.”

Gabe smiled softly. “Yeah, we used to call him Jimmy when he was little.”

“You ready to meet him?”

“As I’m ever going to be, I guess.”

Sam stepped over and pulled Gabe into a hug. Gabriel clutched at Sam tightly and tucked his face in Sam’s neck, inhaling deeply.

“Thanks, Sam-o. I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you back, Gabe. Now, come on. It’s going to be fine, I promise. Cas is great. You’re gonna like each other.”

Gabe smiled, looking reassured. “Lead on, my massive Adonis,” he teased, his sense of humor returning at last.

When they got to Dean’s office, Gabe stopped dead just inside the door, which Sam carefully closed. Gabriel and Cas just stood staring at each other. Cas warily and Gabe with something closer to shock.

“Oh my God,” Gabe whispered. “It’s actually you. You’ve still got that dark hair and those crazy blue eyes. Damn. I can’t even believe it. I never thought I’d actually recognize you, James.”

Cas frowned slightly. “I’m afraid I can’t say the same. I actually don’t even remember being called anything but Jimmy. Though now it’s Cas, of course. I never knew I had siblings, though I did have some hazy dreams as a child that I suspect might have been based in memories.” He bit his lip and stared at the floor. “Did I... did I have a pink stuffed bunny?” he asked hesitantly, looking up at Gabe again.

Sam thought for a second Gabe was going to cry. His eyes got glassy and then he gave Cas a watery smile. He nodded. Then he cleared his throat and sniffed hard.

“Uh, yeah, you called him Bing-bing.” Gabe laughed. “You lost him once and you made me carry you around all day until we finally found him.”

Cas’s eyes got a shocked, faraway look in them. He sat, heavily, against the edge of the desk. “You called me Jimmy-o,” he said, voice low and sounding younger than it had. “You said Bing-bing probably left because of someone’s smelly feet and then you tickled me until I stopped crying.”

Without warning, the two men stepped across the room toward each other and hugged fiercely. Both were not quite crying, but had tears in their eyes and red noses. Sam’s own eyes were not dry and he noticed a definite red tinge to Dean’s nose as well. Dean nodded toward the door and Sam stepped over to open it.

The Winchester brothers stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind them and giving the Novak brothers some privacy. Sam and Dean went into Sam’s office.

“Hell of a thing, huh?” Dean asked.

“Man, I’m still reeling over the fact that not only is Jimmy alive, but you’re apparently dating him,” Sam said. “I guess I get why you got so pissed at me when I said I was going to tail you.”

“Yeah. Cas almost didn’t want anything to do with me because he was scared of being found out, so I couldn’t let you do something that might risk you figuring out who he was.”

“So, what’s the status of his situation, anyway? I mean, are the guys in prison or what?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure Cas even knows.”

“It’s so weird, hearing you call him that. I guess you’ve had longer to adjust, but still... how often do you slip up?” Sam asked.

“Not as often as you’d think, really. I did a little at first, but... he’s not really the same. I mean, he is, but he’s not, you know? He’s like a new and improved version of Jimmy.” Dean shrugged. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Well, I’m happy for you, anyway.” Sam scratched his head. “Um, I could look into his case, if you want. I got a law school buddy who is in the Bureau. He might be able to get me some info on the case, without me mentioning Cas to him at all, if I know the other players in the whole thing.”

“Ask Cas what he wants to do, but I dunno. I mean, what would it help, Sam?”

“Well, we’d know if the guys were getting out of prison anytime soon or not, for one thing. And if their whole syndicate or whatever is still strong and likely to come after Cas if they got wind of him.”

Dean nodded, chewing his lips. “Yeah, all right. We’ll talk to him about it later, I guess. Should we go back and check on them now? Actually, lemme just send Cas a text.”

Dean pulled out his phone and Sam did the same. Sam sent Gabe a text asking him how it was going. He didn’t get an immediate reply, but Dean did.

“He says they want a few more minutes,” Dean said, checking his phone. “Man, Cas has had brothers and sisters all this time and never knew. He didn’t say whether he wanted to get in touch with the rest, but I’m not sure that’s safe.”

“From what Gabe said, I don’t think that’s an option. He’s not in contact with any of them by their choice, apparently.”

Dean made a face. “Man, I guess most of them took after their dad, huh? What happened to their mom? I mean, Jimmy never really knew what happened to her, just that she wasn’t in the picture anymore.”

Sam frowned and scratched the back of his hair nervously. It wasn’t really his story to tell, but Gabe hadn’t told him not to tell Dean. Still, he figured he’d leave out the details and just stick to the basic facts.

“She died when they were kids.”

Dean chewed his lip and nodded, thoughtfully. His phone rang, startling him. “Hey, Bobby, what’s up?” Dean listened for a second and then started nodding. “Yeah, he’s right here. I’ll put him on speaker.”

“Hey, Sam.”

“Hey, Bobby. How’s it going?”

“Oh, can’t complain. Listen, reason I’m calling is, I found some old stuff of your dad’s in my storage room. Mostly just junk, but there’s a box of papers and a few pictures. Y’all want me to bring ‘em by or you wanna come over for dinner this weekend and pick ‘em up?”

Dean grinned. “Well, I wouldn’t say no to your spaghetti, Bobby.”

“Yeah, dinner sounds good, Bobby. What day is good for you?” Sam asked.

“Sunday at five work for you boys?”

Dean gave Sam a questioning look and he nodded.

“Yeah, Bobby, that’s good for us,” Dean said.

“All right, boys. I better go. I’ll see you Sunday.”

He hung up without a goodbye and Sam’s phone beeped with a message.

**> You can come back now**

“Gabe says we can come back now,” Sam said, stepping toward the door.

Dean followed behind him and they walked into Dean’s office to find the Novak brothers sitting in Dean’s guest chairs exchanging phone numbers. It was obvious they’d both been crying and Sam wondered how much of the past Gabe and Cas had explained to each other.

“Hey,” Sam said as he and Dean neared them. “Big day, huh?”

“Huge day,” Gabe agreed, tossing Sam a soft smile. He turned back to Cas and pulled him into a hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow night?” he asked and Cas nodded. “Why don’t we talk in your office?” he asked, turning back to Sam.

Dean clapped Gabe on the shoulder as he walked past and Gabe smiled at him warmly. The last thing Sam saw before he left Dean’s office and went to his own was Cas and Dean embracing. He still couldn’t believe Dean had found Jimmy—Cas—and they were together again.

Once inside his office with Gabe, he closed the door. He was slightly surprised when he turned around and was yanked into a bear hug by Gabe. He wrapped his arms around Gabe and held on, since Gabe didn’t seem interested in letting go any time soon.

“Thank you for that, Sam. Thank Dean too. I didn’t....” Gabe started then stopped as his voice started breaking. “I didn’t even know how bad I wanted to see him until he was right there,” he said, voice high and tight.

“I’m glad you two found each other,” Sam said, stroking Gabe’s back gently.

“I’m glad he agreed to see me. I mean, all this time he’s been on the run? I can’t even—”

A knock on the door interrupted them and Dean popped his head in. “Hey, sorry to bust in, but, uh, Sam, if you wouldn’t mind looking into his case, Cas said he’d really appreciate it if you would.”

“Yeah, man, no problem. I’ll let you know what I find out.” Dean nodded and left again. “Did he tell you everything that happened?” Sam asked Gabe, returning to their previous conversation.

“Yeah. Fuck, Sam. I’ve been angry at my dad for so long, for so many things, but getting Jim— _Cas_ into all this, that’s just the worst.”

“He doesn’t sound like a great guy,” Sam agreed.

“Oh, what, just because he was a cheater who abandoned his wife and all but one of his kids and then got involved in illegal shit to make a buck, putting his only remaining child in danger and completely altering his life forever?” Gabe’s voice became faster and angrier until he was running out of breath at the end of his question.

“Hey, hey, come on, babe, just take a breath, all right?” Sam soothed. He really didn’t know what to say, but he did the best he could. “It’s all in the past now. You and Cas have each other and that really is what is important right now. Trust me, Gabe. I know from experience that hating a dead man doesn’t hurt him or help you.”

In a small, defeated voice, Gabe pleaded, “Kiss me till I forget, Sam-o. Please?” He tilted his head up and his eyes were damp and lost.

“I can try,” Sam told him, pressing a gentle peck to the corner of his mouth.

The next time, he seated his lips fully against Gabe’s. He pressed their lips together over and over until Gabe’s breath stopped being ragged. Then he finally deepened the kiss. They kissed until Sam’s work phone rang, startling them apart. Sam wasn’t sure if Gabe had forgotten his troubles, but their kissing had made Sam forget where he was.

“Come over tonight,” Gabe said as Sam put his caller on hold to say goodbye. “Come prepared to get naked,” he said with a return of his smirk.

“I love you,” Sam said. “Especially when you’re naked.”

“I feel the same way. I have a feeling we’re both gonna love each other a lot tonight,” Gabe said with a wink before walking out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7 more days till [the book](http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=6238) comes out! *internally screaming*  
> Say hello, my darlings. I've missed you. ♥


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More secrets from the past are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE! You're wonderful patient darlings for not complaining about it. Or maybe you're just bored and don't care anymore *cries for days* Anyway, I have only paltry excuses, like having to finish two fics for ace minibang and starting a gishwhes group and things like that. And that whole life thing. 
> 
> This is very much unbeta'd, so if anyone catches a typo (or 7), feel free to nicely tell me about it in the comments while you're there saying hi. Say hi, either way.

Dean tried to hold in his laugh when he saw Jody in Bobby’s kitchen. He ended up having to fake a cough and excuse himself to the restroom. Sam wasn’t even there yet, so he was afraid he’d have to do the same thing all over again once his brother arrived.

“All right, Bobby, what can I do to help with dinner?” he asked when he came out of the guest bath.

“Not a thing, Dean. Just grab us both a cold one out of the fridge and cop a squat,” Bobby said.

“Here, let me get ‘em,” Jody said, opening the ancient refrigerator and grabbing three beers.

She popped the tops and handed Bobby and Dean each one, then the three of them clinked in pairs. When Dean walked over to the table to take a seat, Jody followed him. She took the chair next to him and leaned close as soon as Bobby’s back was turned.

“You think this is gonna be cool with Sam? I thought it might be weird, but Bobby insisted,” she whispered.

Dean took a long pull off his beer. “Nah, Sam’s a stand up guy. He’ll be cool. It might be a little awkward, but nothing you two can’t work out.”

Jody side-eyed him. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you laughing your ass off when you walked in.”

Dean grinned. “Oh, that’s just because I’m an asshole and I enjoy watching my brother squirm.”

“Ha!” Jody laughed, slapping him on the back. “It’s good to know your faults, I guess.”

There was a knock at the door and Dean jumped up. “I’ll get it!”

“You idjit, it’s my house. Sit down,” Bobby admonished, looking at Dean as though he’d grown a third head. He yanked open the door and invited Sam in.

“Hey, Bobby! Good to see you. I brought this, in case you’re running low,” Sam said, handing Bobby a six-pack.

“Oh, shit!” Dean said. “I just remembered I brought you those candied nuts you like and I left them in the car. I’ll be right back. Sam, you remember Jody, right?” Dean couldn’t resist asking as a parting shot on his way out the door.

He snickered all the way out to the car at the deer-in-headlights look that Sam shot him. He grabbed the can of nuts and headed back in, trying to hide how amused he still was. Once he was back in the kitchen, he took the can and put it on the counter so Bobby could deal with it later. He saw Sam didn’t have a beer yet, so he grabbed him one out of the fridge.

“So you and Charlie are getting close?” Sam was asking when Dean got back to the table.

Sam was smiling, but he looked like he had a spider crawling on his face and was trying not to make any sudden movements. He gratefully took the beer Dean offered.

“Yeah, she’s a sweetheart. I got lucky there. Thanks again for talking sense into me, Dean,” Jody said, lifting her beer in his direction. Unlike Sam, Jody seemed completely at ease.

“No problem. Charlie’s good people. She deserves good things,” he said, sipping his own beer. He nearly spit it out when Jody spoke to Sam again.

“So how’s Gabe doing? He good?”

“Uh... he’s... yeah, he’s good. Um, we’re good,” Sam stammered, clutching at his beer and then chugging it.

Jody gave him a sweet smile. “I’m glad, Sam. Me and Bobby are good too,” she said with a nod at Bobby’s back.

Sam relaxed visibly. “Good. Happy to hear that.”

“See? This isn’t so bad, right?” she said, clinking her beer to his.

Dean laughed at the look on Sam’s face when she turned away. Sam still wasn’t nearly as comfortable as she was. Oh, well. He’d get there, Dean thought. For Bobby and Jody—and for his own sake.

They had a leisurely supper of home cooking staples and talked about nothing in particular. Dean learned quite a bit about Jody, all of which made him like her more. He liked the way she talked about Bobby and Charlie, as well as the way she talked to Sam, drawing him out of his awkward shell. He liked the way Bobby looked at her too. It made him happy to see Bobby so happy. He hadn’t seen that before and it was nice.

When dinner was over, they all sat around in the living room for a little while, finishing their latest beers and finishing up conversations. Dean was enjoying the company, but he had a feeling Bobby and Jody didn’t want them to monopolize the whole evening.

“So, you said you’ve got some of Dad’s stuff?” he asked.

“Yeah! It’s back this way,” Bobby said, getting up and walking toward the hallway.

Sam and Dean followed him to a room in the back of the house. When he clicked on the light, they could see boxes and relics of various descriptions piled high around the edges of the room. Front and center there was a box, a photo album and a few other items, like a service revolver in its holster.

“Now don’t ask me how I ended up with your dad’s gun. it was supposed to go to one of you boys, but it must have gotten mixed in with the stuff that got sent to me.” Bobby scratched his beard. “To be honest, I’m not real sure why I got any of it. Seems like he woulda changed his will, but I guess he never got around to it.”

“Well, I actually packed the gun myself,” Dean said, earning surprised looks from the other two men. He shrugged. “I didn’t want it. Sam didn’t need it. I figured it’d be safest with you.”

Bobby made a noncommittal sound in his throat and waved at the other things. “Anyway, all this stuff can leave with you two tonight or I can keep it for you or you can go through it and throw some of it away out back. Up to you.”

“You don’t mind if we take a look through it real quick?”

“Boy, didn’t I just say that?” Bobby said gruffly, but he ruffled Dean’s hair affectionately. “Just as well you didn’t keep the gun. You might be more deaf than you already are.”

Dean rolled his eyes and dropped down on his haunches to open the box. He wasn’t ready for the photo album just yet. He figured he and Sam should look at that together later, alone. He saw a few documents that might have been important once, like the registration for a car their dad had sold years before, but not much of important in the top few inches.

He had a pile of trash on the floor that almost reached his ankle when his heart began pounding in his chest. He reached forward with a shaky hand and picked up the envelope. It was addressed to him, but in the return address space there was only a name and no address. _Jimmy Novak_. The top of the envelope was torn where it had been opened.

Dean stood up slowly and excused himself, ignoring the concerned looks Bobby and Sam gave him. He took the letter to the bathroom, but did not open it. He wouldn’t read it here, no matter how anxious he was to see what it said. He just needed a minute. Jimmy’s handler hadn’t been the one to lie. It had been John Winchester. The letter had come and John had taken it, read, and kept it from Dean. Why he’d kept it, Dean had no idea.

When he had himself under control, he slid the letter into his back pocket and returned to the storage room. Bobby was looking on while Sam sifted through the rest of the items in the box, most of them going onto the trash pile Dean had started.

“Everything okay?” Sam asked, not looking up.

Dean chewed his lip for only a moment before speaking. “It was a letter from Jimmy. Dad opened it and hid it from me.” He rubbed the side of his head, thinking. “I wanna keep the photo album, but unless Sam wants the rest of it, it can all be tossed, as far as I’m concerned. Or sell it and buy yourself some new old books or something.”

Sam and Bobby didn’t judge or try to argue. Sam said, “I think I’d like to keep the gun, but the rest of it I don’t care about.”

Bobby sighed. “Boys, I tried not to say anything too negative about your old man because he was my friend and I loved him, but... the man he turned into after your mom... that wasn’t the man I knew earlier on. I wish you’d known him the way he used to be.”

“Me too, Bobby,” Dean said and was surprised how little bitterness he felt as he said it.

He felt like he’d finally laid something to rest, when he saw Jimmy’s letter. Like he could honestly stop wishing he’d ever managed to get his old man’s approval—because his approval wasn’t worth much, was it?

“Thanks for keeping this stuff for us, Bobby,” Sam said, rising from the floor with the album and the holster.

“Yeah, thanks, man. For everything,” Dean said pointedly. He walked over and gave Bobby a hug. “We got you out of the deal, anyway, so I reckon that’s an okay trade,” he said and meant it.

Bobby looked flustered but pleased. Sam hugged him too.

“You want us to throw it all out back, Bobby?” Sam asked, changing the subject.

“Nah, that’ll give me something to do tomorrow on my day off. You boys wanna take some leftovers?”

They wound their visit down to a close and Sam and Dean bid their goodbyes to Bobby and Jody before heading out. Out at the cars, Sam walked over to Dean’s instead of his own.

“You wanna take the photo album with you?”

“I was thinking we should look at it together, but to be honest, this letter in my pocket is the only thing I can think about right now. You wanna bring it to work tomorrow and we’ll look at it at lunch?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, sounds good. See you then.”

Sam looked like he might say more, but then he just hugged Dean tight and pressed a quick kiss to the side of his head. He walked away quickly, before Dean could react.

“Love you, bro,” Dean called out as Sam started to slide into his car.

Sam smiled, though his eyes were glassy. “Love you too, Dean.”

The ride home was long. It was all Dean could do not to pull to the side of the road and read the letter. He was so focused on the letter he didn’t even have room to be angry at his father. He just wanted to know what Jimmy had tried to tell him all those years ago. He hadn’t asked Cas what the letter said because he’d been afraid, but now he wanted to know more than anything.

Once he finally made it home, he parked badly and rushed inside as quickly as he could. He wanted to rip open the envelope as soon as he had the door closed, but he forced himself to wait, laying it on the kitchen table. He went to the cabinet and poured himself two fingers of whiskey in a tumbler before sitting down in front of the letter.

He took a long sip of the whiskey, grimacing as it burned its way down his throat. Then he pulled the envelope toward him. Pulling apart the opening, he stared for a long time at the folded piece of paper inside. He took a deep breath and pulled out the letter with an unsteady hand.

_My dearest Dean,_

_I am sorry I haven’t been able to call you as I promised. I know you’re probably scared and confused and hurt, but it was not my choice. Unfortunately, the news I have for you now is not good and it breaks my heart to write this, knowing that you’ll have been so excited to get this, only to be hurt once you’ve read it. You don’t know what I’d give to spare you this pain._

_Dean, I love you more than you will ever know. Before you I had no one and with you, I felt like I had everything. It hurts so much to love you like this, but I don’t regret a moment of our time, even though I write this with the knowledge that I will never see you again. I don’t even have a picture of you anymore. I’ve lost everything._

_Don’t look for me, please. I can’t explain why I have to go and I can’t ever come back. Just know that I love you more than anything else. Tell Sam I’ll miss him too. He was the best friend I ever had, next to you—though you were never really just a friend._

_Please take care of yourself, Dean. Try not to hate me. I wish things were different. You’ll be in my heart always._

_Love,_

_Jimmy_

Dean ran to his car and drove to Cas’s house. Cas was surprised and looked concerned, but he stepped aside to let him in without comment. As soon as the door was closed behind him, Dean pulled him close and kissed him with everything that he had.

“I love you, Cas. Please don’t ever leave me again,” he whispered before diving back into the kiss.

~~@~~

It figured that Gabriel would have to be out of town on a business trip when Sam finally got a break in his alimony case. He had had to leave unexpectedly on Monday morning, so they didn’t even get to say a goodbye.

Still, Sam was happy to get the incriminating pictures to go along with the eyewitness testimony he’d already gotten from a couple of witnesses. He had enough evidence to prove Gabe’s ex-wife had a new lover and was violating her agreement. They could prove the couple had been together for at least six months, which meant not only could Gabriel stop paying, but his ex owed him the money he’d paid for the whole time they’d been together.

He had not heard back yet from his friend at the bureau about Cas’s case. Sam hoped he could get some good news there. He knew how much Dean needed this, but he was pretty damn sure Cas needed it just as badly, if not more. That guy had been through the ringer. Maybe not as much as Gabriel had, but it was close—not that it was a competition, anyway.

He had just sent the email about the latest surveillance videos to his contact at Gabe’s office when Dean knocked on the door and stepped in.

“Hey, man, we still on for lunch?”

“Yeah, I ordered the pizza. It should be here in another few minutes.” He turned off his monitor and got up. “Wanna do it in your office, since it’s got the table?”

“Sounds good,” Dean said.

Back across the hall, Dean kept chewing his thumbnail as they waited for Garth to let them know the pizza had arrived. They had agreed to wait until they’d eaten to look at the album. Sam didn’t think that was the source of Dean’s distress, however.

“What’s up with you, man?”

“I’m thinking about asking Cas to move in with me,” Dean blurted.

Sam’s eyes and mouth got round. “Um. Oh. That’s... fast. Well, I mean, I guess not really. I just... Wow.”

“You think it’s a terrible idea,” Dean said, panic rising in his voice.

“No! Dean, you just shocked me, is all. From what I can tell, you and Cas are as good together now as you ever were. You deserve to be happy and if Cas makes you happy, then grab onto that,” Sam told him sincerely.

“He told me to tell you he’d miss you. In his letter from high school. He mentioned you in it. He said to tell you were his best friend next to me and that he’d miss you.” Dean scrubbed his hands over his face, reddening it. “I can’t believe Dad kept it from me. All that time, wondering what the hell had happened and Dad could have answered the question for me.”

“I’m sorry, Dean. It sucks he did that. It wasn’t right.” Sam bit his lip and then licked it, trying to find the right words. “Dean, what if, um... what if Cas has to relocate?”

Dean didn’t hesitate even a fraction of a second. “I’m going with him, Sam.” He flinched at Sam’s look of surprise and hurt. “We, uh, we talked about it last night. We’ve lost too much time as it is. I love him, Sam. I won’t lose him again.”

“No, I... I get it, I just... if that happens, man, I don’t... I’ll miss the hell out of you is what I’m saying,” Sam said with a sad smile.

Dean’s eyes were glassy and his voice was thick when he said, “I know, Sammy. Me too. You know I love you, right? But I gotta do this, if it comes down to it. I gotta be with him this time.”

Sam nodded. Before he could speak, Garth knocked and announced there was pizza before walking into the office. The brothers offered the secretary a slice, but he declined and left. They tabled their discussion by unspoken agreement, until they had filled their bellies with enough starch and cheese. It was mostly vegetables, toppings-wise, but Sam barely tasted it.

“So, how about you and Gabe?” Dean asked in the middle of his third slice of pizza. “Things good there?”

Sam’s good mood returned instantly at the thought of Gabe. “Yeah, things are really good there. I mean, I don’t think we’re moving in together any time soon, but we seen each other almost every night.”

Dean nodded as he chewed. “I’m glad, Sammy.” Then he cleared his throat and wiped his hands. “You ready to look at this thing?”

Sam said he was, tossing his slice back onto the plate half-finished. He pushed the food out of the way as Dean pulled the pale blue book over between them on the table. Sam felt a nervous anticipation coursing through him. He wasn’t even sure why. He’d never been much on family nostalgia. That was much more Dean’s thing. Still, he couldn’t deny he was feeling a little excited to see what was between the pages.

When they finally got a look at the pictures, Sam didn’t feel much of a connection. At least, not until he saw two pictures side by side. In one, his mother was holding him and Dean at the same time. Dean was holding onto his tiny hand with his own and it suddenly hit him that his brother had been looking out for him since forever. The next image was Dean in their mother’s lap, and this time, _he_ was holding Sam.

It warmed Sam through, touching him even more than the previous one. Dean looked so damned _happy_ to be holding his little brother. A lot of kids, they’d have been jealous. Not Dean. He looked at Sam like his mom had just said he could have pie every night for dinner.

“You were a cute baby, but you had nothing on me. I was stone cold fox, even as a toddler.” Dean winked and made a clicking noise with the side of his mouth.

Sam rolled his eyes. “You’re the weirdest person I know, Dean. And keep in mind, I’m dating Gabriel.”

“Jealous.”

The rest of the album was just random shots, many of which were blurry. After a picture of Sam sitting up with his mother’s hands around his waist, the images stopped. Sam was worried about how Dean would react. In their earlier years, reminders of their mother could send him into a tailspin, but Sam thought Dean was probably beyond that now.

“Good pictures,” Dean said, decisively, closing the book. “You want any more of this pizza?”

“No, I’m good.”

“Well, listen, um, Cas said he would like you to look into his case. He’s not sure there’s a lot you can do, but he’d like to know one way or the other.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Sam said, not bothering to mention he’d already contacted his friend at the FBI.

He had been back in his office for a couple of hours when he got the call from his bureau contact. He’d been doing paperwork when the phone rang, but he set it aside and picked up the receiver.

“Sam Winchester,” he said into the headset.

“Hey, Sam, it’s Brady.”

Sam instantly perked up. “Oh, hey! Thanks for getting back to me, man.”

“Sure thing. Um, I’m kinda confused as to why you’re looking into a closed case. I’ll tell you what you wanna know, but you gotta be straight with me. This isn’t about anything you’re working on, is it?” Brady’s tone said he already knew the answer.

Sam let out a breath. “No. But how did you guess?”

Brady laughed. “’Cause they’re all dead, Sam. All the players in this little drama are in the ground.” Sam could hear shuffling papers and then key strokes. “There were three main guys. The boss and the two hired killers, right? They are all deceased.”

Sam started getting excited. “Wait, take me through it. They’re all dead? How long? How’d they die?”

“You first, man. What’s this about?”

Sam let out a frustrated noise. “I knew the guy they killed. Novak. I was looking into his death and I found out about the murder,” Sam hedged.

“Mm,” Brady said thoughtfully. “All right. Well the first guy, they couldn’t really pin anything on him except he was there. So they cut a deal with him, to get him to turn on the other guy. Naturally, the others don’t take too kindly to this and they off him, first chance they get. That’s goomba number one down.”

“All right. Who’s next?”

“The next guy, the actual shooter, he was found guilty and got sent to prison. With all the evidence that was collected and the testimony, he was going away for life, but that only turned out to be three years, eight months.” More keys were tapped. “Says here he was killed during a prison riot.”

“Okay, and the boss was the only other one involved?” Sam asked, not quite daring to hope he had good news for Cas.

“Yeah. Well, funny thing is, when the head of your crime family has pissed off two thirds of said family and the other third isn’t too happy, either, it’s not good for you. And if you’ve then gotten so sloppy as to get yourself arrested with evidence stacked heavily against you, mob clans don’t tend to like that.” Brady sniffed. “Another family, they’d have tried to take him out, but the new blood coming in were looking to do things a little differently. Less killing and more strong-arming. They staged a coup while he was in jail awaiting trial. He was ostracized and lost all his connections.”

“So, I don’t understand. He’s dead? Did they take him out even though they were cutting down on that?” Sam asked, having a little trouble following.

“Nope. They left him in prison to rot. And that’s exactly what he did. Got himself a case of nasty rare liver disease last year, though, and spent his last days in hospice care. Finally kicked the bucket about six months ago. End of the saga.”

Sam took a deep breath and a huge risk. “All right. Then if someone were in witness protection because he testified against them at trial, would he be safe now?”

“That’s above my pay grade, Sam. I can’t access that kind of information, as far as who is in the program or any of that,” Brady said, his voice taking on an edge.

“No, that’s not what I mean. I’m not asking you to. I just... was curious if anyone who testified would be safe now.”

Brady’s voice had thawed before he spoke again. “I don’t see why not. The family has a lot more important worries that three guys who aren’t around anymore.”

“Thanks for all your help, Brady. I owe you one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You could yell at me for not updating sooner, or you could tell me how much you love me for finally updating. The choice is yours. ~~Please choose option b, I'm fragile~~ ♥♥♥♥


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's tired of wasting time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, beautiful darlings. The final chapter. Thank you for coming along on this ride with me. I hope it was worth the time. Your comments have been a treasure to me, as always.

Since Sam said he had big news, the three of them were planning to get together at Dean’s for dinner. Dean had been planning to take Cas out for a rare public meal—since he intended to ask him to move in—but Sam said it was probably best to discuss their news in private, so Dean offered to make dinner instead. He was even more nervous than he had been already, now that they were in his kitchen. Sam wouldn’t be there for another half hour at least and Dean was trying not to obsess, but it wasn’t working.

“You sure you’re okay with spaghetti?” Dean asked Cas as he was gathering pasta and frozen homemade sauce.

“Dean. That is the third time you’ve asked me that. Are you all right?”

Dean blew out a breath and set aside the food he’d been collecting. “Um... I was going to wait until after dinner, but....” He blew out another puff of air. “Here goes. Do you want to move in with me? I know it’s fast, but—”

“Yes!” Cas said and pulled Dean closer so that he could kiss him.

When Cas had kissed him stupid and let him go again, Dean smiled. “Well, that was easy.”

“We’ve lost so much time already—how can anything be too fast now?” He kissed Dean again. “I love you, Dean. I know the future is uncertain for us, but I want to spend it together, either way.”

Dean grinned. “Me too. Is tonight too soon to start moving your stuff?” he asked hopefully.

Cas laughed. “I think it’s a little soon, yes. Don’t worry. Tomorrow I’ll go home and I’ll pack. All the furniture is rented with the house, anyway, so I don’t have much to gather up.”

“What about your lease? Is that going to be a problem?”

Cas shook his head. “No. I never lease long term. Always month to month. Since it’s almost the middle of the month, which is when my lease ends, that’s not an issue.”

Dean pulled Cas in for a hug. “I can’t wait. This is going to be awesome. I still can’t believe I found you again.” He pressed a hard, lingering kiss to the top of Cas’ head. “I missed you so bad for so long, man,” he whispered.

“I was busy missing you right back, Dean.”

They held on for another minute before Dean remembered that he needed to get dinner started. He put the sauce in a pan to thaw and warm, then filled up another pot with water. When sauce and pasta were both on the heat, he turned his attention to buttering a loaf of Italian bread. He was so focused on what he was doing that he barely registered that Cas was setting the table. When he had the bread in the oven, he turned around to find the whole table set with a bottle of wine breathing next to three glasses.

“Thanks,” Dean said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Cas shrugged. “I’m going to be living here. I may as well go ahead and act like it.” He smiled. “Besides, it’s only fair for me to set the table, since I didn’t help with dinner.”

Dean would have pulled him in for another kiss, but Sammy chose that moment to knock on the door. When he saw his brother had a six pack in his hand, he decided to forgive him. He invited him inside and went to drain the pasta. When it was all ready and everyone was seated, Dean lifted a glass in a toast.

“To second chances and family,” he said.

Sam and Cas made noises of agreement and sipped along with Dean. Then Sam cleared his throat and set down his glass.

“So, like I told you, I have news.” He turned to Cas. “Pretty big new, actually. Um, I talked to Brady, my FBI guy?” he said flicking a look at Dean then back to Cas. “So, anyways, he, uh, he told me some really great information.” He took a deep breath and huffed it out quickly. “You’ll wanna check in with your handlers, just in case, but Cas, all the men you testified against are dead. Their operation had already gone under and it looks like you’re probably free now.”

Cas looked stunned. He blinked at Sam in silence for a moment, then placed his wine glass carefully down on the table. He go up, walked over to Sam and hugged him in what looked like a death grip to Dean. Then he stood up and turned to Dean, with tears turning those blue eyes luminous.

“I’m free, Dean. I don’t have to hide anymore. I don’t have to run. I can go out to dinner with you whenever I want. I can travel and do whatever I please.” He sounded so happy, Dean himself was near tears. “I’m going to call my handlers right after dinner.”

“Cas, you know I’m not going to be offended if you call them now, right? The pasta will keep for a few minutes.”

Cas came over then and hugged Dean even more tightly than he’d hugged Sam. Dean thought breathing was overrated, anyway. Hugging Cas was way better. When Cas finally let him loose, Dean watched him walk into the other room, phone already out and being dialed.

Sam laughed. “I think he’s excited,” he said, picking up his wine again for a sip.

“I’m excited too, man! He’s a free man. That’s so awesome,” Dean said, trying to quiet the nervous voice that was suddenly making itself known in his head.

“Then why do you look like you swallowed a cockroach?”

Dean tried to play it off. “What? Dude, I’m happy about this.” It’s just that his heart felt like it was somewhere south of his knees and he was having trouble breathing.

“Dean, you look like you’re either gonna throw up or pass out. What’s wrong? You scared about asking him to move in?”

Dean made an annoyed grimace. “No, man, I already did that and he said yes, but....”

“But?” Sam prompted when Dean didn’t finish.

“That was before he knew he was free.” Sam just looked at him in confusion, forcing Dean to put his fears into words. “What if he doesn’t want me, now that he knows he can go anywhere and do anything?” Dean asked in a broken voice he hated.

Sam looked at him incredulously, shaking his head and drinking his wine. Dean didn’t see Cas walk back into the room, but he felt the smack up the back of his head. “Ow, man, what the hell?”

Cas glared at him, phone still up to his ear and hissed, “Don’t be an idiot! I didn’t wait ten years for you to walk away now—Hello, yes, this is Castiel Milton,” he said into the phone in a calm professional voice that was so unlike his angry hiss of a moment before it nearly gave Dean whiplash. He glared at Dean some more as he walked out of the room, continuing this conversation on the phone.

Sam was smirking and Dean pointed at him with a fork. “You be quiet and eat your food.”

~~@~~

“Is this the last of it?” Dean asked, taking the box Cas carried.

“Yes, I think so. I’m going to do a final walk through while you take that down, if you don’t mind,” Cas said.

“Sure thing. Come on down whenever you’re done,” he said, pulling Cas in for a quick kiss. “This is gonna be so great, Cas,” he told him with a big smile.

Cas smiled right back, all ghosts and shadows gone from his face. “I know.”

Dean went back to the car looked up at the building where Cas had turned him away less than a month previously. He thought about how that particular heartbreak—however brief it ultimately was—could have been avoided, if only the FBI’s headquarters had reported to its field agents the way it should have. Dean didn’t let himself get bitter about it, though, because he also knew, if Cas had found out six months earlier, right after the last of them died, he might have left town all together. If the FBI hadn’t fallen down on the job, he might never have found Cas at all.

When Cas came down a few minutes later, Dean grinned at him as he slid into the car. “Let’s go home,” he said, pulling Cas in for a quick peck.

He started the car and they headed out, the remainder of Cas’ meager belongings all stuffed into the Impala. Dean had taken the day off, so it was just past lunchtime and they were nearly done already. All that remained was the unpacking and Dean figured they could bust that out before dinner.

Cas had packed quickly, leading Dean to believe he was in as much of a hurry as Dean was to make this transition. Still, he wanted some reassurance that Cas was completely happy about this move too.

“So, I mean, later, if you want, we can find a different place that’s ours, if you want,” Dean said as they drove. “I asked you to move into my place because I wanted us to be together—and no offense but your tiny house was kinda depressing—but we can find somewhere else, if you’d rather.”

“I’m perfectly content to move into your house and make it ours, Dean. I felt no particular connection to my house.” He reached over and put a reassuring—and distracting—hand on Dean’s thigh. “Besides, it’s where we first hugged and kissed and touched again. I can’t think of a better place for us to be, can you?”

Dean covered Cas’ hand with his own. Then he picked it up and brought it to his lips and kissed it, smiling. “Nope. But I don’t care where we are, as long as we’re together.”

Cas’ smile was bright. “Good. Because I don’t plan on going anywhere for a long, long time.”

~~@~~

Saturday morning, they shared lazy blow jobs in bed, and then Dean took Cas shopping. Since Cas was officially free now, they’d explained the whole situation to Dean’s friends and family and then invited everyone over for a housewarming party. Since it fell to Dean to make lunch—and he wasn’t used to cooking for so many people at once—he wanted to keep it pretty simple. He decided on tacos and Cas helped him get everything he needed.

“You know, when I asked you to move in, I knew life was going to get better, but I never really thought about the mundane things like grocery shopping,” Dean said as they hauled bags in from the car. “Having you with me even makes that better,” he told Cas with a smile and a kiss on the cheek before he put the ground beef onto the counter.

Cas preened under the compliment. “That is probably the only time in history that I ever enjoyed grocery shopping,” Cas admitted.

Cas put away what needed to be put away while Dean got the meal started. Once all the groceries were in their proper places or out where Dean could get to them, Cas offered his help with the cooking side of things. Dean put him on vegetable chopping duty.

“I’ve never helped anyone prepare a meal before,” Cas said quietly after they’d been working for a while in silence. “Or held a party.”

Dean felt a tug in his heart, but he kept his voice light. “Well, don’t worry. You’re going to get lots of practice at both. Probably till you’re sick of it,” he teased.

Just before the food was ready, the doorbell rang for the first time. Dean was knee deep in taco meat, so Cas went to open the door. Only a minute later, Dean heard Charlie, chattering away.

“So, like I was telling Jody, they’ve practically got a real kingdom at this point. We get together every other Sunday to LARP. Oh, hey, Jody?” Charlie called over her shoulder as they reached the kitchen. “Did you remember bring in the ice cream?”

“Got it!” Jody called from the other room. “And Bobby’s bringing all the toppings,” she said, stepping into the room.

“Awesome! Hey, Dean!” Charlie said brightly.

“Hey, yourself, squirt! Hey, Jody. I knew it was a good idea to put you all on dessert detail.”

“He was actually planning to bake pies, until I convinced him to let each of you bring something for after dinner,” Cas said.

“I can’t believe you just ratted me out like that!”

Jody and Charlie both laughed. “Fighting like an old married couple already. That’s a good sign,” Charlie said, winking at Cas.

“Damn, you’re just as cute as Sam and Dean,” Jody said, giving Cas a quick once over as she started putting ice cream in the freezer. “How come you’re all so pretty?” she asked Dean. “I’m Jody, by the way,” she said, turning back to Cas. “I’m Charlie’s birth mom and Dean’s client. I also dated Sam, but now I’m Bobby’s girlfriend.” She grinned at his confusion. “And you thought being on the run from the mob made _you_ the exciting one,” she said with a wink.

“Hardly,” Cas said with a small smile.

“Dean?” Sam called out from the other room.

“In the kitchen, Sam!”

Sam came in, carrying a plate of brownies. “Gabe and Bobby are right behind me.”

“Greetings, new cohabitors!” Gabriel called out as he strode through the kitchen door. “I come bearing fudge and after dinner mints.”

“Every last one of you is an idjit,” Bobby grumbled as he came through carrying two bags of jars and bottles.

“Not me!” Jody said brightly.

“Especially you. Look who you’re with,” Bobby said with a smile Dean wasn’t used to seeing on his face. “Biggest idjit of all.”

“Aw!” Charlie said with big wet eyes. “Bobby’s gonna be my stepdad!”

Bobby scowled and corrected himself. “Second biggest.”

A few minutes later, Garth and his girlfriend showed up and Dean called everyone to lunch. Over tacos, additional introductions were made, and Cas was plied with about a million questions. He was nervous at first, but Dean put a hand on his back and he gradually relaxed enough to answer everyone without his voice shaking and his skin flushing from the attention. After a while, he even started to tell jokes.

When Dean got up to get dishes for dessert, he looked over at the table and realized everyone he cared about was in this room with him, sharing a meal and a laugh. He didn’t think he had ever been happier—at least not since the day Jimmy Novak walked out of his life. As blue eyes caught his from across the room, he was damned glad Cas Milton had walked into it.

~~@~~

Sam couldn’t remember a party he’d enjoyed as much as Dean’s welcome party for Cas moving in with him. He also couldn’t remember a time since Jimmy moved away when he had seen Dean so happy—and maybe not even then. His brother had grinned all night long, without getting grumpy a single time. Gabe was obviously liking how happy Cas looked too.

“So, you’re not changing your name back to Jimmy?” Gabe asked during a post sugar-overdose lull in the conversation.

“No. I think Castiel suits me now. It’s the only part of my cover story that ever really felt right.”

“Well, good. I like it,” Gabriel said. “Now, who wants thirds of the ice cream?”

Everyone else groaned, but it didn’t keep Gabe from heaping a bowl full for himself. Sam just watched him with what he knew was a dopey smile on his face. He figured this was the day for it. Besides Cas and Dean, Garth and Betsy were making happy eyes at each other, plus Bobby was looking at Jody the same way, and she at him.

Charlie was the only one without a date and Sam felt a little bad, until Jody asked her about it. “So, birth daughter, when am I going to meet this new girlfriend of yours? I was hoping she was going to be here today.”

“I know, but she had to work at the last minute. She’s supposed to come over for dinner with me on Wednesday, though.” Charlie had her own dopey smile then, so Sam thought that just about rounded it all out.

The party wound down a little while later, mainly because Dean’s and Cas’ PDA’s were escalating in both frequency and duration. No one begrudged them, but neither did they wanna see. Only Garth seemed unfazed, but he his girlfriend were polite enough to leave when everyone else did.

While they were waiting in line behind everyone else in order to say goodbye, Bobby turned around and leveled a rather frightening look at Gabriel. Sam assumed at first it was because of the whole situation with Jody, but then Bobby raised a warning finger at Gabe and explained his expression.

“You hurt this boy here and I’ll murder you, just so’s we’re clear.” Gabe looked shocked but before he could respond, Bobby leaned closer and said, “I know 142 ways to kill a man and twice that many ways to dispose of a body so it’s never found. Don’t test me.”

Gabriel quickly recovered himself enough to say, “Well, sir, I never had any intention of doing anything of the kind, but now that I know what sort of people he associates with, I suppose I feel more secure in believing he won’t do anything of the kind to me.”

Bobby stared at him shrewdly for a minute and then burst out laughing. “I like this one, Sam.” It was then Bobby’s turn with Dean.

Gabe turned around and gave Sam a wide-eyed ‘What the hell?’ look, but Sam could only shrug and shake his head. Bobby was just Bobby. Then Sam was face to face with Dean and they were suddenly grinning at each other from ear to ear before they hugged.

“This was a lot of fun, man,” Sam said. “You should do this more often.”

Dean looked over at Cas, who was saying his goodbyes to Gabriel. His eyes were soft and it made Sam really happy to see it. “Yeah, I think maybe we will. He’s been alone too long and I’ve done too much hiding out. Maybe next time I’ll even get Benny and Andrea over here, who knows?”

“I think that’s great.” They hugged again. “I guess I’ll see you Monday. When did you say you’re gonna be out of the office again?”

“Week after next. Andy’s gonna handle all my cases, so keep an eye on him,” Dean said.

He and Cas were taking an impromptu vacation together. It was the first one Dean had taken since opening the firm and Sam thought it was about time.

Sam said a brief but warm goodbye to Cas and then he and Gabriel walked out to the car. No sooner had they closed the doors than Gabe turned fully in the driver’s seat to face him.

“So, uh, I was thinking,” Gabriel said, biting his lip after, as if the thinking was an ongoing process. “Wanna go to Vegas?”

“Um, sure. When?”

“Right now?”

Sam stared at Gabe, confused. “Right now. As in we buy tickets and go right now.”

“No, as in we drive to the airport and my pilot takes us there in my tiny but very expensive airplane.”

Sam couldn’t help laughing at the knowledge that Gabe had his own airplane. “I mean, that sounds great and all, but... what’s the rush?”

Gabe looked almost scared now. “Dean and Cas got me thinking about wasted time. And I guess I was just wondering... Sam, will you marry me? I don’t have a ring or anything. I hadn’t really planned on asking you yet, but tonight I realized I don’t wanna wait. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you and I can’t imagine I ever will and I just—”

“Yes.” Sam didn’t leap into Gabriel’s arms or yank him into a kiss. He just quietly answered when Gabriel was mentioning the ring—and then sat there with tears burning his eyes, waiting for Gabriel to realize he’d spoken and stop talking.

“Yes? Did you say yes?” Gabe looked skeptical.

“Yes. Let’s go to Vegas right now. Yes. When we get there, let’s get married. Yes. I’ve never loved anyone else like this, either.”

Gabe attached their lips so suddenly Sam never saw it coming. When they came up for air, Gabe asked, “Should we tell our brothers? They might try to stop us.”

Sam thought about it for a minute. “I always kind of thought Dean would be my best man if I got married.”

Gabriel gave him a fond smile. “Then let’s invite them.”

“You sure?”

“Hell yeah. I mean, Cas hasn’t gotten to go anywhere good, like, _ever_. That sound good to you? I’ll call my pilot and tell him to expect two extra passengers.”

A few minutes later they were knocking on Dean’s door. He answered—after quite a few knocks—with a scowl, his shirt half undone and Cas standing at his side with a murderous expression on his face.

“We’re going to Vegas to get hitched and you two are our best men. You got 20 minutes to finish up whatever you were doing and pack a bag,” Gabriel said, turning around and grabbing Sam’s hand. “We’ll be in the car.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE TREASURE! (please?) ♥ Thank you for reading, darlings! Without you, this would be no fun. I love you to pieces. ♥

**Author's Note:**

> In case you missed the tags, there is a MMF three-way. You may not be excited about that, unless you are [Amelia Clark](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Amelia_Clark), of course ;) but I had so much fun with it that I hope you will at least give it a chance. Unless smut it not your thing, in which case, feel free to skip it (I'll warn for it in advance). It's a combo of Winmills (which is what I dubbed Jody/Sam) and Sabriel, with a sort of dom!Jody, 2ndDom!Gabriel, sub!Sam dynamic.
> 
> Please let me know what you think! Feedback motivates me, so please, please talk to me!


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